User talk:Leo Fox/Halo: The Dawn

Timeframe
For this fan-fic, are you going to follow the timeframe of Halo:Origins where Cortana is now seven years old, or has it been longer? (Oh, and the dialogue is Z-XCELLENT! Couldn't have written it better myself!)Tuckerscreator 18:23, February 20, 2010 (UTC)


 * No, I'm not going to follow what Halo: Legends said in Origins I and II. But Cortana is rampant, and a reader will notice a subtle change come over Cortana as time goes by. And thanks for the feedback! =D

No problem. also, on your most recent addition, if the Dawn is really so close to the Ark, should the Halo's "death pulse" have hit it and killed the Chief?Tuckerscreator 02:48, February 22, 2010 (UTC)


 * Hmm. Oddly, I didn't consider that in my post. I'll change it around to amend the problem.

Good to know. I was also wondering, did Cortana fix the Dawn's life support and air locks too? Because the Mjinolir on its own has only 90 minutes of air.Tuckerscreator 05:51, February 23, 2010 (UTC)


 * Yet another minor oversight. Damn, gotta hate them. Thanks.

Dude this is boss! --Tyrone111

THIS IS AWESOME!!! I hope this actually happens in canon. this was really good!Justin Kane 21:59, March 17, 2010 (UTC)Justin Kane



Incredible...
This story is brilliant, especially the last bit with Hood and the Arbiter pondering the future! But, tell me just one thing; did you just kill the Chief?--The All-knowing Sith&#39;ari 17:49, April 29, 2010 (UTC)

Unsc frigate design faults
The MAC cannon is located on the bow of the Frigate.Echo 1125 11:20, May 30, 2010 (UTC)


 * I am aware of that, and its stated in the story.

Wait... what?
Great story!

But I certainly hope you didnt kill the chief >:{

(glares)

Anyway keep up the good work :) -Ares117 00:49, August 5, 2010 (UTC)

Okay thanks for- Wait what was that last part?!

Maslab, quiet. Ares, calm down. All will be explained in time. When I finally decide how I am going to proceed.


 * Quiet you. Its late. =P

You kind of put mildly when you spoke of the state of the military.

15000 out of 100000 is generally considered absolutely devastating


 * Understatements and stating thing mildly are always cool.

You sir, make an excellent point XD

Anyway please continue.

The excitement is killing me!

Regards -Ares117 05:05, September 29, 2010 (UTC)

Quick review
While the plot is nice, your "dis-jointed plot", which I know is what you're planning, is lacking; it really isn't needed, we jump from 2552, to 2556 in seconds, and all this within one Chapter...Seems a little rushed, I'd suggest expanding it. As for your characterization of the Chief, I agree with Sona, it's too similar to Dietz, I can't picture the chief saying all that, or swearing. I found the: "Can't I get a break?" line out of place, and funny due to it being something Chief would never say. As for the prose, it's OK. Your syntax gets a little lazy and such, and you use the present and future tenses of some works instead of the past tense. But all in all, it's an OK read.  Joshua  (Talk)  (Contribs) 21:13, January 3, 2011 (UTC)


 * Apologies for my presumptions. I've been watching Pulp Fiction and Reservoir Dogs a lot lately...So any time jump screams "DISJOINTED PLOT" in my head. XD  Joshua  (Talk)  (Contribs) 13:17, January 4, 2011 (UTC)