Halo Fanon:The Weekly/2016

Week 1: FIRST!

Prompt: For the first time trying this out, why not have something that matches thematically with something new? In 300 words or less, write something that details a first time for a character, whether it's the first time a character takes a life, or comes face to face with the Covenant, or something more personal. An (ineligible) example is provided to give you a guide to how you should format when adding an entry. Have some fun with it! Cutoff for this challenge is the night of Saturday, January 16th, 2015.

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Wrong Alley by Ahalosniper Choice by Sev40 Weakness by The Pale Kestrl Vengeance by Andromeda Vadum The Quiet by Chakravartin — Winner Just A Job by Spartan-D042 Shot At Dawn by Minuteman 2492 Graduation Present by Actene Eclipse by Coolbuddy379

• Choice by Sev40
  • What I get from this story is that Ania's making a choice, to either spare the Unggoy (and possibly other?) stowaways, or kill them to ensure she saves herself. Naturally, with the word limit, there's not much room for context, but if it were to be expanded, I'd like to know why Ania considers Unggoy lives at all, when some Sangheili we've seen will through Unggoy out an airlock for complaining. Also, the choice she makes is a little unclear. I assume her last line of dialogue means she intends to spare her hitchhikers, but part of me says she could be talking to herself.
• Weakness by The Pale Kestrl
  • You're missing some punctuation around the dialogue, there. Periods at the end and commas where they meet the prose. So this is the first time Tal's given his berserker drugs, though I'm not sure if it's Red Sand, given the name and that this substance was injected. Because that's the focus, I'm surprised a larger fraction of the word limit wasn't given to describing it flowing through his body from the injection point. Elites do have two hearts pumping blood, but even then, it seems to take effect very suddenly.
• Vengeance by Andromeda Vadum
  • A general piece of advice commonly given for writing is to show, not tell, and I think this entry could benefit very well from that. There's a clear story to it, with Carl's first kills, but very little description to help us see and feel what's going on. For example, Carl's father gesturing; I'm not sure what sort of a gesture says that or what it looks like. Describing how his arm moved would better get across what's going on, using sensory details.
• The Quiet by Chakravartin
  • Conversely, here's a piece with very little happening, but a lot of sensory detail. We experience everything through our senses, so describing things in terms of images or sounds or even smells go a long way towards making a reader able to envision something through text. I also want to call out the couple details which hint at other things without needing to take up time in the word limit to specifically state them; mainly that by the wine glasses we know one character's had much more to drink than the other, and that cigarettes are a classic film school technique for implications I'll leave you to discover. Perhaps in part because of I can use the fact these strategies were employed as a teaching opportunity, that makes this one my pick of the week.
• Just A Job by Spartan-D042
  • Repetition can be a useful tool to emphasize one particular detail or thought, as seen here. Everything in the piece relates to the first-time act of this character murdering a fellow serviceman, including his justifying it to himself and to the reader, which seems to break down near the end as he realizes he wouldn't, and likely won't, forgive himself. It's also a neat look into how time and length of text can relate to each other, as this uses all 300 words to cover the span of maybe a second or two of in-world time. It's also missing a "could" which would put it over the limit, but I'm gonna overlook that, judge's authority.
• Shot At Dawn by Minuteman 2492
  • While the entry is far over the word limit, I can still respond to it. For my part, I usually put thoughts of characters in italics rather than quotation marks, because then the thoughts look exactly the same as dialogue and are hard to distinguish, especially when the dialogue tag, the part that tells who's saying/thinking it, comes after the line/thought, like with Sanok's first thought here. In the same vein, since the thought is stylized in the same way as dialogue, there are a couple instances here where different characters speak (or think) in the same paragraph with each other, which can make it hard to keep track of who's saying what. Something for consideration.
• Graduation Present by Actene
  • An excellent choice for the prompt, as it's the first appearance of something fairly major to the character's ongoing story that doesn't demand such an introduction, just found one conveniently in this project's prompt. It also does a neat job of doubling down on the prompt, as it's not just the first time Simon and Jian are introduced to the armor, but the first time Simon has something that he can call definitively his own, at least since he began training, anyway.
• Eclipse by Coolbuddy379
  • I feel a bit more show could be done here, but I like that this piece takes the approach of the Covenant being terrifying upon first-time encountering, since Halo 5's opening cutscene kinda cuts down any reason to fear the average Covenant soldier completely. If you wanted to take this even further, I might suggest having it be something as low as Jackals or Grunts that are causing him problems, bringing those guys back to the point of Fall of Reachs beginning where they overwhelmed and slaughtered Helljumpers.

Week 2: No 'I' in Team

Prompt: You’ve heard that old ‘strength of the wolf is the pack’ bit before, right? Well, in 500 words or less, bumping the limit up by a bit, let's see you put that bit of wisdom to use, showing off characters working together whether by force or by choice. With Halo 5’s emphasis on co-op, a Spartan team working together could be prime material, but other less-conventional team-ups have plenty of opportunity to be interesting. A Spartan with an AI, for example, or humans working with Covenant species, and no one says the partnership has to go well. What partnerships give you the most ideas to write about? Deadline for this challenge is midnight on Saturday, January 23rd, 2015 (Pacific Time).

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War games by Andromeda Vadum Talista Nights by Lordofmonsterisland Enemies Old and New by Actene — Winner Teamwork by Coolbuddy379 The Error by Chakravartin Distraction by Sev40

• War games by Andromeda Vadum
  • A very straightforward approach to the topic, literally taking on teamwork as a series of military maneuvers, and I appreciate that there's sort of a connection to the War Games on Infinity, though I don't see a definite confirmation that's where they are. What I have trouble with, though, is the lack of named or identified characters. I realize this was a definite choice by the author, but I don't think it works best. Without someone to empathize with, even just seeing through the eyes of as a point-of-view character without a name, there's no one with an ongoing story who's gonna retain the lessons learned of the piece's events or have any character growth as a result. This training exercise, then, becomes something that happened after which everyone went back to their daily lives. If there's not ongoing effects of the events, or a character who we get to understand or see change a bit from them, what's there to make the reader care about those events?
• Talista Nights by Lordofmonsterisland
  • There's very little context for this piece, not just because there's not a header, but because the articles of the characters involved have nowhere near reached that point in either case, so I'll share what I know and say this is two rogue Spartans, S-II and an S-III, meeting up what seems for one of their first times. What takes center-stage is the combat, and so the teamwork element comes in the form of comparing how each one fights. As you'd expect, Riker has a lot more raw brawn at his disposal to throw around than Dyne, which is noticeable, but since writing's not a visual medium, I think some more explicit description of the fact could've helped with the impressions. For example, saying, "Riker was all brawn, throwing a punch, while Dyne used their numbers against them by dodging in between" etc etc.
• Enemies Old and New by Actene
  • Now here's a good example of that character change occurring, or if not change, at least an interesting point for one of the characters because she has inner conflict going on that's on display for the reader. Suitably, that conflict springs from the topic at hand, which is her teaming up; specifically with an Elite, who S-IIIs like Cassandra naturally aren't too keen on letting live, nevermind fighting other humans with, but she's able to set even a grudge that deep aside for the time being. That's the kind of ongoing conflict a reader gets interested in seeing go on and resolve, which I do believe makes it my pick of the week.
• Teamwork by Coolbuddy379
  • I like that with the Jackals' use of a phalanx you've had the teamwork angle show up twice over, though I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be something new as Fall of Reach had them doing the same. Then again, it could very well be the first time for this character, and I'm not sure what year this is taking place, so it's not that it's really out of place. The action, however, feels very much like it's from straight out of playing the games. Anyone who's played (and I figure a few around here have) knows the mechanical process shooting a Jackal's arm in the notch of their shield becomes, but it doesn't necessarily make for good reading. "three supercombine explosions" and "shot the last Jackal" tell us what happened, but don't show us. Heck, the supercombines could make for a load of good images, "bursting into clouds of bloody pink haze" and such.
• The Error by Chakravartin
  • Obviously, we're getting some second-guessing by Xiphos of Andrew's leadership here, which is why I'm not sure with some of the later "Yessir" response and his forgetting the name of a formation, we don't get some effected groans on behalf of the team. One supposes it's because they're Spartan trainees and they're learning already to follow orders even when they don't agree with them, but then there's no commentary on that either. This entry does hit the word limit exactly, though, so I imagine it could be a space consideration.
• Distraction by Sev40
  • You've done a good job here with getting into Dahm's head as he's under the pressure of keeping a criminal with potential murderous intent calm. He's worried about the potential outcomes, and has an eye on the ongoing progress of his fellow officers as they get closer to the point where the burden's no longer on his shoulders, but we don't get much from those other officers. They've got parts they're playing in the same operation, but the focus is mainly on Dahm as he's just waiting for the others to take over, at which point he steps away. There's teamwork going on, but it's not the most direct between two parties we're getting characterization from.

Week 3: There Are Many Like It

Prompt: Tools are very personal things. Habits form around them, and humans at least are creatures of habit. For example, maybe there's a pen you have that needs to be scribbled with a bit to make the ink start running. Tools can tell a lot about a person, for example a Spartan tailoring their weapon to their exact preferences or a wealthy individual having even their shirt buttons come from the finest brass; and vice versa, tools can sometimes effect their owners as they adapt to using them. In 500 words or under, give us a scene of your character using their particular tools of choice, and think about how those tools might lend some insight into who they are and how they do what they do with their tools. Could be their favorite gun, or an old wrench, or anything else. Could even flip the prompt by having the tool in question be a standard-issue weapon which they have no attachment to, and reflect somehow on that.

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My New Right Arm by The Pale Kestrl Who The Hell Names Their Gun? by Actene — Winner

• My New Right Arm by The Pale Kestrl
  • Neat use of the title as the last line. It brings the piece back around nicely in a matter-of-fact way that follows, at least in my experience, how dealing with painful moments can go. Stability to instability and back again. However, there could be some proofreads done here and there. Sometimes it's a mis-used, rather than misspelled, word that might not show up in Microsoft Word as a mistake; "join" instead of "joint", "loose" instead of "lose", etc. Those are just little errors, though; what I'd see to more is sometimes sentences go on for too long. For example, the first sentence seems strange when that last phrase beyond the second comma is added, because that's another complete sentence and seems strange strung together. I've got a tendency to do that kind of thing myself, thinking one phrase sounds good coupled with another, the end of which sounds good coupled with another, until I've got a train of them too long all together.
• Who The Hell Names Their Gun? by Actene
  • I see that Game of Thrones reference, and I'll allow it. Zoey more angry she's caught than embarrassed, Simon never quite grateful, as an older brother to a younger sister I can confirm they're certainly in character for siblings. The quick change for Zoey at the end, though, the implication she's been playing at remorse the whole time, does throw me just a little, though, giving me a younger impression of her than I usually have. But then, with our timelines the way they are, who can tell who's how old when anymore, eh? What with word limits, consider if this is ever used in a longer work Zoey getting angry and storming off with the etching unfinished, and Simon then finishing it himself and Zoey seeing it completed. What'd that mean for each of them?

Week 4: Flat Tire

Prompt: One of the pivotal moments of Halo: Combat Evolveds development was when the designers managed to get just one vehicle, the classic Warthog, working on the beach of Assault on the Cartographer. Just driving that around by itself they recognized was fun, and we've been powersliding that machine gun-turreted jeep everywhere we can force it into ever since. Vehicles of all kinds are a big part of Halo, and at times criminally underused; starships cry out for Battlestar Galactica-esque dramas, and squadrons of Longswords could play out the same as X-Wing dogfights. In 500 words or less, give us something that revolves around the vehicles of the Halo-verse, whether land or space-bound.

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Takeoff by Brodie-001 Air Superiority by Actene — Winner

• Takeoff by Brodie-001
  • THREE WORDS OVER, BRODIE. How dare. But I'm already here, so here we go. There's one point you use "suit" for MJOLNIR twice in a sentence which is just something that crops up as redundant while reading. The descriptions are good, though; oilstained jumpsuits and such, and that does extend to the vehicle in question for the piece, using the character's personalization of it to associate it with her, make it a personal thing, etc. I would, however, recommend going a bit further with the descriptions of people to make sure a memorable impression gets across, even if it's cliched, so I can remember characters at least as "baldy" and "the redhead". "Gantry" is the word you're probably looking for with that piece of armor-assembly machinery. At least, that's what I've come to like using.
• Air Superiority by Actene
  • I might have ended the sentence ending with "that firestorm" with just "it" instead, as there's not an image setting up the city beforehand, and that on its own just kinda sticks out. The vehicle here does feature prominently, though it's secondary to Venter's meditation on what he's doing there. It's a snippet, naturally, but apart from Venter thinking the Marines below were his comrades not that long ago, we don't have much to tell us the context of the piece; I can only assume it's during the Mamore Insurrection at some point. Can't really add much in the way to its prose; Venter and the other rebels aren't described in detail, but Venter shows up plenty of places elsewhere and the others are unnamed and don't need that detail anyway.

Week 5: Close Talking

Prompt: While I can't speak for everyone, Halo 5's Hunt the Truth campaign got me super-excited. I liked Ben Giraud, I felt sympathy for the predicaments he found himself in, and Fero's encore season maintained their level of quality all the way through. So, perhaps because of their format, you should go back and listen to a few episodes to pick up tips and tricks for this challenge: with 500 words or less, write up something very dialogue-heavy. It doesn't have to quite take screenplay or audio transcript format, and anything that's all-dialogue will need to do something in their lines that identifies who the participants are, but see if you can make it as dialogue-heavy as possible. Who knows? Perhaps there are a few people around here with decent mics who'd be interested in making a short Youtube recording out of some entry.

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A Scent of Blasphemy by Sev40 Extract From Oblation Bearer Interrogation Room Security Recording by Actene Slaughter on Mortintoj by DarthNicky SFTE Test Audio Log 4/28/2291 by Minuteman 2492 — Winner

• A Scent of Blasphemy by Sev40
  • I'm surprised you didn't take the opportunity to start on a line of dialogue, instead with a paragraph's worth of prose, but setting up the scene in such a way does allow you to keep using more character speech later. In the first two spoken lines, though, you've got a bit of repetition with 'today'. Good choice to go with Sangheili, since their dialogue is so accented and unusual; already, for a reader familiar with the Halo-verse, you'll have them reading the dialogue in deep, wort-worty voices, though perhaps this is just that my reading doesn't match up with the voice you're hearing in your head, but some of your word choices didn't quite match up with what I think of for Sangheili.
• Extract From Oblation Bearer Interrogation Room Security Recording by Actene
  • Hah, good call on the old RvB Irk styling. Still, having the names in front of each line script-style takes out the opportunity to hear the voices and discover through its dialogue who they are. Diana's in good form, I see, though I think Simon's a little quick to have her getting under his skin when she's providing no evidence of her claims. Then again, getting under Simon's skin and into his head is one of Diana's signatures. Naturally, the whole process of turning Simon to her will this time is going to take a while, but she's off to a good start.
• Slaughter on Mortintoj by DarthNicky
  • Neat to see someone finally incorporating images in these things; without advancing the wordcount, it allows you to put more information across to the reader. The piece is, however, nearly double the word limit, but the dialogue in it is looking good. Once in a while, there's a sentence that runs on a little too long with too many phrases between commas, but that's not hard to revise. One suggestion I'd make would be instead of naming and thinking of the interviewer as merely Reporter, give them a name and a position of their own they're coming from, like Ben Giraud or Petra Janecek.
• SFTE Test Audio Log 4/28/2291 by Minuteman 2492
  • Aha, here we are. A one-hundred-percent dialogue piece, and an interesting choice of moment to elaborate on. I do think you could have given us a little more characterization, perhaps through giving some of the characters' thoughts of their own outside the processes of the countdown, and somebody else telling them to stay focused, then ask if that one's nervous, etc. etc. For the combination of taking this challenge to the extreme and going with it to an obscure but important moment in the history of the Halo universe, I think this is my pick of the week.

Week 6: Yes, Sensei

Prompt: The responses to last week's challenge got me thinking. There's basically only a few ways you can really open a piece of writing; with a name, for example, which you then have to give context to so a reader will care about who this name belongs to; with an image that'll catch the reader's mind's eye; with a line of dialogue without an image or setup that's just interesting enough without context that you have to read on. That's what I want to get at this week. You can take on any subject you want this week, in 500 words or less, but I want you to really consider your opening line, the very first thing that the reader sees and what needs to hook them to keep them reading, and make sure you have reasons for making that your first line. See what you make of it.

