|"Dear Sarge: kicking ass in outer space, wish you were here!"
This article, Survival of the Fittest/Season 6.5, is a work of humour, and is not in any way intended by the author to be taken seriously. If you feel that this article is not an appropriate use of the humour template, please be sure to find information regarding the use of the Humour Template by visiting this page before making such a claim.
Simon-G294 sat up, experiencing an odd feeling of deja vu. He was in what appeared to be a vast trophy room, standing on a large stone pedestal. Looking over the edge to find a way down, he noted that if he attempted to jump, the fall was so great that not even his MJOLNIR armor would be capable of saving him, and he would surely die on impact. Deciding he was trapped, he looked around to see who or what else was in the room.
He noticed a gathering of other beings on similar pedestals, most of whom seemed to be humans, augmented or otherwise, and Sangheili. All things he had dealt with before, and nothing that concerned him too much, though he did feel as though he had a reason to be concerned with the sheer number of them present in the room. As his eyes traced the room, however, he did notice something that gave him pause: a combat robot that seemed to be self-aware and stood about 2.6m tall. An electronic display at the top of its pedestal displayed the name "Strifalex Benvora." He tried not to make eye contact with the machine and kept scanning the room.
Suddenly he noticed a Flood Combat Form on the pedestal next to his! He reached for his rifle as it roared and lunged at him, but he couldn't find the rifle in its usual place. However, it didn't matter; a force field around the Flood form's pedestal bounced it back into the center with a metallic buzzing noise, keeping it away from Simon. The noise did gather the attention of just about everyone in the room, however, and voices began rising as various enemies began recognizing one another.
Suddenly a voice rang out over a kind of PA system. Simon had expected this to happen, but for whatever reason the voice didn't sound quite right; he felt as though it should've spoken with a British accent, while instead it spoke in an American accent that seemed to buzz with how flat it was.
"Greetings, one and all, and welcome to Halo Fanon's Survival of the Fittest Season 7!" the voice proclaimed enthusiastically. "We're doing something special this time around, in that we've brought back every character we can find from every one of the past seasons of Survival of the Fittest and are going to throw them into a large, free-for-all battle!"
However, nobody seemed to notice; in fact; the commotion grew louder as practically everyone clamored to make themselves heard over it.
"Ah crap," the voice mumbled, "I shouldn't have woken them up this quickly. I don't even have the feckin' map ready. Oh well, guess I'll improvise or some shit..."
"Diana, what's going on?" Simon attempted to contact his AI, but this only led to a loud ringing feedback in his COM as the signal was bounced around by the force field. He quickly dampened the signal, figuring Diana either wasn't present or that she wouldn't have been able to receive the message anyway. The voice carried on muttering to itself about mountain ranges in ignorance of the cacophony in the room.
Chaos reigned for about five minutes until the voice proclaimed "...aaaaaaaaand done! Now time to send everyone in." Suddenly it felt as though an earthquake had hit the trophy room as various beings, starting from the opposite side of the room as Simon was on, began disappearing in flashes of light. He braced himself, ready for anything.
"Ah crap, that's not right. Um, if you can hear me not all of you are going to make it, I didn't set up the spawn points correctly!" the voice shouted over the noise as more beings disappeared. Simon turned to see if there was another "wave" on the other side and spotted an empty pedestal that appeared to be labeled "Gilgamesh."
Whatever "Gilgamesh" is, I hope it doesn't make it, Simon thought to himself.
Suddenly he felt a sharp burning sensation across his whole body. He wanted to scream, but found himself reflexively clenching his teeth against the pain and was therefore unable to. The pain stopped as soon as it started, though, and he found himself fifteen feet in the air above a small, rounded valley. He quickly braced, landed, and rolled to absorb the impact, getting up and going over his surroundings.
He noticed the "Strifalex Benvora" robot, though it appeared to be partially submerged into a mountain and was contorted into an agonized pose. It was quite clearly dead, or whatever passed as dead for a giant robot; having its molecules occupy the same space as those of a mountain obviously did not agree with it. He resolved to ignore it, find a weapon, and find a way out of whatever mess he'd found himself involved in.
