User:IndyRevolution/ RWBY Abridged Abridged


 * Opening

Narrator: Monty Oum presents, Monty Oum's RWBY. I don't like Monty Oum. Have I mentioned that I don't like Monty Oum? I really don't like Monty Oum.

Roman: Hello, I'm the bad guy. I'm going to rob you now. *laughs* I'm saying what's happening on screen. Isn't this funny?

Owner: No... it really isn't.


 * beat

Roman: Take his shit.

Thug: Is that Wu Tang Klan? *Walks up to Ruby*

Thug: What song is tha-

Ruby: HI! I REALLY LIKE WU TANG KLAN!


 * beat*

Thug: Okay, why-

Ruby: I really like Wu Tang Clan.

Thug: Okay, is there any point to to this scene, because-

Ruby: I like the Wu Tang Clan!


 * beat

Thug: Only faggots listen to Wu Tang Clan!


 * beat

Thug: Get it? It's funny because I said faggots!


 * beat

Thug: Faggo-

Ruby: Australian Meme Reference! *knocks Thug into a wall


 * 19 second clip of Wu Tang Clan overlayed onto the footage

Roman: Well, we just wasted 19 seconds of this playing a song that Alpha Jaune likes instead of telling a joke. Hopefully that'll never happen again.


 * beat


 * laugh track plays

Roman: Well? Go fuck her arse up.


 * Thugs charge towards Ruby

Roman: Get it!? It's funny because I said fuck!


 * while footage of Ruby beating up the thugs while Yakety Sax plays*

Ruby: IammovingaroundreallyfastandthereforeYeaketySaxisplayingandthisisfunny!


 * beat

Roman:*while climbing up the ladder* Maybe if end this scene, it'll be funny in the next one!

Ruby: Hey faggot, where are you going? Get it, it's funny because I said faggot!

Roman: But would a faggot have his very own plane?

Ruby: Was... was that supposed to be a joke?

Roman: *internally* Maybe if we curse enough and do all our sound effects with our mouths, it'll be funny!

Roman: Eat shit, bitch!


 * fight scene plays with over the top mouth effects accompanying it.


 * cut to Ruby questioning scene

Glynda: So tell me, why were those men assaulting you?

Ruby: They called the Wu Tang Clan faggots!

Glynda: WHAT?! HOW DARE YOU USE SUCH A WORD IN THE SAME SENTENCE AS OUR GODS AND SAVIORS, THE WU TANG CLAN?!

Ruby: But-

Glynda: DIE, HERETIC! *smack*

Ozpin: Hello, I'm Agent Washington.


 * beat

Ozpin: Get it, because I'm voiced by Shannon McCormick, who voices Agent Washington in Red vs Blue! Get it? Get it!? GET IT!?

Ruby: Yes, I get it!

Ozpin: Okay good. Now, where'd you learn to do that shit on the Ipad?

Ruby: Your mom.

Ozpin: That... doesn't really work in this situation, Ruby.

Ruby: Yeah, but it's the closest thing we've told to a joke this whole episode.

Ozpin: ... Fair enough. Now, I'm going introduce a crucial part of this series.

Ruby: What's that?

Ozpin: Bitching about animation errors!

Ruby: Oh, goddamnit.


 * Ozpin begins yammering inaudibly

Ruby: Oh, come on, aren't we at least going to make a joke about the cookie scene? That was the most glaring mistake of the whole series!

Ozpin: Nope.


 * 15 seconds of them staring awkwardly at each other

Ruby: The fuck was the point of that?

Ozpin: Join my school.

Ruby: If it'll get me out of this scene, sure.


 * cut to aircraft scene*

Yang: Like, OMG! I'm blond with big boobs, so that means I have a Valley Girl accent!

Ruby: And yet your voice is even more lifeless than an actual Vallry Girl's.

Yang: Totally! Now we can have lespian sex!


 * beat

Ruby: I'm 15 and your my older sister, why would we-

Yang: BECAUSE SEX! Hey look, the only black people we'll ever see.

Lisa: Yes, thank you John, now ex-cuse me- while I awkw-wardly stumble th-through my lines.

Glynda: What's up, niggers, welcome to Beacon Academy, we-


 * mic scratches and crashing are heard

Alpha Jaune: Whoah, whoah, what the fuck, dude?

Friend: Give me the mic!

Alpha Jaune: Why?

Friend: You've said faggot four times and just said niggers in front of a group of people you established as black 30 seconds ago!

Alpha Jaune: So?

Friend: So if this series gets big, you're screwed!

Alpha Jaune: Yeah, but this series will never get big.

Friend: That's... a very good point, actually. Okay, carry on.

Glynda: So, umm, yeah, plane instructions, don't puke, yada yada yada, away we go!


 * beat

Ruby: I didn't think it was possible, but this is somehow worse than the actual RWBY.