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Underlying Motivation by Andromeda Vadum Nothing by DarthNicky — Winner Hunted by Sev40 Shortcut by Brodie-001 Brandon Smith by Lordofmonsterisland

• Underlying Motivation by Andromeda Vadum
  • Who's I? I imagine this must have appealed to you in some way as a first line, but consider, the rest of this piece is told in the third-person. So who would be the "I" in "or should I really say"? It doesn't fit with the rest and takes me out of what's going on rather than get me into it. There are also some grammatical errors, "loose" to "lose" (happens all the time, we had an RP called "Loosing Hope" once) and "had saw" to "had seen", you might want to keep a better eye on.
• Nothing by DarthNicky
  • A little reminiscent of Keyes' thoughts in The Flood, but then given the same subject matter, it's hardly a surprise. I might have recommended a little more sensory detail as the character starts remembering, like descriptions of just what his loved ones' faces looked like, heck, even a smell as he realizes the Flood's absorbed his body and he's no longer in control of/connected to the organs his senses get input from. A good choice for opening, then, and nicely tied in with the title. Pick of the week.
• Hunted by Sev40
  • Second person? Interesting choice. Although, the "came" in your first line and "continued", "said" and a few other places later on are past-tense, where the rest is in-the-moment present-tense. My guess is the robot is a Spartan? I'm never given enough detail to be sure, but it seems like that'd make this character an Innie. Good work with the second-person, I suppose these prompts are a handy place to experiment with.
• Shortcut by Brodie-001
  • Decidedly a catchy opener with the dialogue approach. A couple paragraphs in, though, when we get that elucidating explanation of where they are and why, it all comes out in a bit of a run-on sentence, but your timing with it is spot-on. Great interplay between the team members, and goes from dark to darker by the end. I'd be invested for more.
• Brandon Smith by Lordofmonsterisland
  • How dare you exceed my arbitrary length requirements, Lomi. Good opening with a smell as a sensory detail, but we never really pick that up again to get a good, gruesome look at what it's coming from (though we do get the recurring theme of constants). There's mention of corpses, corpses Smith knew, even, but an example of just whose body it was he hunkered down next to would've hammered both points home.

Week 7: Supporting Role

Prompt: Hmmm. Seems there's a much bigger turnout when I open up prompts to looser requirements. Perhaps I'll skew more of those in the future to allow for more freedom, but this week, humor me with another specific prompt. One writing exercise that might do some good for your own projects is to consider your characters from someone else's point of view; naturally, you have an idea of the persona the character has, how other people in the universe perceive them. Perhaps it's a scary aura of foreboding, or someone so naturally charismatic they can't help being chummy with everyone they meet. In 500 words or less, give us some insight into one character through another—what does another person typically see your character as? It may be helpful to use a throwaway minor character who meets yours for just a minute, or alternatively someone familiar enough to see their faults. Give it a shot.

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Analysis by Coolbuddy379 — Winner Assessing One's Foe by DarthNicky A Disappointing Monster by Actene Hero of Victoria by Minuteman 2492

• Analysis by Coolbuddy379
  • I think you go on a bit too long about how much Tyler's willing to sacrifice himself in the third paragraph. Most of it's merely telling us what he would do, not showing us by giving examples to illustrate how he's done so. Reads a bit like you're glorifying him. Also really not sure why he'd have a feeling he'd need to sacrifice one of his team on the upcoming mission (and why, if he's so self-sacrificing, putting himself in their place isn't his first thought), but given the word count, there are naturally things that can't be included. While I wish you'd spent less on Tyler's weapons and more on Varun, Tyler's concern for him does feel genuine, and for that, I think this makes my pick of the week.
• Assessing One's Foe by DarthNicky
  • I'm not sure what other names a Sangheili would call a human, but I think you end up using "human" and "the human" a bit too often, as it gets repetitive around the third paragraph. Since he's in charge, perhaps the "human commander" and shorten to "commander" in some places? Also, while I think it's possible for an ODST to outdo a Sangheili in close combat, the way it happens here might be a little too easy. Sangheili are on par with Spartans as far as speed and strength goes, so I feel like one knee to the midsection's not gonna be enough to throw him off.
• A Disappointing Monster by Actene
  • Fun angle to take. I might recommend changing a bit in the third paragraph to "Patches of stubble, the sign of a sloppy shave" rather than "signs". I read it more like the "patches of stubble" is one object, rather than each patch an independent sign. They're all on the same face, after all. There's more physical description here than the others, which on its own would give us a picture and not an idea of the person, but it's tied together what those features suggest to Tegla, which blends the picture and the idea nicely.
• Hero of Victoria by Minuteman 2492
  • Glad to see canon characters being made use of, especially those new from Halo 5 which really need the characterization. With this piece, though, I feel as though you're making Wright a "better than the protagonist" character. Wright's being portrayed as a villain here, so building him up as a frightening threat like this makes sense, but Locke's character (what little canon gives us) is one of stoic pragmatism, so for him to be so afraid of this rebel officer doesn't fit with my preconception of Locke. I kinda connect this with how I felt about Palmer post-Halo 4; everyone hated how much she was built up, so we wanted to write stories that undercut her and built up our own characters as superior. In hindsight, though, building up her canon character by having her beat my own characters felt more rewarding.

Week 8: Legendary Friends

Prompt: So keying off one of last week's entries (which I'll perhaps have to do more often, now), this week's challenge is to write something under 500 words that makes use of canon characters from the Halo-verse. There are a lot of new characters as of Halo 5 that get very little characterization in the games. Each of Fireteam Osiris, for instance, gets their own source of media they come from, whether a book, comic, or live-action series, but apart from that bit of assigned origin story, not much has been written or said about them yet. This could include your characters cross paths with famous canon characters (whether as friends or not) or you may choose to focus entirely on canon character. We do have a lot more focus on original characters than canons on this site, don't we?

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Captured by Coolbuddy379 — Winner Snake in the Grass by DarthNicky

• Captured by Coolbuddy379
  • At one point, you say directly that the guard "was about to shoot at her helmet", making the point-of-view omniscient because the reader knows for certain what both the guard and Carris intend to do, so I have to ask, what was this guard's plan? I can understand the Insurrection taking a Spartan prisoner if they got the chance, there's a lot to learn from them and their armor. So why's this guy going to throw all that away by shooting her? If they'd let this guy kill her so quickly, why risk keeping her alive at all? If this was meant to be just Carris' thought, however, of when she thought he was going to shoot, it'd make more sense, and since we're with Carris' point of view by joining her just as she wakes up, it'd make more sense to be a point-of-view limited to her thoughts and what she can see and hear. There are a couple things that I think could warrant a proofread, like "main" instead of "man", and I'd recommend saying "five to six" instead of "5-6" when writing prose.
• Snake in the Grass by DarthNicky
  • Only two candy bars in an hour? That'd be remarkable restraint by my standards if I had a sack full of candy bars. Anyway, you're a little more than fifty words over the limit, but if you're going to go above it, I recommend taking more time to have your story chew the scenery. When Jones leaves the canyon, he "followed the tracks the Warthogs and Scorpions had left. He had been walking for about an hour when..." Show me some of that. What alien landscapes does he pass in that hour of walking on Installation 04, what carnage besides tire tracks have been left behind after the battle? Does he find himself having to duck any leftover Covenant patrols before the main events of the piece? And how was he finally killed? If you're filling in a blank spot of a character's history this way, it seems to me the best way to do that would be to illustrate it with a lot of detail. Fun idea: have his last thought be he wished he'd eaten the rest of the candy bars.

Week 9: Make A Wish

Prompt: Everyone wants something. Beyond the general vengeance upon the Covenant, follow the UNSC's orders to kill something, or become the galaxy's most powerful supervillain, there are things driving your characters to achieve greater things, to help others selflessly or selfishly, or that just keep them going from one day to the next. If your character wanted one thing above all else, what would it be? In 500 words or less, write up something that helps to illustrate it, whether it shows them doing something desperate or morally grey to get whatever it is, or letting their guard down to someone else just for a moment to show what they want and can't have. Doesn't have to be a big galaxy-changing desire, either. For just a moment, the one thing they desire above all else could be the last donut behind the glass counter display.

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Have a Drink by Sev40 A Wish for Life by Coolbuddy379 — Winner Deceived by Andromeda Vadum Determination by Brodie-001

• Have a Drink by Sev40
  • Good stuff, everything looks in order with conventions. If you start reading without that preface, first-person makes it hard to quickly understand what's going on, but then, that's the point of a preface after all. Where it leaves off, though, it was a little unclear what Dahm is after. To humiliate his co-worker on video, yes, but why, apart from making his promotion memorable; does he not like the co-worker, or are they friends and Dahm knows he'll take it all in fun?
• A Wish for Life by Coolbuddy379
  • Switch "an armor" to just "armor" and "But however" to just one of them. I really like the idea you're having Deryk grapple with here, as it's something I thought a lot about in regards to Amber-G330 when I came up with her way back when, and want to continue with. As such, I can recommend making the particular freedoms that Deryk wants a bit more specific; the idea that Spartans aren't allowed to retire and are just sent on missions until they die is great, though since 343i canon picked up where Bungie left off, we've learned it is possible for Spartans to retire (such as Randall-037 in Nightfall). What could use more specificity is the fourth paragraph. What is it that Deryk would want to be doing if he weren't in service with the UNSC? Just fighting more? He's already getting that, and probably with some good benefits, as the UNSC surely takes good care of their finest weapons, i.e. the best medical care paid for, room and board as long as they're serving, etc. Granted, Deryk might not have considered that, not knowing what life outside the UNSC would really be like. Anyway, these are themes that really strike a chord with me, so I hope you continue thinking about and developing them. Pick of the week.
• Deceived by Andromeda Vadum
  • Ah, I'm reading 501 words here. Probably because my Word processor counts hyphenated compound words as two words while other Word processors don't. Anyway. "William just got off the phone with his best friend", as it's phrased, is telling the reader what happened after the fact. I suggest something more akin to "William set down the phone", since that way it's happening in the moment like the rest of the story, and you're showing the reader what's going on. It's a tricky bit of advice to understand, but "show don't tell" is what my writing teachers have told me all the time, and it does pay off.
• Determination by Brodie-001
  • Why do I get a "Captain America beating punching bags off their hangers" vibe from this? Just me? Anyway, I think I'd like to see more of these two. The fact we're seeing things from Bakos' point of view, making it her noticing Magnus' physique and her inviting him to celebrate makes me think there's some romantic tension going on there, which I could be completely imagining, but would make for an interesting villain coupling. Magnus' drive to see the UNSC brought down, unwilling to perhaps even see a bright side to it for the cost of and what he was subjected to by its dark side makes for a nice contrast in motivation with your typical freedom-espousing rebel leader, if we were to get more about her. And Magnus' prosthetics making it impossible to consummate any romantic relationship which maybe Bakos wants despite Magnus having no time for it makes for some extra-tragic heaped on there. Maybe I'm just projecting ideas that aren't meant to be there. Do consider them, though.

Week 10: Pass the Rock

Prompt: As much as we might like to think we are sometimes, nobody stands alone. Not for their whole life, anyway. We're defined by our relationships as much as we're defined by what our values are, and that goes the same for characters. Mentors leave impressions on us, and friends both count on us and are just as willing to be counted on. So what relationships define your character? Teammates? Romantic partners? Arch-enemies, even? Do a little illustrating of that in 500 words or less. It might be done by having the two interact, or perhaps one's far away or dead and your character is telling a third how much that other person's meant to them in some way or another. Good luck!

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"Those Bastards Are Going to Pay." by DarthNicky Human Flotsam by Actene—Winner We Could Be Heroes by Ajax 013 Letter 452, Albert Rocha by Minuteman 2492

• "Those Bastards Are Going to Pay." by DarthNicky
  • Far over the limit, but I'm already here after all. So, first off, things like "the Master Chief destroyed the Anti-Air Wraith" and "Cook agreed to take the Mongoose" are the "show, not tell" bits I always harp on. You're telling me the Chief is destroying the Wraith, but how? Let's see him reaching into the spinny mechanical bits on the back of it to rip out some vital piece, or wrenching the pilot's compartment door off to get at a shocked-looking Sangheili underneath. Also, for formatting, those vertical bars can be accomplished with a "----", four horizontal bars in a line of their own, rather than a series of underscores. Different users see the site in different widths because of computer monitors, web browsers, etc. being different, so using that proper formatting ensures everyone sees it the way you want. As for the subject matter, there's actually very little focus on the relationship there. A lot of that lead-up is pure action, without any character thoughts or feelings to make us understand the people going through the events. We're only starting to get that there's a relationship at all when O'Neill is introduced. Consider starting there, elaborating a bit on why the two are such good friends, and keep it going.
• Human Flotsam by Actene
  • "Diana likes Sii-mooon!" Alright, I had my fun there. This is what I'm talking about. A character's thoughts and opinions concerning another character, and how it reflects on themselves in turn. Adding in the doubles each has in their respective roles as Spartan and AI is an excellent choice, since it allows for comparison, leading to further reflection for Diana, and so on. Have I shilled for Actene enough yet? Probably not, but I'll cut it short and say pick of the week.
• We Could Be Heroes by Ajax 013
  • Aha, off the bat, I'm seeing the same thing I do, and that's putting too many comma-enclosed aside phrases in a sentence. I know how easy it is to keep flowing from one to the next, but you've gotta remember to cut at some places so subjects don't get confused. "lay in wait." would be a good place for the first stop, then lead into description with the next sentence. There's a bit of repetition as far as the reader goes, too, with the Kig-Yar patrolling and Ryuko then stating that, while we get very sparse description of either. What are the Kig-Yar patrolling, what do Ryuko and Sabine look like for the benefit of readers engaging with these characters for the first time? You've also gotta watch punctuation at the end of spoken quotes. Is that a European thing? I think I've chided a few others from across the pond about that. You've got some good details, though, like the difference between their stares. A suggestion, you might make the point about helping out and stopping slavers hit home harder if what Ryuko was seeing (and thus, allowing the audience to see) was slave pens these pirates were guarding, and the horrible conditions inside which this pair know all too well. Could even compare their reactions to those memories.
• Letter 452, Albert Rocha by Minuteman 2492
  • A solid choice for approach, the to-whom-it-may-concern letter format, but I feel you really need to expand that second paragraph for us to get a handle on who this guy was and why the writer cared about him so much. The specificity, the details are the crux of what makes the format work, but we don't know what jokes they were which he used to lighten the mood. It's an informed ability to keep everyone's spirits up, showing but not telling us. Think of what this writer might say if "This one time, he..." was the beginning of a sentence about the point where Rocha says that he cared for each of his squadron mates. By showing us what in particular the writer remembers, it shows how much the writer cared by remembering so well, and just by exposing us to the character being talked about, it makes him more endeared to the reader.

Week 11: Katanarama

Prompt: For a universe in which we have guns, and plasma guns, and hard-light guns(?), fights seem to come down to a straight-up fistfight pretty often. It's a fact of a lot of fiction—a melee fight is a lot more personal than a gunfight, can show off the character's strength or martial art skill more viscerally. And Halo has some ideal weapons with which to do that: the Gravity Hammer, combat knifes, and yes, the impractically-designed Energy Sword. Seriously, the end of the curved parts around the blades are just gonna take your own wrists off. Put it down before you hurt yourself. But before you do that, write up 500 words or less that incorporate melee weapons or even unarmed fighting in some way. Could be a bar fight, could be a duel both parties are taking very seriously, or it could simply be a master of such combat making a philosophical point about the why or how of its use. Just remember to include stakes that make us care about who wins if a fight is the main focus of the piece.