Introduction Body Count
- Ash Mitchell
- Felo 'Ranak
- Winston Zhou
- Carlos Driscol
- Sev 'Ikavowattinrzo
- Edmond Dahm
- Tuka 'Refum
- Zoey Hunsinger
- Tal 'Zerex
- Roy Koel
- Brandon Smith
- Dekd Nok
- Teno Salz Kreral
- Jonathan Watts
- Jonathan Ulan
- Elijah Cavorel
- Aleksander Makosky
- Richard Jones
- Jin Cheung
- Leonardo Simmons
- Andromeda 'Vadum
- David King
- Mitchel Sanders
- Fero 'Guraza
- Ryuko Kawada
- David Kahn
- Arthur Onegin
- Pula 'Refum
- Reginald Harding
- Blake Harding
- Kasr 'Revsar
- Illan 'Inerevar
- Ethan Sterling
- Walter Schwarzkopf
- Tano 'Taromee
- Wallace Risenhoover
- Pieter Vos
- Richard Mack Sr.
- Ellison Suarez
- Jamal Davies
- Edward Bander
- Ragan 'Tagrah
- Zhalk 'Zaharmee
- Nusra 'Nagon
- Leonard Schaeffer
- Karl Peiper
- Robert Mackenzie
- Wilson Blater
- Arnie "Hooch" Matterson
- Taszar 'Vadam
- Alexey Surkov
- Bella Caseiro
- Mark Jolets
- Gary Froman
- Rao Julio Estevan
- Miller Raymond
- Renny Harrison
- Gordon King
- Clifford Strider
- Jerrold Pershing
- Bryce Day
- Jasper Waller
- Rimon 'Achachakee
- Howard Graves
- Adrian Gravett
- Zeb Gehk
- Allison (Tex)
- Autel 'Vadam
- Vena 'Vadam
- Levi Groves
- Matthias Gavilan
- Elias Olson
- Stel 'Vadam
- Clyde Dawson
- Duncan Foreman
- Jess Morley
- Michael Robson
- Amelia Dawson
- Kathrin Grunwald
- Strifalex Benvora
- Vevictus Syrico
- Demolyn Syrico
- Qur'a 'Morhek
- Antulas Argenta
- Erin Coney
- Richard Mack Jr.
- Kyle Olsen
- Benjamin Janson
- Nico 'Killamee
- Gutak 'Cyandenee
- Aiden Bradley
- Lee Deacon
- Unnamed Jackal
- Dennor Bormer
- Ariana Grendal
- Jetro 'Refumee
- Ashton Graves
- Renda 'Semam
- Jrae 'Sekatics
- Oregon Hawkins
- Jack Taylor
- Christopher J. Williamson
- Dyr 'Jar Refos
- Iota Seven
- Iota Thirteen
- Edwin Davis
- James Davis
- James Edwin Davis
- Calanis Baladot
- Draekus Damon
- SPARTAN Anomoly "X"
- Ssfa 'Jcoree
- Wyrda 'Vadum
- Jeremy Patterson
- Aaron Davids
- Angon Elzda
- Crassus Liberi
- Rasputin Volveneuk
- Eaite 'Oodatee
- Stye 'Ahsudee
- Icsa 'Fniasee
- 16807 Rampant Gear
- Allison (Eaite'Oodat)
- Iso 'Vadun
- Doak 'Onoree
- Ftch 'Ynoiee
- Phynn Garland
- Agent 2994
- Nathan Vatz
- Ikor 'Arcuum
- Jacob Stavros
- Marc Rakken
- William Gorman
- Irv Cogdill
- Rysp' Arculee
- Mary Lynn
- Beth Hedges
- Jon Harper
- Test Subject XIV
- Vee London
- Anh Ng
- Kaneda Tetsuo
- Nema 'Uhcoree
- Eyha 'Volutee
- Eama 'Uhcuree
- Ldfo 'Jaolee
- 047 Kamikaze Crusader
- Prophet of Courtesy
- Dean Jackson
- Bergenond Amrothee
- Rthao 'Haerum
- Jueqe' Lyphtyree
- Oda 'Tar Vantinree
- Jose Gonzalez
- Shn'co Sthr
- Kain Furrey
- Melissa Harverd
- Michael Higgins
- Katherine Lorence
- Martin Cole
- Laura Helm
- George Quan
- Rhino Leader
- Jones Kodwell
- Milisia Roder
- Caleb Harrison
- Amy Black
- 024 Archaic Chivalry
- Andrew Peters
- Brandon Rebuga
- Bryan Haenkel
- Stephen Chow
- Stephen Geauer
- Leon Polski
- Gary Saunders
Attilus found himself in the middle of a grassy field populated intermittently with human inventions he didn't recognize, though they appeared to be mostly harmless so long as they were standing still. He heard something croaking as though it was badly dehydrated, and found a creature that appeared to be a Sangheili fused with a San'Shyuum gasping for air. He resolved to put the creature out of its misery and lazily swung his Gravity Hammer underhand at its head. The hammer boomed and the creature's head went flying across the field, the final croak being cut off in the process. Feeling unsatisfied, he continued walking across the field.
