Halo: Ruined FOREVER

"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."

- Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

Fans realize something does not, that robust, while seemingly healthy, are in actuality as fragile as two bricks tied together with tissue paper. One mistake, one bad misstep will cause the entire thing to shatter and fall apart; and Halo would be ruined forever.

Fortunately, there is hope. The Halo fanbase has resolved to remain ever vigilant against something that could Ruin Halo Forever, and call out warning if they see something that could potentially do so.

Some Halo conservationists suggest a more extreme approach, that Halo should and instead. Though attractive, this approach may prove.

Ruined Forever remains a serious threat to Halo now and in the foreseeable future, though it's possible a proposed initiative requiring all Halo fans to purchase an annual "online offset" could ensure our fragile brand's existence through the mid-21st century.

Things that have Ruined Halo Forever in the past
"It's hard to help but think Bungie keeps doing what people ask and getting yelled at for it. People wanted a deeper story so they gave that in Halo 2 and people didn't like it. People wanted a powerful pistol and an MC-centric campaign, they did that in Halo 3 and people didn't like it (albeit the Halo 3 pistol is just a bad idea in general). People (not as many as for some of the other changes) wanted a toned-down or more personal Halo experience and a new character to play as and they were given that in ODST (and Reach although less so) and they didn't like it. People wanted a powerful pistol again, more atmosphere, and more challenge, and were given that in Reach, and still weren't satisfied. What was that quote from a vidoc around a year ago about spinning plates? I totally agree."

- General Vagueness, HBO Forums

1999

 * ignores the thundering cries of its fanbase for a fourth sequel, deciding to make  instead.

2000

 * The Halo: Combat Evolved E3 trailer is released to much anticipation, ruining the game forever before it even came out
 * Third-person shooter? Get out. Just...just leave.
 * Wooden-stock MA5Bs? What is this, 1945?
 * Thorn beasts? How dare you show a species that will appear in a non-Bungie game! It's a conspiracy!
 * Gauss Warthogs? Unacceptable! I banish thee until the stars align, the time is right, and Great Cthulhu rises from his dead slumber Halo 2 is released!
 * Marines that can drive human vehicles? Damnit man, that makes no sense! They shall drive Ghosts, and nothing else!
 * Stacker dies? But he has to survive but never be mentioned even once by name in the games!
 * Robot Master Chief? BOOOOOOOOOOOO!
 * Bungie forges a Faustian pact with Microsoft the Devil, becoming a part of Microsoft Game Studios. In addition to claiming their souls, the agreement denies a generation of Mac users the greatest game of all time for their superior hardware. Ah, what might have been...

2001

 * Halo: The Fall of Reach is released, shedding much light on the Chief's past and opening up the Halo universe to an extent which it will never be seen in the games.
 * Recruiting children? But they're not Jedi!
 * Rebels? As in human enemies? Impossible!
 * The Spartans all died? Totally did not see that coming!
 * Halo: Combat Evolved is released, earning critical acclaim, forever ruining the Halo franchise.
 * No online player? Ruined forever, even if practically no other games had pioneered it yet.
 * Absolutely linear levels?
 * The is an overpowered godkiller, ruining the experience of countless people playing a game in their parents’ basement forever.
 * Why can't the Marines drive the vehicles? I'm sick of never getting shotgun!
 * Is...is Cortana naked? I legitimately cannot tell!
 * Oh for heaven's sake girl, go and put something warm on.
 * The AI is innovative and intelligent, preemptively ruining Halo forever when sequels fail to live up to it.

2002

 * The Halo: Combat Evolved soundtrack is released.
 * Epic music available for people to listen to on CDs? What are you thinking?
 * Xbox Live is released.
 * Of course it's released 1 year after the most AWESOME game of the 21st century is put out. Don't even lie, Microsoft. You were trolling the hell out of us.
 * Halo 2 announcement trailer? As in a Halo sequel? DO NOT WANT!