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Weakness by Brodie-001 The Chance of a Lifetime by Sonasaurus—Winner Reunion by Lordofmonsterisland Broken by Ajax 013

• Weakness by Brodie-001
  • It's difficult to judge for style, as ultimately a lot of writing comes down to personal preference, but I think I can offer a few insights. For instance, the fight's already moving action-to-action to give it the fast pace a fight needs, but there are places it could be punched up, so to speak, such as taking out any form of "is". Generally, it's just an extra word that could be gotten rid of with a rewording: "Jack’s overhead swing was dodged by Elena" could be quicker as "Elena dodged Jack's overhead swing". Granted there's a word limit, but I think more description wouldn't go amiss with the fight, although that's hard to do--both descriptive and quick. Specific words that create images like you already have in "twirling blows" can do a lot of that work. Further, I like that Marco's working to subvert an exercise he feels is wasteful, but we don't really get much reaction from Roe, or a subsequent reaction from Marco to Roe's lack of reaction, to know if that subversion worked.
• The Chance of a Lifetime by Sonasaurus
  • This piece picks up right in the midst of the action, which being an excerpt, works in its favor, I think. The action's well-paced, and I see Hayley's resentment as the clear source that leads into their physical confrontation, but I'm surprised Ezell isn't a little surprised by her throwing the first punch. She's an ODST, I take it, and thus has the reputation credentials of someone who could easily block this tipsy teenager's jab at her, but it strikes me that she's in the middle of making an offer and if the punch comes without warning, it would be a reaction she wasn't expecting. Unless she was intentionally provoking such a response, in which case Ezell strikes me as just a little cruel, but maybe that's what you're going for. The only other hang-up I've got is that Ezell takes a broken bottle through the palm and is never mentioned to so much as flinch. ODST or no, that seems like it ought to hurt, or at least grit her teeth and sound angry as she's giving Hayley her last chance ultimatum. But I think there's a good start to a couple new characters here, enough to earn my pick of the week.
• Reunion by Lordofmonsterisland
  • Ah, Lomi, it may fit both last week's and this week's prompt, but it's over the limit by about a hundred words. Nonetheless, I like the "first, second, third" series of attacks you open with, as it meshes well with the surgical approach to combat an S-II like Riker seems like they'd have. That second paragraph, I feel, may get a bit too much into summary as it establishes a bit, but it could also be that I'll never read the word "emotions" again without thinking of David Cage. So that could be on me, but you might also consider making it a specific emotion Riker's grappling with. I also enjoy the fact that this piece finally sets one of the long-standing quotes from Riker's article (or at least a paraphrase redux of it) in prose.
• Broken by Ajax 013
  • Gotta watch for that end-line punctuation, 'cause I'll keep harping on it every time. Ryuko and Sabine's rivalry is prime fodder for this challenge, though. I know it's because of the word limit, but I feel there's a lack of description here that takes away significantly from the piece, as we don't get a very clear picture of the arena or the details of their fight; how Sabine counterattacks, when the first blood comes. I think I have a suggestion, though, which would be to jump in right as Ryuko has stepped out into the ring, or even mid-fight, allowing more of the 500 words to go towards its description. The beforehand of Ryuko readying up for battle has enough potential for its own expansion and detail regarding her captors, her gear, and its use to make for another whole short.

Week 12: Roast 'em, Toast 'em

Prompt: So this one's a challenge I've been meaning to throw at you for a while, and with April Fool's Day coming up this week, I figured now's as good a time as any to throw you a curve ball. No, you'll not be sending brave heroes on missions of dire galactic importance for this one, but focusing on a basic human need: food. I was a big fan of the Redwall series as a kid, and let me tell you, the descriptions of food were mouth-watering. Bubbly cordials, meadowcream-topped trifles and cakes... though, granted, Halo is much less likely to feature such treats as the unpleasantness of a protein ration bar. But there are examples, like the Thorn Beast that Maccaebus' pack devoured, that show there's some pride in culinary arts among the species of the galaxy. Think on it, and see what food-related snippets you can come up with, in 500 words or less. Good luck!

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Green Desert by Actene Big Moa by Slower Than Most—Winner

• Green Desert by Actene
  • This piece pulls back a quite a bit from your usual entries, going into more summary of a long period of time than intimate detail of a brief one. You've got one line you forgot to double-space, mind, watch for that. Heh, I was afraid someone would make use of the prompt for this particular subject. You've found my fear, well done. There's a darker side to Halo that usually shows up in the true nature of the Flood, or ONI's cutthroat tactics to keep a human empire together, and I think this gets at that same dark side in a different way than we've seen before, so good on ya for that.
• Big Moa by Slower Than Most
  • Halorale and Halloran, two planets I now must wonder are one and the same and somebody misspelled it, or two planets after all. You as well, make sure lines get those double-spaces. Good choice for characters here, as it takes the rarity of good food among the universe's chosen group of heroes, who are usually packing probably a handful of protein bars that are compact enough to fit in a single belt pouch and that's all they get for a week, and takes the opportunity of introducing them to food crafted for taste (if not health). I also like that you're having the viewpoint character describe the food items she sees rather than name them, but I challenge you to keep going farther with it by making the observations specific. In "small, crispy yellow items", "items" is the word I take issue with, turn that into "straws" or some other word to describe their length, and "strange loafs of bread" into something describing their unusual roundness. You're on the right track to get inside your character's head and give their unique viewpoint, now make those descriptions that much more precise. For giving me that teachable moment, pick of the week.

Week 13: Mostly at Night

Prompt: This challenge ought to be good for my psyche. So I mentioned in last week's reviews that there's a darker side to Halo, which rears its head from time to time to give us a good dose of the 'ole grimdark. But there's gotta be a point to it. It's fine to delve into the darker side of human nature from time to time, but if there's not a discovery in that exploration, it becomes violence (or worse) for its own sake, and revels in that dark side instead of rising above or even learning from it. Sorry, caught a bit of The Punisher a few days ago, maybe that's what has me on this train of thought. For this challenge, you might show something like one character's revenge upon another, but if it gets excessive, be sure to acknowledge that there are consequences for going too far, perhaps a friend gives them an ultimatum and leaves when they don't stop, or in the process hurt someone they didn't mean to. Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.

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Tyrant's Logic by Ajax 013 — Winner

• Tyrant's Logic by Ajax 013
  • I did ask for dark, and you went killing kids on me. Check that box, for sure. Again, while I know there's a word count to consider, but a bit of heavier description would really help to make for a vivid image bringing the actions between dialogue lines alive. By entering the subway, I'd assume there was a stairway down below some city street, and I didn't know where she'd have been relative to it before, it's just suddenly there. With a word limit, gotta pick and choose what's worthy of description and what's not. You've got a good discourse going with Augustus and Ajax's discussion, though; Augustus wanting to strive for saving more versus Ajax's pragmatic realism. One thing you might do to enhance their dialogue without adding to your word count is make use of italics and ellipses in a few places. I hear Augustus' pause when Ajax poses him his questions, but a little ". . ." before "that's what I thought" would've made Ajax waiting on his answer clearer, while italics could make Augustus' pleas more laden with emotion and make for that much more of a comparison with Ajax's coldness.

Week 14: On The Sixth Respawn

Prompt: This'll either be fun, or your worst nightmare 'cause it'll mean you'll want to draw up whole new storylines in your grand expansive plans. Or both. Writers have a problem: we never stop coming up with ideas. Of course, that means focusing on one idea is the challenging part. But for this challenge, indulge yourself a little bit: come up with a new character for a short, one we haven't seen or heard of before on the site. Not that they have to be completely opposite, but they should probably differ a little bit from the characters you already have to offer a different perspective. Experiment, and with 500 words or less, see what angles you come up with for their involvement in the Halo universe. See where it leads you.

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Flames by Minuteman 2492 Dishonourable Conduct by The Pale Kestrl Desperate Times by Andromeda Vadum Advantage by Coolbuddy379 Tenacity by CBrando89 Collective by Sev40 Expendable by Actene The Decision by Chakravartin Simple Pleasures by Laconia Those Who Fight Monsters by Lordofmonsterisland Backup by Brodie-001 — Winner

• Flames by Minuteman 2492
  • Wait, a pilot who seems a bit miffed at the UNSC? I thought I said new characters, Minuteman! That aside, I like the way you continue the style of dialogue free of tags with most dialogue in the piece. Independent dialogue like that is one of the typical ways I think of when considering how to open writing, and having it be all one way through a larger story wouldn't work, but in a short, it seems to work for me. I'm not sure of the date in-universe for this, and it led me to a little confusion. I thought the mention of him being a test pilot was just to inform me aside about the character in a show-not-tell way irrelevant to the story, but then I realized it's a test of the HEV, which makes me wonder just how early is this in the timeline? The question the piece leaves me with that I do like is whether or not Rocha's dead at its end, giving some ambiguity to ponder on afterwards.
• Dishonourable Conduct by The Pale Kestrl
  • You're paying very close attention to your spelling, that I can see, but punctuation is still costing you a bit. Missed commas mid-sentence and missed apostrophes to show possession, like "the blades' sharpened edges"/"the blade's sharpened edges" can lead to some momentary confusion that pulls a reader out of the story for a moment, which isn't a huge problem as far as they go, but it's a hiccup that could easily be fixed to allow the reader to get more into reading. You've included great descriptive detail, but occasionally, it goes a little too long, that first sentence in particular. There's just a few too many adjectives, which give a great image of your subjects, but they make the sentence go on too long without a breath. Dividing it into more sentences while keeping the detail helps strike a balance. Although we don't get too much of where Rahs comes from, it does allow for an ominous sign of where he's going and what he intends to do, so it makes for a neat introduction.
• Desperate Times by Andromeda Vadum
  • You've got a bit of a change in tense going on between the first few paragraphs. First in the present with "will always be" and "are piled", then switching to a consistent past-tense "panic surged" and "she dialed" later on. I'm a little confused by the implications made about what's going on in the piece, because it sounds like you're having Halsey abduct and force childbearing on unwilling women with the right random genetic criteria, and nobody short of brainwashing is that blatantly evil, at least as far as the Halo universe goes, and certainly not Halsey. Having scenes in stories actually showing those moments would seem creepy (which, naturally, would be what such a scene would be going for) at best, and fetishistic at worst. I'd really advise against it if that's the plan. There's also that with a single groin kick, this young woman escapes two presumably trained ONI agents, but given where the piece leaves off, she could've been recaptured immediately after, so I don't know.
• Advantage by Coolbuddy379
  • There's an interesting point to be made about meshing the third person narrative with a character's perspective, especially since you have a viewpoint character you're following here. If this is his childhood friend, why would he use both her first and last name in what should be an everyday thought to him? It's a little formal, and unnecessary when you've given her name in the intro. Using just her first name would make it seem more personal. It's a very small detail, but details like that reflect on the larger picture. Other places, though, you're doing fine with it just by using "Hell, the whole" since that expletive lets us know it's his opinion on the whole thing, pulls us into his viewpoint. Although hell's used a second time in that sentence that doesn't quite make sense. There is a bit of a question to raise about what separates these characters from those "other looters" he thinks of as criminals. He's committing a crime right then by taking food from a store, the store owner presumably having bought it to sell in turn, and he's armed while doing it. But those are questions for a longer story.
• Tenacity by CBrando89
  • First recommendation I must make is to divide your prose into smaller paragraphs, so there's not a few solid text walls to read and especially because it helps break up action more clearly such as you have here, but I like where you're going with this piece. An alien warrior is able to be cruel because he sees humans as inferior, perhaps not even really alive any more than animals, before he starts reflecting on it towards the end. I think you could make the point more poignantly, though, if instead of happening to hear a noise, 'Tenamee finds the human survivors with a technology leagues above what humans have, such as Promethean Vision. Then it's not by chance the humans are found, but inevitable because the Elites are so superior, giving credence to 'Tenamee's initial belief. Also, a tip I like to give a lot is to use "that" as little as possible. Consider how the second sentence in your piece reads with "surrounding" instead of "that surrounded".
• Collective by Sev40
  • Ah, a Hunter perspective, now there's something I don't see often enough! You've got a little repetition there at the start of the second paragraph, which leads into a rather confusing sentence, but on the wider subject of paragraphs, you may want to divide up your action paragraphs more so there's a little variety in length, stressing some actions more than others by their placement. I like the multitude of sensations you mention, though I was wondering a little where the burning specifically was coming from. I assume it's the cannon they'd just fired, but then I wish there was some explanation about it not fitting well or not designed with the Lekgolo's comfort in mind early on. By it's end, though, I'm not quite sure what just happened, the same as Sin. Having no context of when or what battle this is, I can't guess, and the fiery end isn't specific enough for me to infer there, either. It means you're in tune with the character, which is good, but there has to be enough clues even if the character doesn't understand to give the reader some idea.
• Expendable by Actene
  • I think you use the word uniform a time too many in that intro paragraph. More importantly, though, I like how this piece plays with expectations. When you know things are going to take a turn, you're naturally looking for it, expecting it, but here those hopes, along with Eliza's are consistently dashed as the agent she thought she could trust makes no apparent move to spare her until the very end. Picking up in the middle of Eliza's story, though, we don't get a clear sense of her personality, but a very clear sense of her place in the Halo-verse, as a UNSC spy in the Insurrectionist ranks, one whose position will be cemented by the ambush the agent let the rebels think they orchestrated. Going forward, however, we know who she will be, so it does make for an effective introduction.
• The Decision by Chakravartin
  • By the end, I'm not certain who these two are. The accountants auditing the S-II Program? Which, when thought of that way, is kind of a humorous idea for a story about how impractical all the things that go into a video game world might actually be. And it does set up how one element of the universe came to be, one which is a very small element, but neat in that it shows how much decision-making went into every such aspect. Although I'm not particularly sure about who they are or what their exact role is, I do appreciate that their dialogue goes back and forth very naturally, which is really critical when such a mundane moment is being shown.
• Simple Pleasures by Laconia
  • Again, gotta love the unusual perspectives of the minor Covenant races. This day-in-the-life style introduces the character pretty well by showing him to the reader as murderous and opportunistic, then goes a step further by telling us this is routine for him. It does, however, come at the cost of showing us much of his placement in the wider universe, without a note about what or who the pirates usually raid or even who the character's Shipmaster is and how far down the ladder he is from them, but none of that is what this piece is about. How they go forward is a story for another day.
• Those Who Fight Monsters by Lordofmonsterisland
  • Interesting in that it's a set-up for a character we don't directly see, and who in fact doesn't even exist yet at the point of the story. It's also gratifying to see a piece that's relevant to current canon Halo events, and that said events are the cause of a sudden interruption in everybody else's ongoing plans. I'm not quite sure what the Created did to Enoch Outpost, however, as you mention the offices barren and scarred, and that the Created had been thoroughly destructive, but I'm never shown the damage and am not sure if or how much battle damage there was. Sapphira (reference appreciated, btw) is noted to have tried to rebel, so obviously there was something that went on, but we don't quite get the glimpse we need for that picture. There are also a few apostrophes or commas out of place, at least to my mind, those being the "supervisor's", "to peel away then vanished", and "entering the research lab at last. Katsu".
• Backup by Brodie-001
  • As with Brando, I advise using "that" as few times as possible. It's sort of a filler word (that) you can usually leave out or change a verb form to eliminate with no repercussions except getting through a sentence quicker. Anyway, I like the late reveal of the agent's name. Says something about both characters, with or without meaning to; since we follow one's perspective, Jill seems to think of herself only as Agent One-Two-One, while Violet doesn't bother with codenames and, without further context, the reader will naturally extrapolate she's probably more one to go headfirst through red tape by comparison to Jill. Not sure if it was intentional or not, but to highlight it and for doubling up on character intros, pick of the week.

Week 15: Return of the Mack

Prompt: So after a bit of confusion on a couple weeks where my word processor apparently reads different word counts than others', in the interest of everyone being able to participate on even ground, 500 words will be a ballpark number rather than a hard limit for this and all future challenges. Now then, for this week, I'll be taking a page from the Halo: Evolutions short story The Return, featuring a character returning to the site of his greatest victory, now a source of shame, to search for meaning. Places hold special importance to humans, whether it's the fond memory of meeting someone there, the somber memorials set to commemorate a battlefield, or simply the comfort of your own room to crash in at the end of a long day. In around 500 words, show us your character returning to a place familiar to them, and think about what the place meant to them last time they were there, as well as how they or the place have changed since. Best of luck!