Decimatus was in the same field, and he roared in shock when the creature's head suddenly landed at his feet. Two other Jiralhanae roared in response to Decimatus, and he growled in disgust with himself for giving away his position so easily. He resolved to kill whoever it was that had sent the head flying at him, and charged in the direction he assumed it had come from. To his dismay, he soon arrived in a grassy clearing alongside three other Jiralhanae, one of whom looked far more at ease than the others.
Caeus looked around at the three other Jiralhanae in the clearing, and quickly noticed they were all larger and stronger than he was, also assuming that he was outranked because they had all showed up wielding Gravity Hammers while, if it came to a fight, he would have to make do with just his death lobber. Deciding it would be unwise to start the inevitable fight, he listened to the other Jiralhanae arguing instead.
"I am War Chieftain Decimatus and I seek the scum who dropped a severed head at my feet!" the first roared.
"A War Chieftain? Hah! Then you should have known better than to give your position away in unknown terrain! I, Heraktus, Fist of the Prophets and Paragon of the Gods, shall not follow you anywhere!" the second bellowed in response.
"YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?!" Decimatus demanded, brandishing his hammer at Heraktus.
The third Chieftain said nothing, only smirking at the others' aggression.
Decimatus and Heraktus swung their hammers at exactly the same time. Decimatus was faster, but his swing went wide, and the resulting shockwave blew Heraktus' legs away from his body. Heraktus, meanwhile, hit Decimatus straight on the head, killing him instantly, but Caeus had the feeling that Decimatus fared better as a result since Heraktus was now missing most of the lower half of his body. Heraktus noticed it too, and roared in anguish and agony, his arms shaking so badly that he could no longer wield his Gravity Hammer.
The third Chieftain stepped forwards. "My name is Attilus, and I shall be leading us on our quest to survive this place. Any objections?"
Heraktus' face contorted into an expression that suggested pure, blind rage. Attilus looked bored, and again swung his Gravity Hammer underhand, striking Heraktus on the chin and sending his head flying across the plain. He then turned to Caeus. "What might your name be?"
"Caeus," the smaller Jiralhanae replied almost nervously.
"Caeus," repeated Attilus. "Well, you certainly seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Come with me." And with that, Attilus turned his back to Caeus and walked away. Caeus followed him, taking the obvious hint.
1-1 Body Count
- Ameigh Broley
This was the only thing on the creature's mind.
It thought some food had appeared in front of it earlier, but it turned out to be a hologram, and it had smashed the device into a nearby wall in disgust.
Suddenly it sensed more food. The food item looked kind of heavy, but at the same time its weight seemed to be mostly made of muscle - perfect, it would've thought if it had the ability to think.
The man barely had time to scream before his mind was consumed and he was turned into another hulking creature with a similar mindset.
They barely appeared to acknowledge each other, but they innately moved as one, almost as though they were two bodies with one mind.
Next on the list of prey was a green-armored biped. This one would be a far more difficult fight, and the creature's new ally charged towards it while the creature would sneak around to try to incapacitate it. The strategy was a success and the green-armored biped went down and was turned, though not before causing damage to the creature's ally and uttering the phrase "it's like Zombie fuckin' Jesus up in here!"
Thus identified, Zombie Jesus led its cohorts on the hunt for more prey.
1-2 Body Count
All in all, Kodiak-G114 felt pretty lucky. He had encountered two people on his journey in this bizarre land so far, but almost unbelievably he knew both of them - better than that, they were some of his Team Machete squadmates: Amber-G330 and Dyne-G217. Now all he had to do was find and regroup with other members of the UNSC to try to figure out an escape plan; not a tall order, considering that he saw several members of the UNSC in the strange "trophy room" he was in only a few hours beforehand.
Suddenly, an IFF tag flashed red onto the Gammas' HUDs - an ally had just died in the immediate area. The tag read "S-007." In unison, the three of them raised their weapons - an MA5B assault rifle for Kodiak (with a knife pressed alongside the rifle's foregrip in his left hand), an M7057 flamethrower for Amber, and a pair of M7 submachine guns for Dyne.
The sound of two pairs of running footsteps only focused the attention of Team Machete, and they stood in a weapons-out triangular formation, rotating such that Amber and her flamethrower were pointing in the direction that whatever was making the footsteps would emerge from.
Three seconds... two seconds... Amber thought to herself.
Two figures burst into Amber's line of sight. She breathed in, preparing to shout out an order...
"Stand down! Friendlies!"
As soon as the figures entered Amber's field of view, IFF tags flashed to life on her HUD: those of Evie-D2541 and Jess-G128. Jess was an old friend from Gamma, but Evie was a completely unfamiliar face to her - in fact, Amber never knew there was a Delta Company in the first place. Evie's revelation that she and the other Deltas graduated in 2567 was a further surprise.
"So if you're from the future as we perceive it, that means we're dealing with something that has the terrifying ability to pull things back and forth across time," Kodiak reasoned. "This means it's imperative that we get out of here so we can warn the UNSC about this threat!"
"I would agree, but would that even be possible against a threat like this?" countered Dyne. "Maybe they could just pull us back as soon as we tried to leave."
The discussion would've continued further but for the roar of an attacking Flood Combat Form filling the Spartans' ears. The creature that had once been SPARTAN-007 had ambushed the group, striking Dyne from behind and leaving a large, bloody gash in the back of his armor - Kodiak couldn't tell whether it was Dyne's blood or the combat form's. Dyne's IFF tag, however, had winked red on the other Spartans' heads-up displays.
They had no time to mourn. All Evie, Jess, and Kodiak could do was fire at the combat form to keep it pinned down while retreating away from it, while Amber burned the ground between it and them to prevent it from pursuing them.
Zombie Jesus called off its enforcer - even with its advanced armor, the fire would have meant death, and it knew it. It could feel itself getting smarter with each victim it claimed, and it was patient enough to know that not only was charging into the flames a bad idea, but that the food items would cluster together if left alone for now, and then the feast could truly begin.
1-3 Body Count
Kambei 'Nerevar's thoughts turned, as they had several times since their somewhat uneasy alliance had formed, to the other Sangheili he had partnered with. Josh 'Konar, though young, was someone he believed he could trust, as he saw a Sangheili dedicated to the betterment of himself and others, and he could respect that. The old warrior Lhor 'Konar was also respectable to him; naturally, as he was Kambei's elder. He did, however, feel uneasy about Ryas 'Vadam. Kambei believed the young son of Thel 'Vadam was merely coasting on his father's name, doing nothing of any significance to make a name for himself. He was just about to voice his displeasure with this behavior when a Brute burst into the forest clearing.
"Attilus! I have found some Sangheili!" the Brute barked, a grenade launcher leveled at Kambei and his allies. None of them so much as flinched - including Ryas, much to Kambei's surprise. Lhor, meanwhile, decided that he wouldn't have any of it, and decided to quickly attack and kill the young-looking Brute. He pulled out his Burnspear and lunged, connecting with the middle of its chest. The Brute roared in agony, firing a grenade directly into Lhor's chest. The Elite screamed and collapsed backwards, the life draining from his body.
"Huna... I'm sorry..." Lhor whispered as he died on the ground. Angered at the loss of the old warrior, Kambei pulled out his Storm Rifle and fired a coup de grace into the Jiralhanae's head, burning its brain out from the inside. Unfortunately, he did this as soon as Attilus entered the clearing, gaining the full attention of the dangerous Chieftain. Kambei believed he would be capable of handling Attilus on his own, but then faintly smelled a stench of death that his fellow Crusaders had told him he would know immediately - the Flood were here; far away for now, but getting closer.