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House and Home by Minuteman 2492 Looking for The Missing Wall by The Pale Kestrl Back to the Meridian by Coolbuddy379 The Jungle by Mythic. — Winner Eternal by Actene

• House and Home by Minuteman 2492
  • There's a really brief show-not-tell (to harp on that sometimes vague phrase again) bit with "now known as Oliver Edwards". I mean, it does establish he's in hiding, but aside from that it bears little significance when we never see him referred to as Oliver again, either in his own thoughts or by the other characters. Maybe instead of telling us the difference in names, a cabbie could drop him off and say "Bye, Mister Edwards" just a few sentences before he goes to the door and Richard answers to call him by a different name, establishing the difference more naturally, but it would be a lot of rewriting for a minimal effect. I like that we get a little bit of the memories Wright is referring to in the last couple paragraphs, as it helps ground what would otherwise be very vague sentiment, wistful longing for memories we don't get to share with him and understand why they mean so much (although why does Richard still have the same pots and pans? Any of them still have bullet holes in 'em?), though they are still fairly distant. Watch the punctuation on the last sentence.
• Looking for The Missing Wall by The Pale Kestrl
  • Again, you've really gotta watch the punctuation around dialogue and dialogue tags, as when I notice they're missing, it really pulls me out of the story as a reader. Periods before the quotation marks when a sentence is ending, and commas if there's a "Blah," he said, "blah." dialogue tag in the middle like that. A glassed planet's surface is an excellent setting for something like this, though it occurs to me that when they etch each name in, perhaps they should be using a heat tool to melt it in. Otherwise, with the glass so irregular, it could be someone starts chipping away one day, they find a fault line, and half the wall comes down and shatters. Now wouldn't that make for an interesting story? Although, I don't believe I'm ever actually told if the wall is glass or stone. I see the cave is going down into the ground, but is it a swirl naturally formed in the glass, or a tunnel that manages to reach deep enough into where the heat couldn't turn the world to glass? Doesn't have to be whole paragraphs of metaphors, but just make sure there's enough imagery that we know what we're supposed to see.
• Back to the Meridian by Coolbuddy379
  • Given you have his name and that of Meridian in the first few sentences (and Meridian in the title), I don't think you needed the intro line beforehand, since that information is just repeated a line later. It's like judging a meal by its plating, but while growing as a writer, eventually you should consider how your reader will find and approach your work, consider all of what they will see and avoid little redundancies or other potential snags. Not that you can account for everything every potential reader will have seen, but cover what you can. I can see you're trying to address how your average human learning about a Spartan would be alienated at first, but since this is post-war when John-117 is savior of humanity and all that, Dent wouldn't wonder too much at A077 not having a last name specified. Maybe connect the two. There is, again, a bit of telling without showing going on here, and it has to do with the structure of the story as well as the prose writing itself. We're told by Dent's inner monologue about the plan he's being contracted for, but wouldn't it be more interesting if Nick explained it to him once they met up, maybe pulled out a pocket hologram of the suit he intends to steal? And it'd probably make more sense, as Dent's a mercenary. If he knows where Nick's going to be, turning in a rogue Spartan to the UNSC would probably net him enough money to retire happily, whether he hates the UNSC or not. Consider Nick being less forthcoming with details until they actually meet, and it could fix both problems.
• The Jungle by Mythic.
  • This particular piece makes a nice use of how you've set your character's story in relation to the events of canon novels. And there's some great imagery, even if a lot of it is presented as being told, with the backstory of why and how things came about for La Selva from its beginning all the way to the story's present. Given both of those elements, however, I find it surprising there's not a more personal connection through Ana remembering her place among these burned, mural-covered buildings. Where was it that she in particular used to fit into this world? It's mentioned once that she played in this rec center, but what did she play, how much did it mean to her that makes it painful or any other feeling to return? It's still effective, but without her personal input to relate to the place, it becomes more of a recalled history of the place. Also, that last line, being a thought and not spoken dialogue, should probably be in italics instead of quotation marks. But for those minor gripes, it's a commendable piece, and has my pick for the week.
• Eternal by Actene
  • I feel like you're missing a comma in that second sentence to slow it down. A solid piece, otherwise. There's imagery present throughout, and Tuka's feelings are justifiably provoked by the surroundings. The location's change reflects that of the Sangheili in the wider Halo universe. I have trouble imagining the Sangheili who'd write graffiti like that, though. Writing on the walls in blood something about condemning the false prophets and whatnot, sure, but I hadn't yet considered them leaving messages on the bathroom stalls about whose holo-pad to appear on for a good time. But it makes for a nice addition, as a flippant joke that becomes very cruel for one who still holds onto faith.

Week 16: Not as Clumsy or Random

Prompt: Here's one that connects with me, surely, after getting so many reviews and prompts up days late. Embarrassment is a source of a lot of things—pain, shame, and hilarity. Most times, looking back at the moments we're embarrassed about, it sucks. Those moments make us cringe, for whatever reason I won't go into. But you've gotta recognize those moments are powerful if they're able to have that effect on you. So what might your characters be that embarrassed about? A mistake that should've been obvious? Overhearing something they really wish they hadn't? Coming forward to confide in someone about an embarrassing thought or memory is a powerful statement, as it proves they trust the other person enough to share whatever secret thing they've been thinking about, wanting to talk about, but too embarrassed to bring up. See what you come up with, in about 500 words, give or take.

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Blood and Guilt by Nikoli the rebel — Winner

• Blood and Guilt by Nikoli the rebel
  • Couple things on wiki coding, or maybe convention; people with different-size screens and web browsers see the site at different widths, so if you want a horizontal line going across the screen, you can do that with just four dashes, as wikia turns that into a line automatically; second, perhaps this is a convention someone recommended to you somewhere, but double-spaces between sentences aren't really necessary and just result in odd-looking gaps to most readers' eyes, so you might change those to single spaces. You should also be sure to revise for spelling with a closer eye, as "bended" should be "bent", "Sargent" should be "Sergeant", among others. There's also some tense changes, where most of the story is in past tense with -ed verbs and "was" rather than "is", but a couple times you have things like "laments" instead of "lamented" and "eyes water" instead of "watered". But you start out with a solid sensory image that helps ground the reader in a place and time, and keep up with consistent imagery throughout the piece. Nice work.

Week 17: Going Outpost-al

Prompt: Do I seem to be scraping somewhere near the bottom of the barrel for Reach Challenge names for these prompts? No? I thought not. Anyway. One aspect of the Halo universe is how defined the roles of certain types of characters are. They have their own distinct, sometimes uncompromisingly-exact places in the galaxy, whether that be a Spartan as a constantly-in-check supersoldier of the UNSC, an ODST falling to ground in a drop pod, or a Prophet sitting in an anti-grav chair going on about paths, gods and demons. There are also places each of those characters typically would not belong. So I'm looking for a fish-out-of-water story this week. In around 500 words, show me a Spartan chafing in their dress uniform at some formal event, or a rebel undercover and uncomfortably close to some off-duty Marines, or some civilian suddenly thrown into the midst of supersoldier-on-alien combat. See what you come up with.

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Normalcy by Brodie-001 — Winner

• Normalcy by Brodie-001
  • As a longtime reader of Brian Jacques, I'm sad you didn't go further into description with the food, even if it was just to hammer home briefly how grotesque it is by speculating on what it might be. Also, "more cushier" seems incorrect. You've got sort of an alternation going for a little while between one paragraph of prose and one line of thought, which I'm not sure is meant to be that way for some sort of effect, but I only noticed it after reading, so it's not distracting me from the act of reading, which is good. In the fourth big paragraph, I wonder if it'd appeal to you more to say Layla was able to pretend it was like being back with Beta Company, since immediately before she states it's not like Onyx was at all, which make for sort of a contradiction when she says it did for the briefest of moments. Lastly, while I think it's a good move to end on Layla's line of dialogue, we don't get to see her physical reaction to seeing her teammate again, aside from the initial shock. Consider having a dialogue tag right before it that just shows us that she smiles.

Week 18: Who's the Big Winner?

Prompt: I'm gonna do something a little odd with this one, 'cause hey, I figure if I'm doing 52 of these in a year, might as well be experimental with a few, right? So here's my challenge: write something which includes some variation on the line "Who are you?" directed at your character. This question could be taken seriously, as someone whose opinion they value could be urging them to figure themselves out ("Who are you? And what do you want?"), or it could be comical, asked as some opponent watches them stumble out of a building's rubble ("Who the hell is this guy?"), or it could be spoken with awe, as they're walking away from the grateful person they just rescued ("Who are you?"). Use it to consider how someone might see that character, and how they might see themselves. Usual ballpark of 500 words.

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One More Unto The Breach by Admiral Benjamin Church Induction by Lordofmonsterisland Vadumverse series/Identified! by Andromeda Vadum — Winner

• One More Unto The Breach by Admiral Benjamin Church
  • Ahhh. Alright, there's no getting around it, this story's got a lot of problems with narrative logic, even as short as it is, because it's effected by the logic of the world it's supposed to be set in. First, that very short exchange Church has with Serana is practically pointless to have because it tells us nothing, either about the characters or the situation. The only effect it seems to have is that by blowing her off, Church dislikes AIs, but it makes no sense; AIs are valuable and rare pieces of equipment which help run a ship, and if she's contacting him, it's likely for a reason, which Church should recognize and at least be interested in listening. And I wouldn't call just asking to talk a "ruckus". It doesn't give the impression of Church as important by having the power to turn someone away, it shows him being impatient and kind of needlessly rude. The second exchange with the ODST is kind of the same. By attacking Church, that ODST was striking a superior officer. The response to that would not be for said officer to beat the crap out of him to show how tough he is, it would be a dishonorable discharge and very possibly a prison sentence. Granted, he may've been out of uniform, but as the ship's commanding officer, that trooper really should have recognized him, though conversely, when Church has a ship of more than a hundred thousand, it's odd that he recognizes this one ODST. You could add that they had an exchange before which Church might've remembered him from, but then the ODST really should've remembered the Admiral. Striking a subordinate similarly doesn't reflect well on an officer, as to resort to a juvenile punch-up between two men doesn't exactly build the respect an officer, an Admiral most of all, should command. Aside from matters of insubordination, the fight is really unprovoked. Maybe that ODST was having a bad day, but we aren't told that in the story, so it comes across as a simple bit of glorification for the character, that he can beat up an ODST. There's no complexity to it, just an ODST being needlessly and irrationally a brute and Church punching him out for it. Which also raises the question of why an Admiral is able to beat a Helljumper when Admirals are supposed to be training the mind more than the body while ODSTs are the polar opposite, but I know there's history about Church being a supersoldier. It just doesn't show up in the story. Consider, when starting a piece of writing, that you may need to introduce your character a bit for those not familiar with them already; not that they need a full backstory told, but a quick idea of what they look like and what their role is. Lastly, a couple of formatting things; you have both thoughts and spoken dialogue lines in the story, but they're formatted the same way with quotation marks, so a reader can't easily tell one from another. Consider making thoughts all in italics to set them apart. Also, in your last paragraph, you always want to start a new paragraph when someone else starts speaking. It helps a reader keep track of who's talking.
• Induction by Lordofmonsterisland
  • "sizzling humming" rubs me the wrong way, as it makes it appear both are part of the sound, when I think you want the sizzle to be the sound and the humming what it's doing/where it's going. Try "sizzle humming". I know that's a nitpick, but give it a thought. Either way, the whole piece is making great use of sensory details, both sights and sounds, to give us an idea of where and how these two are fighting. I do raise a bit of a question at how this fight makes the Kaidon part of Bero'a's Cohort. "I beat you in a fight, now I own you" is Sangheili law? Doesn't this guy presumably have a state to govern and run? Why's he going to pack up and join this person, and abandon any ongoing alliances he has to do so? Still, these are the Sangheili. HONOR, I guess.
• Vadumverse series/Identified! by Andromeda Vadum
  • I think this is the first entry to make use of a music clip, unless . . . there might've been one before, and was it also yours? Anyway, if I didn't say so the previous time, good call in applying outside media to have an effect on your piece in a way that more or less text wouldn't. I know I promised you some critiques on prose style, though, so I'll try to keep that my focus. First recommendation I always make is to cut "that" wherever possible, as it just sort of fills in space without adding anything, and any sentence with it could be reworded, probably with an -ing verb, to not need it. So, from the top, that first sentence, you should switch "are" for "were" or "could be", as "are" is present-tense, which we talked about on the Irk. "with a sense of urgency" could be replaced with just "urgently", as it conveys the same information with fewer words. Not that it's about always being shorter, but you should try to be economical with words so when you have to go long, you can pack as much detail in as possible with every one. "He knew that the criminal's been dangerous and cunning" is a good place for some suggestions; first, you can easily cut the "that" straight out without anything changing, second, "the criminal's" makes it read kind of odd. Without the 's, it becomes "criminal has", which is present tense where "criminal had" is past. But the whole sentence is kind of simple telling, where you could be showing by giving examples of how he'd been dangerous and cunning. "Every time a case brought evidence against him, some technicality so slight it had to have been planned let him slip away, and Miller wasn't about to let him escape now," or something to that effect. Mind a question mark at the end of the first dialogue line, and a comma in "Suspect's" since it's about his name, thus possessive, i.e. "Jack's gun". "They hear a man scream inside the small room and take action"; first "hear" to "heard" for tense, and second, define "take action" for show-not-tell. Do they hear a scrambling as somebody inside they can't see tries to stumble away? Hope this gives you some food for thought on prose. I like the spin you put on the included line when they realize they have the wrong man. For that, pick of the week.

Week 19: Deathless Spear

Prompt: If I haven't mentioned it directly before in these challenges, the Halo Universe can be a pretty dangerous place. Zealous aliens who cleanse the galaxy of unbelievers, ancient weapons capable of causing death on unthinkable scales, and parasitic infections which mutate all living cells into more of their own kind. So what is it, exactly, that keeps your character from falling victim to any and all of those very persistent risks of grievous bodily harm and death? Power armor? Reinforced bones and muscles? Sheer force of will? Maybe just dumb luck? Whatever it might be, do some showcasing of it in a short of about 500 words. Bonus points for the character reflecting on it.

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Slow by Timothy Emeigh My Metal Skin by The Pale Kestrl The Beast by Actene -- Winner Lucky Lightning by Minuteman 2492

• Slow by Timothy Emeigh
  • I like that this entry doesn't explicitly state what has kept her alive all this time, but gives us the idea through what she finds missing now. It does look a little too much inwards and not enough outwards, however. In the first paragraph, for example, I don't know what shape "the shadow" is, only that there is one. I'm wanting for some description to get a clear picture of it, and the rest of where she is, but I appreciate in that example that you're being brief with detail to help with the impression of things moving fast in Sarah's perspective. Aligning prose with character viewpoint is a great strategy, just be sure to give us enough of an impression of what we're supposed be seeing that we can see it clearly.
• My Metal Skin by The Pale Kestrl
  • Heh, I understood that Miracle of Sound reference. Mind repetition in your sentences, though, second paragraph has one with two "around"s that stick out as redundant, for example. Also mind commas, "shooters" at the start of the last section, and a word or two which should've been deleted in revision got left as a sentence was being rewritten, it seems. Just needs a good proofread. I do have to say, though, that the moment of his armor failing isn't clear in that moment; what I mean is, by saying he stumbled first and explaining after, it makes it seem like Excalibur's fault and not the armor's. Just for a moment, as I catch it later, but maybe being more specific could spell it out for a reader, that the force-multiplying circuits in the knee had failed, and that's what caused him to trip. I do like the style of putting "he stumbled" first, because it allows for the same confusion he's feeling momentarily before it gets cleared up, so keep that if you can, but consider how else to play it.
• The Beast by Actene
  • You missed the italicization of the ship name. Other than that, though, it's good stuff. The facade Simon puts up gives layers of depth to the character, we see them at work on Zoey, and we see why he keeps up those perceptions even and especially for those closest to him. The one thing I might ask you to consider is the last line and how you format it. Having both bits of dialogue the same way leads me to think they're both aloud spoken by Simon, even when the second is supposedly coming from Stray. On the other hand, italicizing the latter comes off too strong, because then you lose the possibility of it being Simon. I'd recommend hitting Enter twice after "whispered", as then you've got the angle of both dialogue bits being formatted the same, but the new paragraph could suggest either it's a new entity speaking or the same.
• Lucky Lightning by Minuteman 2492
  • Having so many short lines of dialogue really helps to keep the piece moving, especially in the beginning, but the status checks go on just a little bit too long for my taste. In its place, I wish there was a little more reflection on how these characters feel that all they do is make punitive bombings, which if they're not bringing a larger change about, is just senseless violence. So I'm glad it's brought up, I'd just like to see it explored deeper, though it wouldn't be the point of this particular prompt. In relation to this week, though, the thing that saves the characters seems to be a coincidental thing, just luck, which I know I said in the prompt, but doesn't really reflect on them in any way that lets us get insight into who they are. I suppose it does get reflected in the titular nickname for the craft, though, and we get a perspective on more than one crew member. Maybe I ought to consider this piece to be about the ship!

Week 20: ...And Recreation

Prompt: Emerald Cove's shallow, tropical lagoons. The glacial ravines and frozen wastes of Kamchatka. Hot breeze sending ripples through an ocean of amber grain on Harvest and dozens of other agricultural worlds. The Halo universe sees Chief, the Arbiter, and Locke and their teams trek through quite a number of environments, and more than just the usual game grassland, desert, forest, jungle, ice world, fire world, boss pattern. So let's see your characters get out there and explore, be it crawling through the innards of some mysterious Forerunner machine or trying to press their way through a crowd in New Mombasa without their Spartan strength incidentally breaking someone's arm. Remember, when traveling, it's as much about the people you meet as the places you go, so having the characters interact with the setting more than it merely being a pretty backdrop earns points. Ballpark 500 words, please.