"Josh, Ryas, leave this place. I'll handle this mongrel," Kambei commanded.
"I won't let you fight him alone," Ryas replied without hesitation.
Kambei resisted the urge to smile, and turned back to Ryas. "I insist. A greater enemy approaches us as we speak. Survave, and make your father proud." The determined look in Kambei's eyes made Ryas decide to leave with Josh, and Kambei finally allowed himself to smile as he turned back to face Attilus.
"You think you can face me, split-lip?" Attilus taunted, bringing his Gravity Hammer to bear.
"Using the humans' insults for us because you can't think up any of your own?" Kambei retorted defiantly as he quickly drew his custom-made Energy Sword. He didn't wait for a reply, lunging in with the sword almost immediately.
Attilus didn't have time to counter it with his hammer, though he was able to dodge such that the blade only glanced off the armor. He sidestepped again, swinging the hammer and creating a shockwave, but Kambei was clever enough to use the shockwave to push himself in a direction to counterattack from behind. Unfortunately for Kambei, Attilus expected this, and backhanded his hammer directly into Kambei's chest.
"You lose," Attilus growled at Kambei as he died on the ground. He noticed the Sangheili was drawing a ragged breath to reply...
"That's my line."
Attilus smelled it almost too late.
Zombie Jesus burst out of the forest alongside its fellow Combat Forms. Attilus was filled with a primal, terrifying fear, and blindly retreated away from the battlefield.
Disappointed at the loss of Attilus, Zombie Jesus resolved its feelings by personally adding Kambei to its collective, as the former Dyne did the same to what was left of Lhor 'Konar. There wasn't enough material to make a fully-fledged combat form, but Zombie Jesus resolved to make do the best it could with what was available to it.
1-4 Body Count
- Lhor 'Konar
- Kambei 'Nerevar
Gordon King was growing tired of the noise. Just his luck that the four Spartans that had practically appointed themselves as his bodyguards - Bailey-132, Colin-142, Leon Sikowsky, and Corin Davis - all seemed to know each other, and were all bantering with each other like old friends. King was so annoyed that he could barely listen to it, and resolved to defend himself to the best of his ability with his standard-issue M6.
Three more figures entered the cave King and his group were using as their hideout, but King recognized them. They were Master Gunnery Sergeant Hank J Wimbleton IV, Sergeant Matthias Adegoke, and Sergeant Major Pete Stacker. They reported that there was nothing noteworthy or dangerous outside at the immediate time, but nothing that looked like a source of food or water, which was an especially noteworthy concern since they'd dropped in without supplies.
Suddenly Colin brought up a hand and the conversation immediately halted.
"What's going on?" demanded King.
"Three IFF tags coming in fast... no, make that four! Friendly!" Colin called out in reply.
Everyone except King drew their guns.
"Why are we going to shoot them if they're friendly?!" exclaimed King.
"We're not going to shoot them, we're going to shoot whatever's chasing them," retorted Bailey. "You're smart, you should've figured that out."
King grumbled but said nothing more.
Four Spartans suddenly burst into the clearing, appearing to be quickly running away from something. Their IFF tags were Evie-D2541, Jess-G128, Amber-G330, and Kodiak-G114. In pursuit of them were a small handful of Flood Combat Forms.
Why would four Spartans run away from such a small amount of combat forms? Bailey wondered to himself.
One of the combat forms pulled out a Storm Rifle and fired a burst of plasma fire along Evie's back, enough to overload her shields. Another shot pierced the back of her leg behind her knee, and she gasped in shock as it gave way underneath her. Of the Spartans running alongside her, only Jess-G128 turned to help her fallen comrade...
Suddenly, a large, Elite-based combat form leapt out of the grass and tackled Jess to the ground, slamming an armor-plated armlike appendage into her visor. Her IFF tag winked red on the other Spartans' HUDs, much to their alarm. Adegoke ran out to assist the fallen Spartans, but for his troubles he was brought down by yet another combat form hidden in the grass.
Zombie Jesus was feeling pleased with its work so far. Its pincer maneuver had gone off without a hitch, and it directed its forces to encircle the Spartans that had yet to make it into the cave. Once it had turned all of them, it would then capture the cave with overwhelming force and use it as a base of operations to plan its next move.