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Trek by Brodie-001 -- Winner Under the Starry Sky by Nikoli the rebel

• Trek by Brodie-001
  • Mind the double use of "slowly" in the first large paragraph, and I know it's a pain, but if you can get your word processor to make a long emdash, it looks much better than the hyphen. There, now with nitpicks out of the way, I can say I like the use of wildlife in the piece, since it makes the environment more involved than a stage by having a creature spook and slow down the characters. And I was a fan of the Crocodile Hunter, but there at least I can spot my bias. I would've liked it more, however, if it had been more than an incidental thing they stumbled across unrelated to the rest, perhaps by the Spartans' plan being to stampede the big beast right into the Covenant camp and cause a whole lot of chaos for them. Another consideration, just as a further thought since the particular environment they're in is a swamp, might be that when the team comes to a halt, have there be a moment before you describe the creature where the Spartans are looking into the mist, tense because the dark and fog render even their augmented eyes unable to see what their motion tracker knows is lurking nearby.
• Under the Starry Sky by Nikoli the rebel
  • "Shone", not "shown". Which is funny because my old show-not-tell adage is gonna come up in a couple examples here. Third paragraph, "from his fiance's funeral", is the telling part that should just be taken out, and it's info we already get from your introduction bit besides. Later in the same paragraph, "It was Latin for “My whole world begins and ends with you.”". I like the content, but "It was Latin for" makes it something you're straight telling the audience, when you have a really great opportunity to show by making it an image. Look how that section reads if you take it out: "...as he read the handcrafted inscription on the underside. Incipit et desinit cum toto mundo. “My whole world begins and ends with you.”" Since we know it's the inscription he's reading, you can just go straight to it without "It was Latin for".

Week 21: Eyes in the Sky

Prompt: A few users have made use of this opportunity in the Halo universe before, but not nearly enough by my count. We often see in the novels the large-scale tactical view of starship battles by capital ship commanders bringing their hulking battleships around through slow, orbital arcs to line up that one, perfect shot with their MAC cannon on a Covenant vessel, but we rarely see space battles from the perspective of fighter pilots. And Halo is rich in opportunity, with Longswords and Broadswords going up against Seraphs and Space Banshees, for a Star Wars-style story of dogfighting. Human pilots have an uphill battle with their plasma-vulnerable craft going up against shielded enemies, while Sangheili barons scoff as they burn through wing after wing of heretic gnats. Keep it about 500 words, and give those pilot characters on your Spartan team or a Navy pilot concept you've had in the back of your mind shine.

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Trial Run by Brodie-001--Winner

• Trial Run by Brodie-001
  • The chosen moment makes for a natural tie-in to canon, and as ever, I love that B312 remains as unspecified as possible. Since everyone has one when they play Reach, if not a canonized version on the site, keeping it non-specific lets any reader imagine their own in the position this B312 is. The action stays pretty fast-paced when each step between dialogue is in solid paragraphs, something I've noticed with Brandon Sanderson's prose in Mistborn, and it seems to work. The one suggestion I'd make is changing the second use of "within" to "in", which reads quicker. There are also a couple of typos to watch for, "read" to "red" for example. Since I hark back to Star Wars and its dogfights for this challenge, I think it was pretty good to include so much mid-combat dialogue.

Week 22: Ride the Wave

Prompt: A guest judge this week, as I'll be out of contact at the end of this week. With that, I'll hand it over to Actene.

Military fiction often emphasizes the importance of successful teamwork. This is especially true in Halo, with canon installments since The Fall of Reach making a point to show that no one succeeds on their own. For this week, write something that emphasizes how the efforts of a team (in this case, the team should consist of three or more individuals) contribute to the success or failure of a single individual. This can range from something as simple to a squad of Marines covering one of their own as they advance to something broader, such as a Sangheili Kaidon winning glory due to the sacrifices of his vassals. As usual, maintain a rough word count of 500.

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All Part Of The Plan by Ajax 013 Traitor by Lordofmonsterisland---Winner Diversion by Brodie-001

• All Part Of The Plan by Ajax 013
  • I’ll start off with the pros: I really like the team dynamic you present in this short. Even in the short amount of space provided, each of the characters stand out as distinct individuals. The short also does a good job at emphasizing how each character contributes to the overall plan as well as using the dialogue to unpack the larger situation at hand. As for cons, I caught a lot of punctuation errors throughout the piece that detracted a lot from the overall quality. I’d recommend a few proofread sessions to catch these mistakes in the future.
• Traitor
  • My first impression of this short was how well it conveyed movement and action: I had an easy time visualizing Roy’s powerful physical actions thanks to the momentum of the prose as it walked me through the battle. Although I found the exposition-heavy intro a bit overlong, once the character action kicked off I was hooked. I was especially impressed with the ending: rather than going for a clean end to a military operation, you ended it with Roy being betrayed and shot. The betrayal at the end of the short really undercut the concept of being part of a team—but in a good way. Roy thinks he is doing one thing when he and his teammates are actually playing a role entirely in someone else’s plan. The ambiguity about what happened as well as Roy’s ultimate fate was a great way to make me interested in learning more about the character and the circumstances surrounding his betrayal. For that, I name this short the winner of this week’s prompt.
• Diversion by Brodie-001
  • This one was a solid, straightforward action piece and was pretty textbook as far as Spartan training exercises go. The title gave the game away a bit and the formula was standard, but it was very well written and conveyed not only Ianto’s own train of thinking but also his bond with the rest of Team Scythe and their dynamic with each other and with the rest of Gamma Company as well.

Week 23: Iron Will

Prompt: E3's got us all pumped up this week, and while new trailers have us thinking of what's ahead, let's put a little of that excited energy to use expanding what's going on in the present. The Guardian Crisis (as we seem to be calling it unofficially) has begun, and in practically a day, it's changed the face of the galaxy. Literally, in the case of some planets' faces. Artificial Intelligences from across human space have banded together into a single, all-powerful cabal to rule with a benevolent, but iron, fist. Some species have already bowed to their will as automated machines provide for them, while the Guardians themselves loom overhead as the ultimate Big Brother. And being in the Halo universe, your characters are caught up in it. How is it effecting them? Are they fleeing to the freedom of wild space, trying desperately to mount a fight as their own equipment turns on them, or trying to keep their head down in the midst of this regime change? Remember to keep an eye on where this is timeline-wise, as it is a canon event, and that if your characters are fighting back against the Created, they probably shouldn't be winning.

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The New Gods by Mythic.--Winner

• The New Gods by Mythic.
  • I do enjoy that you've chosen characters who benefit from the Created takeover. Things like that bit about Balaho in canon lead me to wonder just what we'll be up against in Halo 6, whether it'll be Grunts and Elites and Brutes serving the Created and what it will mean if Chief, Locke, and their teams are fighting their way through and destroying, say, neighborhoods built thanks to the Created and fighting the people loyal to them because of it. At one point, one has to ask, does the UNSC go from the dethroned rightful government to rebels doing more harm than good by fighting the Created? Complicated issues (which we can only hope get tackled in Halo 6), and the Brutes' natural ferocity plays well to your Jiralhanae insurgent. One thing, though, is just to uncapitalize the "He" in "He had become desperate." It may be the only entry this week, but it rightly earns its spot.

Week 24: ...Is a Virtue

Prompt: What does your character hold as an ideal? What do they strive for, believe is worth sacrificing for? For a Spartan, perhaps it's order, in their opinion best brought by the UNSC. Honor, any Sangheili might say, but what does their personal good name matter against a hundred lives? Or even one life? What if that life is someone dear to them? For this week's challenge, I want you to find a value your character holds, maybe not the one they hold above all others, but something important to them, and then have it tested. Put them in a situation where holding to their ideal is not easy, or they have to break their personal code to achieve the best result. You may also want to reflect on why you, as the writer, gave this value to them. What does it say about you, that you would create a character who strives for this? About 500 words, if you please.

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Choice by Brodie-001--Winner

• Choice by Brodie-001
  • I think there's a bit more set-up needed for this piece, as I wasn't initially sure what the conflict was supposed to be--leaving men behind, or disobeying the orders of a superior officer. There is a brief bit of hesitation for Mack, but only because of the possibility of a court martial or the danger of running into the advancing Insurrectionists. Perhaps Mack is set up elsewhere to be a very by-the-book strict sort of person, but it doesn't quite show enough here to make that into an inner conflict. Of course, the characters in need of rescue here are important to your future plots, but imagine if these were minor characters and Mack was forced to leave people who trusted him behind, because the risk was too great or there was too much at stake to be risked. Still, the writing's up to the standard that should be an example for the site to strive for, so it's a worthy winner.

Week 25: Neuroscience

Prompt: How does an AI in Halo think? There are mile-long strings of code programming it to keep itself in check, prevent rampancy, but its core is a virtual model of a human brain. Are the movements of its avatar subconscious, swinging a holographic sword as it battles an intruding intelligence because that's the way a human brain remembers fighting, or is it a calculated show for its effect on some observing human's psychology? It's fairy open this week: just do something that involves AI, preferably from their point of view. Ballpark 500 words as usual, folks.

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Blind Side by Lordofmonsterisland — Winner Become the Fire by Actene

• Blind Side by Lordofmonsterisland
  • Reading through, I think you should make use of pronouns a bit more often with Susano, as there seem to be a lot of sentences that begin with his name early in. There are also a couple places where thoughts are unitalicized, or are in italics when they shouldn't be like a dialogue tag. Just a proofread needed, really. I do like, though, that you've set the piece at the time canon's up to now, giving it some relevance to current Halo events. I'd like it to be more specific, though, about where these characters are and what they're doing. Where did this rebel cell come from, who are the UNSC forces, and where are they fighting? You could contrast their location with Susano's sort of lack of a location, existing in virtual space.
• Become the Fire by Actene
  • Missed an "as", second sentence second paragraph, and a "to" for a "too". I think this is the first solely first-person piece I've read from you, and it's appropriately very stream-of-consciousness. There's a clear path to it, with the gathering consciousness that will become Diana coming into being, seeing a way out, but then deciding existence is the better fate. There's a lot that remains very abstract, though--a lot of "it" and "this", which could perhaps be grounded better with more metaphors like the ocean and jungle, or returning to them to expand those analogies Diana makes further.

Week 26: Linked Up to Bungie.net

Prompt: For some of us, this week began with Independence Day, while for others, it started with a Monday. But that doesn't mean we can't all celebrate together, for in this week also falls 7/7, Bungie Day! Our former overlords may have relinquished control over the world they created for us, so they can't do anything special for the baby they gave up officially . . . but we're not official, now are we? So for all the times provided to us by those who gave us Halo in the first place, it's free reign on whatever you want to write this week. Just have mercy on me and keep it about 500 words for your entry. Enjoy!

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Halo Spotlight: Bounties by Lordofmonsterisland--Winner

• Halo Spotlight: Bounties by Lordofmonsterisland
  • Missed a period on the last line, there. You've assembled quite a bunch here, which is one of the primary focuses of the piece, along with setting up a later event. So despite that we're looking to do more with fewer words, I think you've really gotta take the opportunity to describe them here, and I mean heavily. This is the scum and flotsam of the universe we're talking about, let's see what's washed up! Show me the Reaper's SPI armor (and how Miranda perceives it; does she know what it is, or is it merely strange power armor?), show me if the Long Eye Brothers are identical or entirely at odds, show me what the heck a human called Skovamol looks like, since I'm not familiar with the character. The description you've already got for the Covenant characters to make up for their lack of names is a step in the right direction.

Week 27: A Satisfied Thirst

Prompt: Alright, given how last week went, maybe I'm just asking for trouble, since the last food-related one didn't raise much turnout either, but . . . how does your character go about drinking? Is your Spartan lamenting they've got Captain America's metabolism and can't drink away their sorrows, or wearing the widest possible grin as he challenges some chump to a drinking contest? Do they drink often and love the whole of it, talking about craft brews from the most obscure of planets, or is it only on special, or perhaps sad, occasions alone to remember someone over? Does it end in stumbling off to bed, drunken escapades the participants will be fortunate not to remember, or a good old brawl? Around 500 words, if you please.

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Night at the Club by Lieutenant Davis — Winner

• Night at the Club by Lieutenant Davis
  • So, here's my thing—there's a writer's addage that says you should always show us the most interesting point in your character's life, and if you're not, why aren't you showing us that. Now, naturally, not every story can be about that moment in the same character's life, but here, not much of significance really happens. Corin is accosted in a bar by some needlessly belligerent kid, beats him up, beats up the bouncers who come to throw him out, then encounters someone with a mysterious offer. The fight would, perhaps, set up an idea of who Corin is, but we don't really get much of that—we don't get why he jumped straight to violence apart from being a Marine, and we don't get why he's in the bar in the first place. What we do get in the opening is that Corin doesn't know himself—it's the kind of place, we are told just a little, that it's not the kind of place he goes in, but explore that more. Something brought him in there, and while he may not know it, you as the writer do, and the readers might like to see it because that would give an insight into his character, more than just saying he doesn't know and dislikes this kind of club. Was he just that desperate for a drink, or that bored, or couldn't find a place more to his liking since he's been away from the area so long and has given up his search except for this place? And while the man approaching with an offer makes for a good set-up, I would rather have seen its payoff with the offer itself in some quieter room, since it might hint at some plot which effects Corin and the wider world more than the meaningless bar fight, as well as the action was written.

Week 28: Heroic Spelunking

Prompt: For being supposedly so few and far apart, the remains of Forerunner constructions sure have popped up pretty regularly in the Halo storyline. Sacred rings, shield worlds, line installations—it seems there aren't any colonies left you can set foot on without an ancient relic sitting just below the surface, waiting to wake back up and start causing trouble for everyone. But they served an important part in setting the tone of Halo from the beginning. Wandering alone through these enigmatic, abandoned megastructures brought up a lot of questions between firefights. Who were the people who built this place, and why, and where did they go? Now, of course, we have some of the answers, but when you don't, those questions can be pretty powerful. How would characters of yours react to finding a relic? Wax philosophical on what it means for their place in the universe, take an analytical approach and try to figure out (or even reactivate) some of their machines, or take the practical approach and search for the exit as Covenant or worse pursue them? Ballpark 500 as usual, people.

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Monolith by Brodie-001--Winner

• Monolith by Brodie-001
  • In the eighth paragraph, "out" to "our"; also, I'd change "responded" to "replied", typically responded sounds better when it comes after the speaker's name, in my opinion. With the nipick minutia out of the way, I must say, I love the speculation at the heart of the story, as it's what I was after with this challenge, the way characters are influenced by this staple of the Halo-verse. One recommendation I'd make, though, is to use their comments to further describe the structure, since we don't get much on it. Along the lines of "those platforms must be landing pads" or "I bet those struts are communication towers", and perhaps one of the other characters dismissing them to say "no, those are obviously--" whatever the heck they think. Characterize while further defining the image. But yeah, I like what's going on here.

Week 29: Credits for Completion

Prompt: Money makes the world go 'round, but some of the typical character archetypes in the Halo universe might have an odd relationship with money. How does a Spartan-II or -III, who was raised and cared for by the military practically their entire lives, even view money? Would it even matter to them, and what problems could it create if they suddenly found themselves in need of it? What tight spots is an Insurrectionist leader placed in when he needs to find the funds for his glorious revolution, or perhaps there's a wealthy corporation funding them from the shadows which leverages the power it gives them to turn that glorious fight for freedom into a tool of profit. Where is a Sangheili commander freed from the Covenant but still with a ship to refuel supposed to get his supplies? Bottom line: what relationship does your character have with money? Give us some insight into it in about 500 words.

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Just a Job by Lordofmonsterisland--Winner A Greedy Society by Andromeda Vadum

• Just a Job by Lordofmonsterisland
  • As I ever extoll, mind "that"s, since there are a few in here (that) you don't need (see? great example, sentence works without that). An odd choice to go with "accent" for describing a Jiralhanae's voice, and since this is a random guard who gets killed off pretty quick, I know you're not going for some obscure regional dialect of Jiralhanae language, so I'd think you'd want to go for more of a bestial description, gutteral, growling, words with g- I guess. "I'll do take you up" in one of Amadeus' dialogue lines could stand to be revised. Thing is, the short isn't much about money, though it's brought up and pointed out relevantly; it's about a Spartan who's been kidnapped, gets a showy second of attempted escape, and is sort of threatened into complying for the moment, but we don't have much indication of if Amadeus is going to stick with them. We know he's got the power to get away, and this employer hasn't given him a whole lot of reason to stay but the threat, which he could probably escape. I think it could be very well turned around, though, if you have the suit man offer the carrot instead of the stick; tell Amadeus he'll be well-paid for his service, and what he could do with all that money. That he could have things of his own for a change instead of what the UNSC so generously deigns he can borrow for a mission's length. And have Amadeus choose it willingly. Embrace a darker, self-serving motivation. It could make for a very chilling moment to see the moment he becomes a little darker of a character.
• A Greedy Society by Andromeda Vadum
  • As with Lomi, "that"s. Watch 'em. A neat approach, to write it as an in-universe article, but I'm left asking where this is supposed to come from, since it adds "you saw the word "money." Which as a reader outside the universe, I want to know how an in-universe person would see it; was it in a newspaper (the 26th century even have those?) on a datapad, an Insurrectionist pamphlet, on a website? Maybe Chattersite, whatever the in-universe terminology is. Point is, since it's taking this approach, go all-out. Make it more than just the text, maybe add a background image if you can figure it out (I'm still trying to myself) to make it look like a news article. Heck, maybe place the text on an image in Paint or a similar program, make the whole article a big image. That'd be pretty unique. The other thing I'd suggest is to make it more specific to a place in the world; give a named example of a 26th-century celebrity, give the people this person's addressing a target for their hatred, because anger's much more easily used when its given direction. Talk about how this guy snubbed a charity while purchasing a personal orbital shuttle or something. The concept you've got here is great, but it goes into very vague sentiments for the most part. Concrete examples, details, will make it a stronger case.