Evie knew her time had come, but she had one more trick up her sleeve. She opened a private COM link to Kodiak and Amber. "Get out of here," she whispered over the COM. Not wasting any time, Amber fired off a blast from her flamethrower at the thinnest part of the encirclement, and as the Flood withdrew from the space Amber and Kodiak ran through it to safety, directing the remaining UNSC forces away from the cave as well.
Relieved that she had at least saved her friends from the fate she was going to inflict upon herself and her enemies, she turned back to face the Flood as she pulled out a small device.
Annoyed and enraged that most of its targets had escaped, Zombie Jesus resolved to swarm the one remaining Spartan within its reach with all the forces available to it. They all charged in as quickly as possible, and Zombie Jesus pulled its hands forward to personally turn the fallen Spartan...
Evie smiled under her helmet as she grasped the detonator for her C-12 charge and pushed the plunger in.
The explosion overloaded her armor's reactor, taking the Flood army with her as she died.
Zombie Jesus' last thought was of unspeakable rage.
1-5 Body Count
- Matthias Adegoke
- Zombie Jesus
Yen 'Vadum was desperately lost. Not only did she have no idea where she was or what was going on, but there was a small voice in the back of her head that was telling her she didn't belong here. And she felt as though it was true in a literal sense - if the weaponry and armor used by the handful of Sangheili she saw in the pillar-filled hall earlier was any indication, she was about 200 years in the past.
She wasn't scared, of course - as the Empress of the Sangheili Republic, she could never afford to be under any circumstances, and this was no exception. She had already planned out a course of action: find some Sangheili with whom she could ally, and find a way to return to her time, whether by reversing whatever process had brought her here, or placing herself in stasis for 200 years.
The sight of a Sangheili warrior in an old combat harness focused her attention back to the present. "Hail, noble warrior!" she called out. As he turned to face her, her mind raced to try to remember what the combat harness he was wearing meant, finally deciding on "General."
General Bero 'Wattinree stared at the other Sangheili. He could tell she was female, but the combat harness she was wearing was entirely foreign to him, as was the fact that, as a female, she was wearing one at all. To him, this only meant one thing.
Yen didn't have another second to wonder what "Heretic" meant; the General had pulled out an old concussion rifle and started firing at her. The force of the blast pushed her around a bit, but fortunately for her energy shield technology had come a long way since the end of the war with the humans, so she was unhurt. She pulled out her own Plasma Rifle Mk. II and quickly tore through the General's shields and armor, killing him instantly.
Unfortunately for her, this drew the attention of another foe, who was able to sneak up behind her and grab her dominant arm. "I'll take that," the Brute said as he firmly pulled the weapon out of her hand.
Disarmed, Yen pulled her arm free and drew her 'Jcoree Blades. "Who are you and what do you think you're doing?!" she demanded.
"My name is Attilus," the Brute replied, "and I'm here to crush all those in my path so I can make it home."
Yen was stunned. "Wh- Why? What does killing everyone have to do with going home?"
"It's called 'Survival of the Fittest,' is it not?" replied Attilus. And with that, he fired a long burst at Yen's head. The powerful plasma burned through her shields within seconds, and began disintegrating her body not long after, leaving nothing but dust behind.
"Thank you. I like this weapon," mused Attilus as he walked away.
2-1 Body Count
- Bero 'Wattinree
- Yen 'Vadum
Something was wrong.
Amber-G330's Geiger counter had spiked massively - several times more so than what would be normal from the destruction of the reactor of a suit of MJOLNIR armor. Just as suddenly, her HUD disappeared - including her Geiger counter - and her suit became far more difficult to move.
The EMP! she suddenly realized. "Kodiak, is your suit down?"
"It is!" replied Kodiak-G114. "But I think we got off easier than the others."
Amber turned to look at the unaugmented troops and Gordon King, who were experiencing the symptoms of severe radiation poisoning. Some of them were even going as far as taking preparations to shoot each other to avoid dealing with the long, drawn-out process of dying of radiation poisoning.
"Even powered down, our armor should at least protect us from the worst of the radiation," Kodiak continued.
Presently Amber felt a warmth around the middle of her back. "Hey, Kodiak, does your suit feel warm, kind of around the reactor area?" she asked.
"You know, come to think of it does," replied Kodiak.
Too late, Amber realized what was happening: the EMP had taken the suit's reactor controls offline, and the reactors were going critical. Amber realized despairingly that Evie's sacrifice to save her allies from the Flood had inevitably doomed everyone within about 200 kilometers to a painful death of radiation poisoning - if her quick calculation of the radiation dispersion based on the initial dose her Geiger counter read was accurate. Tears welled up in her eyes.
"Goodbye, Kodiak," she said sorrowfully.
"Goodbye, Amber," replied Kodiak, failing to keep the sadness out of his own voice.
Sona 'Demal was confused.
Why would there be a statue of Shinsu 'Refum here, and only of him? he wondered.
He clicked his lower mandibles - the Sangheili equivalent to a human shrug - and turned his back on it to go somewhere else.
Out of nowhere,began to play. Sona paused, confused.
It would be his demise.
Shinsu 'Refum flexed his muscles, bursting out of the statue into which he had encased himself.
A piece of stone flew into the back of Sona's head, severing the spine and killing him instantly.
Shinsu drew his sword and struck a pose, holding the ignited Energy Sword in front of his face like a mask. "I was waiting here for someone to show up so I could engage in a surprise attack!" he proclaimed.
Noticing that Sona was already dead, Shinsu simply held the pose until the song finished playing.
Then he started vomiting.
He wasn't sure why, but he tasted something metallic in the air.
He collapsed onto the ground, never to get up again.
Philip Kovals was absentmindedly rotating a pencil in his hand as a small bee walked around it. He recognized this bee; it was a Gilgameshan honey bee, known to him from conversations he had had with some contacts on Gilgamesh. He knew it was harmless, and besides, it was fun to watch.
Suddenly, his Geiger counter began sounding a loud alarm, causing him to drop his pencil. The startled bee flew away, high into the air. Kovals pulled out his Geiger counter, but its was completely blank.
This isn't good, he thought to himself. "Attilus! We've got an issue!"
No response from the Brute he'd been forced to ally with. He got up to go outside their makeshift command tent and found the Brute lying on the ground in a puddle of its own vomit.
"Serves you ri - " he began, but he himself was cut off by the sudden stream of vomit erupting out of his mouth, and he too crumpled onto the ground.
Hopefully I saved that bee, he thought as he lay there. Funny, that; I'm dying of radiation poisoning but I'm concerned about the welfare of a small insect.
The last conscious noise that escaped him was a soft chuckle.
The Gilgameshan honey bee flew high in the sky, searching for its colony.
If it had the ability to recognize what was going on out of place in its surroundings, it would notice that everyone on the ground was dying of severe radiation poisoning, if it hadn't already killed them.
If it had a functioning Geiger counter and an ability to understand it, it would notice that most open places had received enough radiation to provide an accumulated dose of about 39.
It, however, had neither of those things.
And it would have to land eventually.
However, it had managed to outlive everyone else simply by doing what came naturally to it.
"...and thus, the Gilgameshan Honey Bee is the winner of Season 7 of Survival of the Fittest!"
Echo looked over the final printout from the old, dusty computer.
"In hindsight, doing stuff like turning the rate of Flood infection up by two and setting radiation spread up by four was probably a mistake. As well as not preparing the map before actually starting the game. Oh well, Brodie will be happy to learn that this thing still runs, for whenever he chooses to run the next season."
With that, Echo powered down the computer and packed it away into a flat rate shipping box to send back to England, where Brodie was waiting for it, dropping it off at his local post office. Upon returning home, he messaged Brodie.
> 15:25:32 Echowaffle8: "I've sent the computer back your way."
> 15:25:46 Brodie-001: "You're done already?"
> 15:26:12 Brodie-001: "I should've mentioned that someone else was planning on running the next season of Survival of the Fittest so you should've sent it to them."
> 15:26:43 Echowaffle8: "...oh."
> 15:27:01 Brodie-001: "What shipping option did you pick?"
> 15:27:09 Echowaffle8: "...the cheapest."
> 15:27:21 Brodie-001: "..."
> 15:27:24 Brodie-001: "goddamnit Echo"
Survival of the Fittest Season 8 is coming soontm!