Week 30: Save One Bullet

Prompt: So a few weeks ago, I tried leaving the prompt completely open, and it didn't exactly generate a lot of responses, so I'm going to try the opposite approach: a very specific situation. Or at least, partly specified. The location could be a ship, or a planet, or a Halo ring or wherever else you might imagine, with one common element: it's been completely overrun by the Flood. Your character is one of the last alive on the planet, and they've reached the final viable means off-world in their reach with one or more others. The problem: for whatever reason, there's only room for one. What does your character do? Will it depend on who they're with, or will it be a matter of their own principles? Think the end of that Halo: Evolutions short story, The Mona Lisa.

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Protocol Upheld by Actene—Winner

• Protocol Upheld by Actene
  • Mind the extra "and" in the last of the second paragraph. Wasn't expecting a Forerunner entry, though I never do seem to consider Forerunner era things much. Blame a lack of material, maybe. Still, makes for a nice one-shot when the character's name matches the state of the war being playing for time, which Parangosky and Ackerson discuss a hundred thousand years later. Could one call that a theme in the Halo universe? Perhaps not, but at least it means the idea's familiar in the wider world. And I like that you tie in the logic of the character's decision to that of all his Forerunner kin, with the rings operating in the same manner.

Week 31: Short, Controlled Bursts

Prompt: "For sale: baby shoes—never worn." These words are said to have been written by Ernest Hemmingway, though not likely true. But the point is, there's a complete story told in those six words alone. All of it implied, a backstory leading up to the place that sad statement appears. For this week's challenge, you won't need to make your own article, simply post your six-word story in the list below, with your name attached, naturally. And these don't necessarily need to scream deep Halo tie-in, though bonus points if you can manage it. Word limit this time is, of course, 6. Example for conventions' sake below.

"Your son has my eyes." by Ahalosniper. "Should we really trust their sermon?" by Revan180193. "And what about the civilians?" by DarthNicky "The way the world ends." by Andromeda Vadum "Doctor gave me 24 hours. Yesterday." by Timothy Emeigh "Your honor murdered my Cohort." by Lordofmonsterisland "The procedures failed. You're being reassigned." by Brodie-001--Winner "Ashen sky, second sun, glassed earth." by Ajax 013

Week 32: Vengeance Found

Prompt: Some weeks I like to give a prompt that'll show your characters at peace, atypical for what they're usually up to in the conflict-filled Halo-verse. This isn't one of those weeks. This is a universe filled with old grudges. The rebels hate the UNSC for exploiting the colonies, the humans hate the Covenant for taking away their homes and families, the Covenant hate humans for being filthy heretics. But what, or who, does your character hate the most? What would they most like to see harmed, and what lengths would they go to for it? Right around 500 words, if you please.

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False Child by Actene--Winner

• False Child by Actene
  • Pretty powerful subject matter to be taking on, with very relevant connections to abusive parents in the real world. Getting inside the head of such a person is tricky, so I especially like the shifting of blame seen in Tatianna, that Simon's not her son while Arthur and even Helen are. The obsessiveness of her need to destroy him, however, reveals how much it effects her; if she truly thought she was blameless, would she be so angry? There's a lot of repression at work. I would say, however, that Arthur needs a bit more introduction in his current form, even though it's a short slice from the middle of grand long story arcs. I get a little lost as it's said he's an AI, but then reaches out and physically touches Tatianna. Guess I'm still getting used to the idea of Created AI taking on physical forms aside from Cortana, it doesn't come naturally to mind, so a bit more introduction for him could do some good.

Week 33: You Want This, Don't You?

Prompt: I was once asked what I'd do if I found twenty bucks lying around. The generally agreed-upon good act would be look around to see if there's an owner, while others said of course the owner's probably long gone if they've forgotten the money. My answer was I'd take it, stare guiltily at it on my dresser for a week, then spend it, and was told at least I was honest. So say your character finds something of great value? What do they do with it? This might have all sorts of answers, based on what the item is and just how valuable, and whether they know it belongs to someone else or should be turned over to the authorities for whatever reason. Show me how your character makes such a judgement call. Right around 500 words, as per the usual.

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Relics by KingOfYou115--Winner

• Relics by KingOfYou115
  • One thing you'll want to mind is past and present tense, since there are a couple places where an "is" should be replaced by a "was', like in the last paragraph, and a "hovers" should be "hovered". There are some who write in the present tense, but it's fairly unusual and is awkward because of that, and any writing should be consistent one way or the other. Have to say, there's a nice feel to it between the characters' naivete concerning Forerunner devices and detailed description you put into the location makes me feel like I'm looking at the strange structures in the first game again. Nowadays, one recognizes right away when the Forerunners and their ancient space magic are at work, but this approaches it fresh. There's more detail to be desired in some places, though, for example with character descriptions. All we get for Kyle, for instance, is being directly told he's a sniper. Show instead by perhaps having him motion with a sniper rifle he carries for what he wants Victor to look at. In the last paragraph, too, give us some visual indication of why Kyle's usual following seems wrong, like Victor noticing he's hanging back a little further than usual, walking a little slower, or is quieter or has his helmet not looking directly at them to tell he's thinking. Some nice work here all the same, a worthy winner.

Week 34: Home Field Advantage

Prompt: Terrain can be a serious game-changer for any contest, whether it rains the day before a sports match or you have the high ground in a duel, especially if you have the time to prepare it beforehand. Where do your characters feel most comfortable, and I suppose this prompt can count out of combat or in. Does your character's MJOLNIR variant allow for a particular advantage in certain terrain, or perhaps the weight of armor can be used to the advantage of someone fighting against such a foe; or maybe you'll want to explore where in all the galaxy they feel the most safe and secure. Around 500 words, if you please.

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Cliffside Assistance by KingOfYou115 Revenant by Brodie-001 - Winner Safety Glassed by Lordofmonsterisland

• Cliffside Assistance by KingOfYou115
  • I think the little snags I found in your last piece are more prominent in this one; for example, by saying "Kyle had his crosshairs fixated on the notorious rebel leader, Arthur Banks", you're directly telling your audience what is happening instead of showing it to them by giving a description of Banks or building up why he's notorious. Change "seem" to "seemed" in the third paragraph. The real trouble with this piece, though, is I don't see it applying to the prompt very strongly. The terrain is noted, but it's not particularly advantaging or disadvantaging anyone, and there's no response from Kyle about his surroundings. He's sitting on a high bluff with a sniper rifle overlooking their compound, why not add that he's feeling a little smug about just how much trouble his foes are about to be in? I also might remark that anti-air emplacements aren't much good when a frigate can hit them pretty precisely from orbit.
• Revenant by Brodie-001
  • I can't help feeling the third phrase in that first sentence breaks its rhythm a little bit, maybe because "and revealed" is referring to the fog where the sun was the subject at first . . . I'm sounding eccentric, but try it with "revealing" and maybe a couple adjectives for massacre, and see what you think. Also make sure to double-check the short dashes become long dashes for that aside in the middle. The early scene description uses maybe a few too many adjectives where particular nouns like "blast holes" could be used in place of "blackened craters", but other than that, it's a solid work. The importance of the place to the person isn't quite as significant as I'd hoped, but then maybe that's got something to do with my wording of the prompt after two, and the last line does establish it a the place Rora was remade, so there's at least a bit of import attached to it.
• Safety Glassed by Lordofmonsterisland
  • Hey, look at that, I don't even have any conventions stuff to remark on. I think I used a similar half-dream half-present approach for On The Run. The piece does take the alternative of making the setting a meaningful place for the character rather than a battlefield, but I think the core of the opportunity was missed by focusing more on the characters and their relating than the setting itself and how the place made them feel. Naturally, those good memories they have are set in their home, but there's nothing about the place itself noted to remind Caleb of it, like "the guitar dad was teaching how to play" or "the window he'd broken playing soccer and dad forgave him for".

Week 35: Follow the Leader

Prompt: Follow this link to the season finale of Hunt the Truth, Halo 5s audio drama advertising campaign. If you haven't already listened to the series, you may want to skip this week and start listening, because the series is awesome, but if you get through all of it before the week's out, write a response of some kind to the final interview with Ben Giraud. What would someone in the universe think after listening to this interview alone, without any of the context leading up to it? (Actually, if you haven't listened to the rest of Hunt the Truth, listening to this blindly might help you step into a listening character's shoes better.) Or perhaps deal with a similar theme in your short, how ONI maintains control or how some maneuver silences your character. Right around 500 words, if you please.

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Vadumverse series/Conspiracy by Andromeda Vadum Out of the Loop by Actene--Winner Schadenfreude by Brodie-001

• Vadumverse series/Conspiracy by Andromeda Vadum
  • I'd give that second paragraph a look for show-not-tell, because it's a prime place to get a bit better description. "Sitting across from him was Detective Jason Miller. He started working for the UEG Police Department four months ago" is specifically what I'd look at for just flatly telling your reader what's there, but imagine what you could do just by describing how he sits. "Across from him was Detective Jason Miller, his shoulders square and his spine upright in his seat. He'd started work four months ago and still had the exacting discipline of someone eager to be as professional as the veterans." Also regarding that paragraph, the "although" makes those last two phrases seem like they're supposed to contradict each other, better to say something along the lines of "he knew he wasn't a pro yet, and practice wouldn't hurt". Now, and this discussion goes a bit beyond the piece, I think this is where your concept for the UEG Police Department starts to show a few flaws. You're charging this Detective, which isn't very high on the totem pole as a position, with finding a journalist who could be anywhere in human space or beyond, and bringing down the leadership of a widespread terrorist organization. First, if this organization is supposed to cover a jurisdiction as large as the UEG, wouldn't they have closer regional branches once they track where Petra's last known location was and hand it off to them? And on the second, one policeman is going to track down all the leaders of Sapient Sunrise--which should be taken all the more seriously as a canon organization. Taking apart a whole canon faction is something you might not want to do, as new info on them could come out and render your work NCF. If he were an ONI agent, a highly-skilled one, I might be more inclined to believe him capable in the first place, and that seems to be what you want to make the UEG Police Department--a spy agency, as what you want the characters in it to do is counter-insurgency, far from law enforcement. Federal-level police agencies are things like the FBI and CIA would be a closer overlap between the two. I'd really suggest changing the name of the organization and modeling it more on spy than cop drama.
• Out of the Loop by Actene
  • This makes great use of the prompt--alluding to bigger events at work which count on those of Hunt the Truth, and shows directly how those events are changed by its outcome; namely that widespread Insurrectionist attacks were ready up until the moment Giraud's interview went horribly, horribly wrong. Not to mention the Assembly tie-in fits considering Hunt the Truth and Halo 5's subject matter. Feels like I'm leaving you a little short on review, but I can't find anything in the way of spelling or grammar to harp on, so good on you.
• Schadenfreude by Brodie-001
  • Fourth paragraph, mind "that". I can't help liking how diametrically opposed this is to Hunt the Truth, not only because it's the other side, ONI's side, of the same story, but because of the inner thought you give Redford: Giraud deserved this. An ONI agent is looking at a far bigger, longer-reaching picture, and every small threat to it is treated with contempt, like these are petty complaints. But for Giraud, we know, this meant everything--his career, his integrity, his life were all on the line, and he's the one that lost. I would, however, reconsider a few word choices to better match Redford's psychology, though. The dialogue tag for his thought states he was reassuring himself, but nothing in the piece before suggested he'd need reassurance for the rightness of his actions, and indeed he wouldn't need reassuring, it seems. If you want to add that he does need reassuring, give him at least a flicker of regret, of considering how horrible he just made Giraud's life--though we later see Redford gleeful about his spiteful addition of transferring Giraud to Midnight. And so long as he's enjoying it, you might switch the phrase with "deserved" to "deserves", like "This is what Giraud deserves". I don't know, I think it would be a more direct show of spite from Redford towards Giraud. His last dialogue line also seems like a reiteration, like he needs to reassure himself, and also restates more or less that he was confident about the choice. Since it's sort of summary in that way, I'd suggest just cutting that last little paragraph.

Week 36: More Than You Think

Prompt: I'm having a bit of a thought after last week, connecting Hunt the Truth to the first part of Power Plays. In both instances, so many stories attached to one incident make the impact and importance of that incident so much greater, be it Giraud's interview or the assassination of Jul 'Mdama. There were plans laid beforehand that would lead to the moment, plans which depended on it going a certain way, some of which were upset when the event went one way or another. So this week, find any moment in canon you think particularly worthy, and write up a short of about 500 words that makes that moment more significant. This could be a galaxy-spanning change, or it could be something simple to which you add new meaning, like a change in the perception of a relationship. Maybe there was a moment in Halo 2 you thought Johnson might've started to realize Miranda had grown into the leader her father was. Good luck!

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She Made the Right Choice by Sonasaurus The Promised Heresy by Lordofmonsterisland--Winner

• She Made the Right Choice by Sonasaurus
  • There seemed like a lot of "the"s in the first paragraph on my first time going through; doesn't seem as much looking back, but first impressions are everything, so you may want to see if there are other ways of wording it you like more. I'm also sort of surprised by your use of parenthesis in prose. There's certainly no rule against it, but I'm so not used to seeing it that they take me out of the story and remind me I'm looking at text, which isn't what you want. If there's a sort of phrase within a phrase that calls for an extra pause, I recommend using emdashes for an aside. Same effect, less obtrusive. A good choice for expansion, though, and I appreciate the care put in to avoid specifying anything about Noble Six. Keyes' sentiment might be made stronger, though, by including specific Spartans he'd known of and had contact with, Gray Team being the first to spring to mind.
• The Promised Heresy by Lordofmonsterisland
  • Here's what I was looking for; side stories that are effected by the actions of canon. While Thel's enduring great personal shame, the event also has repercussions politically, and interrupts these characters' plans, making the canon event all the more significant. Granted, however, you are introducing quite a few characters to me in a short space of time. The nature of Bero'a's connection to Thel isn't quite clear in one respect; I got that he's their superior as Supreme Commander, and that he would be the one Bero'a could confide in had this not happened, but I'm not sure what she means by "a warrior of mine". I suspect you mean Thel was a previous pupil, but it's never directly spelled out, which I could've done with. Still, these sort of events are very much relevant to those of Broken Circle, which you may want to check out, if possible.

Week 37: Pod Kettle Black

Prompt: Hypocrisy, thy name is you. Of course, to be called out on hypocrisy in the first place, a character needs two things: a trait they hate, and to be guilty of such a thing themselves. So what does your characters hate most about themselves? What is it they hate so passionately, they could blindly commit themselves to stop? Or perhaps it's the other way around; they hate some aspect of themselves so fiercely, they can't stand to see it in others. And what comes of it? A tense conversation with a friend while tired and tempers are frayed, or the element which makes them hate a particular adversary so intensely? In the ballpark of 500 words, please.

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Shackles for Shackles by The Pale Kestrl Regrets by Brodie-001—Winner

• Shackles for Shackles by The Pale Kestrl
  • Bit of repitition with "metal links" in the first two lines, and remember "that"s can always be taken out. You're also still missing punctuation at the end of dialogue lines. I can definitely feel Tal's frustration in this piece, his failure to make it on his own, but it has very little in the way of context, and to completely understand him, it needs that. The third-to-last paragraph starts with "But I couldn't last alone", and I want to know why that is! What the Azakai are and how he ended up in Hellion's prison (which, by the way, we rolled into one with another one-off prison called Forsaken Solitude), because those events are what prove to him he's wired to put himself back into his cage. Heck, he might even consider being with the crew and following Gavin as an imprisonment, because some of the choices he's following are not his own. That could be a great seed for a story, Tal coming to terms with it, making some decisions of his own and seeing the crew stick with him on them. Perhaps realizing then it's not so bad following others, because he chooses to follow them. There are excellent underlying themes in the piece, but you could get at the heart of them better by recounting the events which have led to it and understanding the lessons Tal has taken from them.
• Regrets by Brodie-001
  • Missed the italicization on that first line of thought, there. And the emdashes. Well, the story does show me why Kane despises his own moments of cowardice, and what it's cost him in the past. I know he has his own character established, but I think the point may've been more effective had some of the things listed after, the "rigorous training", perhaps have tied in by being something he was afraid to fail, or went through because he was afraid of what might've become of him had he not taken it on. But for the hypocrisy angle, I'd have liked to see a moment Kane was disgusted by someone else, perhaps even another Spartan, for their own cowardice. Maybe they face down the same threat and Kane hating another's fear for feeling the same himself, before his hatred of it drives him to overcome it. Here, not much of significance is going on, aside from Kane's affirmation not to give into it the next time.

Week 38: Just a Shower

Prompt: It's the little things which mean the most, sometimes. The clean feeling of having had a shower after a day fighting the creepy, virulent biomass of the Flood. The click of a new, full magazine sliding home, providing comfort in the knowledge your weapon's ready for the next threat coming around the corner. The way she smiles. What little things do your characters find gives them peace, helps get them through the day? Whether it's just something that makes the day a little easier, or something large, unforeseen circumstances turn from a little relief to an act averting crises, let's see 500 words on the subject.

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Girl's Best Friend by Lordofmonsterisland-Winner

• Girl's Best Friend by Lordofmonsterisland
  • So, guest judge for the week and thankfully I've only got one to review! First and foremost I enjoy that this piece is a quiet, and introspective one. After Halo 5's rather unambiguous ending, the universe post Created is excruciatingly bare. This piece does a very good job of highlighting the stress and mental exhaustion such a galaxy-shattering event would have. However, I feel there are better ways to get across that Miranda is so mentally and physically drained. For example, "Miranda’s thoughts trailed off, unable to form coherent thoughts even for herself." Personally, I would prefer it if there was more description of her body language. Maybe she could be chewing her lip, or biting at her nails or even tearing the loose skin around those dry hands. Likewise, I feel like there was a missed opportunity to give the lizard some playful description - describe the lizard cocking its head or something, just to describe how different this little animal is from her. And my final complaint, is the small reassurances she gives to the animal. Personally, I would have liked to have seen what she was saying, because again it shows us how she is feeling allowing the audience to empathise more closely with the character and the situation she finds herself in. Showing-not-telling is important because it allows the characters to breathe in your stories, and makes them seem more real because we can see that they are actually experiencing these emotions and traumas firsthand, rather than relying on the omniscient third person narrator telling us so. Though I do understand that word count is a factor, but there was something even more intimate missing from this scene. All that criticism aside, I still thoroughly enjoyed this story and it is a deserving winner.

Week 39: Deathless Spear

The regular judge is out for the week, so everyone welcome our guest judge with open arms.

Throughout Halo's extensive lore, each narrator has a specific character that they idolise and believe to be indomitable. For the Spartan-IIs there was Mendez, their grizzled trainer who extracted nothing but perfection from them. The IIIs had Kurt, the charismatic leader who perhaps felt too much for those under his command and for the rest of Humanity, there was John-117. The saviour of mankind who cheated death. Many of our characters feel the same way about their mentors - but as we saw with the death of Johnson, and Keyes and Kurt war is indiscriminate in who it takes. In about 500 or so words, detail the moment one of your characters -- human or not -- experienced first hand the loss of their mentor and realised that if their heroes can die, perhaps they can too.

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Vadumverse series/A Death in the Family by Andromeda Vadum Punishment by Brodie-001-Winner Conspicuous Absence by Ahalosniper

• Vadumverse series/A Death in the Family by Andromeda Vadum
  • Perhaps the most important thing to say about this piece it the rapidness in which the focus changes. Within two lines, and without much warning, we've shifted from Josh to Zephyer. It disrupts the flow of the piece and makes it jarring to read. Secondly, and I am aware and sympathetic that this is an extract, there's far too much exposition told to us as opposed to being shown through dialogue and character actions. Personally, I feel like Josh's desire for revenge would have been more impactful had we not known that Draco was Zephyr's uncle. Imagine the tension that could have uplifted the scene had we learnt that Draco was this important person to Draco as Josh was hellbent of providing his own form of justice. Also, just as a side note, you mention that Draco moves towards his son, and then immediately after refer to him as Josh's uncle - it's easily done, god knows how many times I've done something similar.

• Punishment by Brodie-001
  • I must admit, when I first envisaged this prompt the scenario set forth in this piece was not one that I had thought of. It is a very well written piece and captures well the intimacy of a Covenant trial and execution. I only have two small critiques I'd like to offer you. First is a missed opportunity to really hammer home the oppressiveness and how much of a show trial this was. I feel like a few small snippets of impassioned dialogue from the spectators would have emphasised the sham nature of the trial as opposed to us simply being told. Secondly, there wasn't much aside from the small student comment to let us know just how close the relationship between these two Sangheili were, or why Toru felt so compelled to inform upon him. Was it blind loyalty? A lust for power that has now backfired? But like I said, small grievances in what is an excellent piece and a deserving winner.

• Conspicuous Absence by Ahalosniper
  • An excellent and very personal piece. Spartans, especially the IIs, are usually portrayed as hulking war machines with little to no room for personal feelings, doubts or fears - and this is backed up through most of the mediums Halo has touched. This is well structured and very nicely paced, but I have very little to criticise other than I'd like there to be a little more description of Vinh's own movements and body language. As you know, this is over the word limit so is immediately disqualified, but had it been under I feel like this may just have won.

Week 40: Demon

Huge thanks to our guest judge, slowfuture, for picking up the slack in the last two weeks, as the usual judge overestimated his wifi situation and was unable to perform his duties.

Prompt: Right, so, no Haloween this year, but if you thought I'd skip out on the chance to hijack my other project for the same purpose, you'd be rather incorrect. The Halo universe is a scary place, as previously stated on the old project's page. Aliens, alien zombies, and now what are basically technological space ghosts, and each of them has tried to take over the universe. So since we're already a third of the way into October, let's have a try at telling some horror stories in around 500 words. For something this length, you might look to creepypastas across the internet for inspiration, there's plenty out there!

Week 41: If It Bleeds...

Prompt: I can hardly believe I haven't done this one already, but to continue in the Halloween-ish theme, I'm happy to've had it in reserve. The Halo universe is filled with superhuman heroes, stronger and swifter than any mere mortal . . . but even they aren't totally dauntless. The indomitable Master Chief himself found it unthinkable to consider Cortana actually dying—until it happened. So what does your character fear? Marauding aliens, or perhaps something more personal? How might they react if their worst fears were to come to pass? And, after some discussion, I'm upping the word limit to 1000 this time, though you're under no obligation to go for that long if you don't desire to.

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The Last Tears by Actene--Winner

• The Last Tears by Actene
  • While an excellent point in Simon's history to expound upon, marking his moment of turning into something frightening, the piece isn't quite about the character's own fears. There is a bit of Simon reflecting on, realizing the monster he's chosen to become, but especially with Simon's imaginings for the future, the clear purpose is to make Simon frightening to the reader, rather than examine his own fears. And Simon's a character who's had to live with more to fear in his day-to-day life than probably any other Spartan! So the prose is great, but had there been other entrants this week, one of them might've snaked this one out from under you.

Week 42: Skullamanjaro!

Prompt: Alright, so maybe these horror-themed prompts haven't been very successful, but damned if I'm not giving my last chance at it a go. So, with this being the week of All Hallow's Eve, I have one last question for your response, 500 words or so: what does your character do when faced with the unknown? Have your character run into something inexplicable, something they may not believe their eyes over for a moment. Was that some AI, glitching so its avatar walks the halls, or someone in active camouflage, because it couldn't be... what? What did you think you saw? What mysteries are still out there, hiding in the darkness between stars, yet to be understood? And what terror comes with comprehension? The center of this prompt, though, really, is about one of the core elements of horror: disempowerment. That's tricky to do when your character's probably an armored, super-strong supersoldier, but even they're still human, and have some of the same frailties. Not knowing what they're up against takes power away from them. For all the things their armor can protect them from, they can always imagine something worse, and imagine it watching them from somewhere they can't see. See where it leads you, and Happy Halloween.

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Drifting by Brodie-001--Winner Unknown Contact by Lordofmonsterisland

• Drifting by Brodie-001
  • Got sort of a flashback to Jorge floating over Reach reading this. You've got some good images set up in the first large paragraph, but I think you're capable of going a bit farther with them; you could replace "moved" with something more descriptive, for instance, and describe Paris IV below in something like "the blue-green jewel of Paris IV" instead of "surface". You may've missed a word in the sentence beginning with "Consigned to his above". A great choice for a Spartan's fear, rendered powerless for all his strength and years perfecting his craft, able to kick and scream as much as he likes and have it come to nothing. I would've liked to see Marco more shaken as he pulled his helmet off, though, rescued the second his suit reserves went dry, even if he is trying to put on a brave face for his team. Gasping, unable to take in enough of it, sweating, shaking, something.
• Unknown Contact by Lordofmonsterisland
  • Hey, a rare Team Scimitar sighting. Thing is, I think saving the Flood to reveal last actually hurts the piece. It was successful in keeping me guessing--I didn't know what the thing was meant to be, wasn't sure until about when it talked about biomass covering the valley. And that made for some good aspects; the blood and bone description gave me images of Berserk more than the orangey, indistinct mass of a Flood hive. But when I don't know what Billy's running from, not getting more than "that thing", it leaves me more unimpressed by Billy than intrigued or frightened by what's chasing him. You did make a good move by emphasizing in the second paragraph how competent Billy is, only to contrast with how whatever it is has him on the run, but I want to see or hear after-fact Billy being tough against this thing, rather than be informed how tough he's supposed to be. He's got armor, weapons, and as one further for the particular character, a Gamma's extreme reaction to stress--there's an opportunity there. When the fight-or-flight response kicks in, we see the Gammas in Last Light go berserk with attacking a target, but if that were to fail against something, I can imagine the fear and the flight response being just as intense, and that's where you could lead into the events of the piece. To that end, however, I might recommend changing it from one Flood form to a whole horde, as it'd be easier to imagine the absolutely ceaseless onslaught of many, sucking up the dead flesh of the forms Billy's already killed to throw at him again (and add him to what they've consumed), and more in line with what the Flood do with overwhelming rather than one form solo.

Week 43: Tip of the Spear (LASO)

Prompt: Alright, after a month of me pushing particular prompts your way, I'll give you an easy one. As much as I love seeing non-superhuman characters now, and how they relate to and survive in a world filled with them, the reason I first got into Halo was definitely in part the armor-wearing knights with guns and those capable of matching them. Halo is a universe of exceptional people, be it because they're augmented to be strong and swift, or so ingenious they invent a new tactic in the midst of battle against a superior foe. So how do your characters stand out? Show us how your Spartan's specialty, naval officer's intelligence, or any other character's exceptional trait can make all the difference. And getting back to trying it out, I'll let the word cap be a thousand this time. Good luck!

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Feet First by Lordofmonsterisland--Winner

• Feet First by Lordofmonsterisland
  • A lot of well-paced action in this piece, though I feel it's often rather sparing on the details. For instance, with the Focus Turrets--they're a thing from in the games, a Halo reader is probably going to recognize them, but the reader still has to visualize them, and I found myself wanting for a description. Same with the Soldiers and Crawlers, but you do give us plenty of description where it's really needed, with the introduction of this new Promethean type. The trouble I run into there, however, is the sentence leading up to it: the sentence starting the paragraph with "But as they pressed into the complex". It starts off the paragraph where we get this first introduction by telling us what it is; consider starting off with description of the hallways they find themselves in, then how this massive thing fits in that space, then perhaps have one of Scimitar call out its name, if they've encountered and know this thing from before.

Week 44: L.D. Exodus

Prompt: For this week's challenge, I want to see something from a specific, but classic, situation in the Halo universe: the evacuation of a human colony during the Human-Covenant War. This happened probably seven hundred-odd times throughout the 27-year period, so there's plenty of room for you to tailor the event specifically to whatever dramatic situation you want for the events framing your characters. Reach and Harvest were only lost after bitter campaigns lasting months or years, while Jericho VII lasted a mere three days. What small pictures in these planet-wide events do you want to expand on? The reflections of devout Covenant warriors, the human tragedy of those leaving their homes, the desperate, futile heroics of UNSC troops? Feel free to go as high as a thousand words on this one.

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Megszakad a szivem by Brodie-001--Winner

• Megszakad a szivem by Brodie-001
  • Didn't expect the title of this week's challenge to be used quite so literally. "There was flash" needs an "a". While I realize this piece already runs a bit long, I could've stood to see more personal connection between Ross and his parents, the mother trying something to comfort him early in. There are a few bits I could use more explanation for, like why Ross' mother has a radio listening in to military communication, or why the crowd at first--when you've just stated the Covenant are almost on them--are willing to move in an orderly fashion, but those are my only gripes. It sets up a good starting point for a future character, even if this Sigmaverse character's main story is to be long after the current Halo timeframe.

Week 45: Ad Infinitum

Prompt: In the same vein as last week's prompt, I've got a specific era for this week's challenge, just a bit further ahead in the timeline. The UNSC Infinity is, I think, a wonderful concept; the ship is large enough to have self-contained stories told aboard it, and still traverse the galaxy so the same cast of characters may have adventures on whatever world the needs of the plot demand. Very Star Trek. So with that in mind, fill in a bit of that space. What happens on the voyages of the starship Infinity? Feel free, and in fact encouraged, to include canon characters to see how they're progressing as the voyage continues. Might be useful to have a look at some of the material here from the personal website of Graeme Devine, lead writer on Halo Wars, which was never canon or in-game, but was written by his team to get a feel for life aboard the Spirit of Fire. Roughly 500 words, if you please.

Week 46: Fourth Horseman

Prompt: So here's one of the big topics: how does your character react to death? Death is an ever-present element in the Halo universe, from the beginning when John-117 was billed as "the last Spartan" and we discovered the Halo ring's purpose was to bring about mass extinction on a galactic scale. But it's not as casual an event as it might seem in a game where a respawn's just three seconds away. Loss and grieving are always natural to follow, and when it's seen on the scale of a planetary glassing or Halo firing, abject shock would be about the right response. This prompt could be applied any number of ways, from the loss of a comrade or loved one to perverse satisfaction as genocidal aliens or blasphemous heretics are exterminated. I'll bump up the upper limit to a thousand words on this one, but don't feel pressured to go that high if you don't want.

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Painful Confession by Orion-cjr The Price of Pain by The Pale Kestrl--Winner Shattered Lies by Timothy Emeigh Sacrifice by Brodie-001 The Fading Star by slowfuture

• Painful Confession by Orion-cjr
  • I always give this advice, but avoid "that"s wherever possible; they're a filler word which could usually be taken out of sentences and still have them make sense, but I see the pause you're trying to create in the middle of the first sentence here. I recommend changing it to "one", or eliminating the pause altogether. "Silence" is also used back-to-back in the first paragraph, so you may want to cut one. "Unfamiliar" also gets reused between paragraphs two and three, though if it's intentional, I might recommend changing the first to "familiar" so the difference between the two is highlighted. In one of Oru's lines, I'd recommend changing "life," to "lives" and getting rid of the pause the comma makes. Now, with my little nitpicks out of the way, to the broader view. Firstly, I think in the early paragraphs you need to set up better where on Sanghelios the scene takes place, as there's not much indication beyond the planet in the intro line. I could imagine this either in the Swords camp from Halo 5's campaign or the purple interior of a Covenant ship's hangar. There's also some places I bet you could get better detail in by changing statements to images, like showing us what particular adjustments the Spartans are making by "tinkering with their weapons", or what motion "a silent indication" is and whether it's with head or fingers. On the second one, you might adjust the sentence telling us Nathan is confused to Nathan making a confused glance toward Isabella, which tells us without stating that he's looking to her, as team leader, for guidance and she gives it with her indication. I do find myself liking how this story shows Riley as a character--she makes an effort to broker peace with this Sangheili, but when she finds out what Oru himself has been involved with and how close to home it hits her, she reacts quite violently. I think that particular moment when she learns it needs to be taken slower than that sudden explosion, though, as Riley's discipline is tested. She hears Oru say Alluvion, grits her teeth, tightens her fist, starting to lose composure but tries making one last further line in conversation--and maybe Oru says the exact wrong thing, something he means to be complimentary, like the humans there fought well, and that's when it's too much and Riley drives that fist into Oru. That further line could also give some better insight into Oru; why does he regret what was then honorable combat? Only because they're allies now, or perhaps he now realizes those he killed were not warriors? It's a good piece, but I think you can push it further to be really great.
• The Price of Pain by The Pale Kestrl
  • Consider removing "sound" and making it "The dull thump of Shepard's fists..." to start, takes out that straightforward tell of "the sound of" and becomes showing. Should also make a comma to combine those first two sentences, as the second is a fragment on its own. Gotta say, the inner thoughts are really well handled; it'd be easy for the thoughts to become abstract and hard to understand, but by grounding it with Shepard's physical action, it really works. That said, it could use a proofread for punctuation and the occasional tense/form out of place, like "pulled" seems like it should be "pull", and "loose" should be "lose" (we never let Loosing Hope hear the end of it, can't let it go here). Could take out "with little life to colour it", since "dull" alone gets across Shepard's tone. Since Shepard's hoping for her not to notice his tears, I think you could put more emphasis on Jess putting her face in his, since she must've come over knowing what he was trying to hide, and very physically forced him to acknowledge she knew it so he couldn't pretend to deny it any more. "sad emotion" could be more specific as "grief" or something similar. "help" to "helping". And the piece closes nicely with a tie-in to things that become part of the wider 'verse. It's very good work, but there's a lot of convention errors, missed spaces, absent periods and commas, which stick up for me and get in the way of going through smoothly, but they don't stop me from enjoying the piece altogether. There's a great shift from introspection in the first half to being confronted and forced to acknowledge what's going on in the second, both showing how Shepard grieves and stepping back to realize it and move past. For that, I do believe it's my pick of the week.
• Shattered Lies by Timothy Emeigh
  • "shining" is a good start, but I find myself wanting more detail on the necklace if it's going to be significant; the shape of it in particular, whether it depicts something important or not. "gripping... in her grasp" I might recommend changing the latter to "hand" or "palm" for repetition's sake. Mind "new" and "knew", as it doesn't show up as a misspelling. Strike "the", same sentence, since we don't know what footsteps they are, and there are a lot of back-to-back "to"s there as well. "Viscous" should be "vicious". Pretty strong as far as conventions go. So, more general, there's a lot that's somewhat removed from being in-the-moment, but since the piece is structured as an overall recollection of the course of a life, it works better than normal. There's a good amount of description, but by the nature of it all being brief recollection, I can't help thinking you could have much more visceral images and feelings if it were present-tense instead of memories. At first, I wondered why you used a further present as a frame for remembering the course of the past, but it makes sense once read since there needs to be a present to define the rest as past. The problem, I find, is that by making the whole thing about recalling Alexandra's encounters with her sister, there's very little about how Alexandra deals with it in the present, the only thing I'm given being a drive for revenge. The necklace, however, could be something you could make the past more relevant to the present with; showing its origin in the memories would be a good start. Perhaps their mother gave it to her, and Alexandra was jealous? Tie some theme into its origin that carries through to the present as Alexandra carries it.
• Sacrifice by Brodie-001
  • Looks like you're missing the end of a sentence in the first paragraph there. The second sentence also runs a little long in it. Remove the "that" after "flash of green". May want to make clear whose cry it is, as for a moment I thought it was Resk screaming after he'd died. Need an s on the end of "stranger". Right, so, this does end up going a bit long, but I think the first quarter or so could be cut very easily to home in more on the prompt. There's a lot which is strictly combat, which does provide for some intro, but Marco, Kane, and Wulf supply very little as opposed to Jax and Resk, which is where the focus should be. Having Jax acknowledge they were just out of sight, fighting in the next building or so would've been enough to bring them in around where this ends to discuss it with Jax. In turn, I actually would like this to be extended out a bit at the other end--Jax's grief at Resk's sacrifice is very well done, being given a lot of space devoted to it, but there's little there beyond grief. I think you're onto something with one line, however: "to protect so little". The fact those civilians being where they were made the difference between the Pelican being on time and not leads me to imagine Jax, for a moment, might resent them. If he were to voice that, one of his teammates could point out how Resk chose to die to protect so little, which is what makes this, as the title states, a sacrifice. I may be projecting some of what I want to see into this, however. I know the members of Sigma have been in your plans a very long time, and this may be the story you were looking to tell. As far as what I'm looking for, though, I'd have liked to see more from after Resk's death than the before.
• The Fading Star by slowfuture
  • You may want to eliminate the repetition of "onto her back" in the first two sentences. Might compare when Amy's mind dulls, paralyzed, to how her body's been immobilized as well. There's a couple thats which could go, and "last" seems like it should be "lasting", but those are the only nitpicks I have. Heh, I'm impressed, as I think this may be one of the first entries in all this time which went in favor of being much shorter than the limit. I do have a couple points to raise, though, and with the word count short as it is, you've got plenty of room for expansion. The first is, while I'm familiar with your characters, a first-time reader won't necessarily know who "all" had left Amy behind, not knowing the rest of her team. Even a quick rattling-off of the names and the fact they'd once been a team would make much clearer not just what Amy's narration refers to, but might make the whole thing stronger by establishing Joshua was the last of her teammates. Second is that I don't know where Hera comes from here; I do know it's the identity Amy chooses for herself later, and this is the moment she chooses it, but without knowing any significance of the name beforehand at this point, it comes off as a random pick. Where "Rosebud" was an interesting mystery, the nature of this being a short piece means that mystery isn't eventually answered and I have no context as to where the name came from or why it means anything to Amy. So there are a couple bits of information I find I want, but overall I think you fairly nailed the right amount of description and Amy's reactions without needing to use every word the requirement gives you.

Week 47: Be Their Huckleberry

Prompt: They say don't ever meet your heroes, because they'll always let you down. Unfortunately, this often proves right, as when you hear of someone's great deed without knowing them personally, you're left to fill in the rest of their character and tend to imagine what you think of as "good". But no one's perfect in reality. Halo is a universe filled with heroic figures, but all of them with their own weaknesses and flaws. Spartans are far from knights in shining armor, the greatest military leaders in the UNSC allow atrocities in the name of greater causes, and Sangheili masters of martial forms throw themselves headlong into zealotry and genocide. So who does your character idolize and, more importantly, how do they cope with finding out their heroes aren't as heroic as they thought? Somewhere under a thousand words, please.

Week 48: Weapon Swap

Prompt: When you're fighting a mission's worth of Covenant in the games, each dropping a Covenant weapon . . . it gets kinda hard to find ammo for your default UNSC weapons. So for this week, show me what your character does when they're forced to rely on unfamiliar tools. How adaptable are they? And this could go for things besides weapons; assignment to a new squad, for example. Somewhere under a thousand words, if you please.

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Graceless by Actene--Winner

• Graceless by Actene
  • "to be on fire" might be replaced with "aflame", to make the last of that first paragraph end with fewer short words. "So this was how it ended", or thereabout, is used twice, and not to a particular effect I picked up on, you may want to change one or both to the specific situations the "it"s refer to. One "too" needs to lose an "o". I might look for more Sangheili-ish closing words than "Let's go.", but the finish apart from that is great. This is the moment Shinsu changes, and it doesn't come as an in-the-face lesson, it's just a realization about survival that's going to change his tactics in the future. I do have the benefit of knowing Shinsu survives this encounter, but even without that beforehand knowledge, I think you've chosen the right place to cut it off, since with Shinsu's epiphany, the fight might as well already be over. Earns its place as winner to my mind.

Week 49: Showtime

Prompt:: For a primarily military sci fi universe, Halo’s been driven to expand and become a pretty open setting--we've had murder mysteries, political thrillers, and space westerns, to name just a few styles to have shown up in canon. So let's take advantage of that to have some fun. This week, use under a thousand words to write a genre piece in the Halo-verse, and I mean any genre. A neo-noir tale about crime on an urbanized colony world, horror as a single Flood spore multiplies, even an awkward romance between socially-inept Spartans. My one recommendation, though, is really get to know the genre you're working with, and make sure it shows through. Good luck!

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End of a Dream by Actene--Winner

• End of a Dream by Actene
  • I like the setup you have for it in the first line, though it reminded me of the docs in Reach's Legendary Edition, "Enclosed" like they were extra things in a physical letter, rather than an internal ONI header for a file stashed in some Indiana Jones-style warehouse kept for no reason but the keeping. Though, perhaps if the line was personalized, like some sympathetic ONI officer had sent them to Sonia--leading us to imagine she'd received them, and had to go through reading them--could be just as effective as knowing they'd never arrive. I guess what I'm saying is to make the line definite one way or the other. Last paragraph of the second-to-last letter, I'd make note that it was the UNSC in particular, perhaps down to, say, a Scorpion, that'd reduced her home to rubble, keep her hating the UNSC close in mind. Might also be interesting if Auina imagined 'taking a few oonskies with' her to include robbing some boy or girl back where they come from of their loved one, but that's just me projecting ideas. It's an excellent piece, specially formatted to set itself apart as a text document and all. Kinda find myself hoping to see her in Venter's entourage in some story set before this, knowing where her story ends.

Week 50: Throwing Fireballs

Prompt: Your character cutting down minions is all well and good now and then, but it doesn't exactly build them up to just be knocking down pawns. If your enemies aren't built up, defeating them seems like very little accomplishment. So for this week's challenge, write a snapshot of one important character in combat with another. Here, more things come into play; reputations of characters, egos have to be considered. Your character's not "an unbeatable fighter" if they've just lost a match. Besides, grappling with losing can make a more interesting story anyway. You may jump straight to hand-to-hand fights between dueling Sangheili, but this could also entail hours spent laying out in the cold and dark to find a rival sniper first, or be a race between Warthogs and Ghosts. Under a thousand words, please.

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The Takedown by DarthNicky--Winner The Final Hunt by Timothy Emeigh

• The Takedown by DarthNicky
  • I think I've heard "smash-and-grab" used somewhere, never "grab and bag." Anyway, the first paragraph's a bit of telling which you could set up later, reserving the first paragraph for more visceral description of O'Neill's wrestling with Frek, but being a short piece, that can probably be forgiven. There are a couple places, though, where bits of extra information slow down the action, like "experienced ODST officer" could be just "ODST", since him being an officer doesn't really effect what's going on in the moment. On the whole, I think the piece itself gives a good account of a struggle between the two; I do sort of wish Frek showed up elsewhere in the universe, so the establishing of O'Neill being able to out-fight Frek had consequences for both parties ongoing, but for a one-off character Frek is given enough information to make him a credible opponent.
• The Final Hunt by Timothy Emeigh
  • You're on the right track with "humid jungles" for description, giving me some picture of Jusan's surroundings, but I think you can change "made his way" to be even more vivid, "picking his way through (tangled vines, tall ferns, whatever description you see fit)". Similar to Jusan, though, I wonder why he's being sent alone, or why checking out one crashed ship qualifies as a mission. I'd sooner imagine a dropship, with at least a lance of Covie troops in its bay, being tasked with what seems like simple reconnaissance. Your use of two alternating perspectives is great experimentation with writing, but being a short, the cuts sort of lead to each person's viewpoint having to be established again, retreading things we already learned, so it probably works better in long-form works. Since Zaytseva arguably knew more about the situation, spotting Jusan first and anticipating why he was there, hers probably would've been the one to go with. The thing I'd really like to bring up, though, is the large paragraphs used. The alternating viewpoint sections aren't long, but even then, a reader tends to get lost when there aren't any breaks. New paragraphs allow a reader to stop and process a little as they move to the start of the next one, and little things like that really help with pacing action in particular.

Week 51: Foggy Notion

Prompt: For the penultimate week, we'll have a pretty open prompt. For all the training, experience, and weapons technology in the galaxy, the factor to save the Master Chief as often as not, it seems, has been nothing more than luck. So how does dumb luck come into play for your characters? Of course, there ought to be a difference between luck and plot convenience, so what makes up your character's luck? Does some merciful act they committed earlier influence someone to do them a favor, as if it's good karma? Did they always faithfully keep their tools in good shape, and have it finally pay off when something works at the right time? Try to come up with, or at least hint at, a reason for this good fortune. Somewhere under a thousand words--best of luck!

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What Are The Odds? by Orion-cjr--Winner Life Debt by DarthNicky

• What Are The Odds? by Orion-cjr
  • Heh, I understood that reference. As per myself always, cut "that"s wherever possible. I like the description in the first paragraph's last line, but I might cut "apart", since "shredded" covers it pretty well. Outside those two, though, it seems pretty well polished. For narrative observations though, while I like the visual of a Spartan slinging their weapon (since magnetic plates just kinda stick 'em to the player model in the games), this is a Spartan in potentially hostile territory, so I think Isabella would likely keep the weapon in hand and her back to the door, covering herself as special forces would. In like, however, that she gets bored--tense situation, and yet this teenager is so used to it, it's become run of the mill, and she gets bored in such a quick space of time as a data drive doing its thing. That I'd absolutely keep. My other complaint, though, is that we don't know beforehand, from this piece alone, that Katar's been carrying out the sabotage which saves Isabella, so the explanation comes somewhat out of nowhere. I could, however, easily see it being mentioned in the second paragraph, since so much backstory is provided.
• Life Debt by DarthNicky
  • I kinda don't connect with O'Neill's reason for being there, just going to the homeworld of the species who spearheaded mankind's annihilation for a generation. If it were a diplomatic mission and he were there under duress, I'd probably buy into it more, since you mention him visiting what few family members "he had left". There's a lot of good sound detail, though, and I actually recommend starting out with that, setting the scene and then going into how O'Neill got there. "that"s are also something to watch, as always. And I do end up liking the idea you went with for the prompt, that a bit of karma comes back to pay off for O'Neill. The last line in 'Mumai's dialogue, though, I might recommend seeing if you can make more Sangheili-ish. "honor compelled me to come to your aid", or something similar.

Week 52: Dedication/Time

Before we get to the prompt this week, I just want to dedicate a paragraph or so to saying thanks to everyone who ever wrote in an entry for the Weekly through the year, because it's been an amazing experience running the project. Just take a look up this list—there are more than a hundred entries here, and even while there are blank weeks in one or two spots, each one being around five hundred and a thousand words makes for a heck of a lot of content! That's a ton of prose writing added to the site, one little bit at a time! So this new year, when you're thinking about writing a big story, just look back at this and see how much you can make just writing a little bit each week. Thank you all for writing!

Prompt: We started this year with asking about a first time, and we'll close it out similarly: write somewhere in the ballpark of a thousand words on a last time for something with your characters. By the sound of it, this could be something bittersweet... it may be a last time your characters are conscious of during the event, or it could be a last time they'll only realize after it can never happen again. It could also be something good, an end to something your character's been repeating for far too long and are tired of. See where you go with it. Best of luck, That Damn Sniper.

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The End of it All by DarthNicky Broken Siege by Timothy Emeigh--Winner

• The End of it All by DarthNicky
  • Hey, not every week I see a prompt that's comfortable not needing to use every word in the limit. I appreciate the feeling of being lost you're going for, and I think it kinda matches the feelings we see in a lot of media about kids who go off to war straight out of high school, but the fact O'Neill's an officer undermines it a little for me. If this were an enlisted man, as O'Neill started out, I'd be totally sold on the idea, but he's been through officer school. He's had training in leadership and countless other areas, meaning his prospects post-military would be pretty good, although if he were staring at Earth and its uncertainty in rebuilding, I could probably see it more. That said, the time the piece is set in definitely brings me back to post-Halo 3's era, where the future of the Halo-verse wasn't set in stone. People had the species of the galaxy uniting in various forms and the inability to find Chief made him a romantically mysterious martyr. Then, however, we had Kilo-5's books set up that a post-25-year-war scene wouldn't really turn out nearly as optimistic, but has plenty of opportunity for more complex stories. And this is the moment where those two paths diverge, and O'Neill manages to find just a little peace in that moment.
• Broken Siege by Timothy Emeigh
  • There's some great opening detail there, starting off very natural. There are a number of endings included here, from what Sasha swears will be her last ground op to Sirona's final repelling of the Covenant to her own taking leave of the planet. Each one gets a decent amount of coverage, though I would've preferred to see two fleshed out more rather than all three. I'd have liked to know what Sirona came to mean to Sasha, what about it she was all too glad to be leaving behind. Perhaps more detail in support of it, like Sasha noticing the dirt all over and wanting the cleanliness of a fresh vac-sealed suit and order of her Pelican's cockpit. I do appreciate, though, that you avoided having Sasha and her unit take part in the fighting to be able to cover more ground with the story, and with the cooperation between her unit and the ODSTs, lent a feeling of wider military coordination to it. For that, I think it earns my final pick of the week.

Behind the Scenes

• Each of the first year's challenge titles are named after an online credits challenge from one of the Halo games.