2003

 *  is rushed into production, William C. Deitz’s fantastic portrayal of the Marine struggle and shedding light onto the Covenant proving insufficient for his portrayal of the Chief as a gung-ho space marine not to ruin the franchise forever.
 * Halo: First Strike is released, explaining how the Chief and his team are to get back to Earth after the destruction of Alpha Halo.
 * Johnson? But he was hugging !
 * That's the Arbiter the Chief fought, right? Don't even lie!
 * So some of the Spartans survived? No, the Chief is supposed to be the last Spartan alive!
 * But aren't you glad more of them are alive so humanity stands a better chan—
 * THE LAST SPARTAN ALIVE!
 * Time travel? NCF!
 * But it's not technically time travel—
 * NEN SEE FUCKING EFF!
 * is released.
 * A Halo sequel? Nein nein nein nein nein nein nein nein nein...!
 * Dual-wielding? No, do not change anything from the original game!
 * Johnson's alive? I have never read a Halo novel, so this can't be!
 * "Sorry Gunny, it's classified." Hmph! MY ASS!
 * Marines can drive now? Then they shall drive like a drunken badger!
 * Two new Covenant species? This is unacceptable!
 * Brutes on Earth? This is unacceptable!
 * Why have I never seen this species before? I have never read a Halo novel, so this can't be!
 * ODSTs on their own planet Earth? Zis is unacceptable!
 * What the fuck are ODSTs? I have never read a Halo novel, so this can't be!

2004

 * i love bees is begun, an online advertising campaign that revolutionises viral marketing. It delivers a fantastic story, well-rounded characters, deepens the Halo universe, and is generally awesome. The final verdict? NOT CANON.
 * The highly awaited sequel to the original game, is released, ruining Halo forever even more.
 * Bungie change the Master Chief's armour. What was wrong with gloriously big and blocky? We don't want streamlined and smooth!
 * Halo 1 was perfect, so a sequel will automatically ruin everything we ever loved about it.
 * We don't care about the Arbiter, god, get back to the Chief! What do you mean, that's it?!
 * The pistol, which was perfect in every way, is replaced by the.
 * My god.
 * means that accuracy can be thrown right out the window, ruining the experience for all “pro” players.
 * The AI consists of monkeys going batshit crazy.
 * The Covenant speak English? Why must you ruin Halo forever, Bungie?
 * If we wanted a cliffhanger, we’d watch Cliffhanger.
 * Online is introduced bringing the experience of Halo 2 to thousands of, depriving them of social lives or the chance to ever find a mate.
 * Master Chief wins the Worst Quote in Halo History Award when he says "Sir, finishing this fight."

2005

 * A website created by the Halo 2 clan BlackBoxRepublic merges with a Halo Wikia, becoming, an encyclopedia for all things related to Halo. This ruins the Halo Nation forever, worse than anything that ever happens to the franchise itself.
 * Wanting to expand upon the Halo 2 experience, Bungie decides to release, ruining Halo 2's multiplayer forever.
 * You want us to pay MONEY for this stuff? Awesome joke, guys...guys?
 * Extra multiplayer maps? Thank you, thank you, thank you, Bungie we love you, you are so awesome!
 * No, Bungie, why do you hate us? The multiplayer was fine, go make Halo 3 already!
 * We get the Auto-Updates on the disc? This is awesome, it makes it so wonderful and balanced now!
 * Auto-Updates with the disc? OMG, Bungie, the game was perfect before, why are you messing it up?!?

2006

 * Halo: Ghosts of Onyx is released, explaining what the other characters from its predecessor were up to while the Chief was saving the world.
 * SPARTAN-IIIs? I'm gonna fucking kill someone...
 * A Spartan officer? What's the worst that could happen?
 * I dunno, maybe some future semi-self-respecting Halo fanfiction site will be flooded with a million Spartan characters that are promoted to officers for no apparent reason?
 * Don't be ridiculous!
 * Oh, great cliffhanger. Almost as bad as the ending to Halo 2.
 * The announcement trailer for Halo 3 is released.
 * WHAT DID THEY DO TO CORTANA?!?!
 * They're corrupting her...and then they're going to corrupt me! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!
 * THE ARMOUR LOOKS A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
 * Ensemble release the announcement trailer for Halo Wars,
 * is announced. Being developed by the award-winning, it is instantly ruined forever just by not being Official Bungie Canon.
 * i love bees is embraced as canon? Just HOW [[file:high.gif|link=http://www.mspaintadventures.com/sweetbroandhellajeff/?cid=003.jpg]] do you even have to BE just to DO something like that......

2007

 * Halo: Contact Harvest is released, showing how the Human-Covenant war began, and also sheds some light on Avery Johnson's past.
 * A smart Grunt? There's a contradiction...
 * Brutes? But they weren't seen until 2552!
 * Jenkins? How could he be a Private for twenty-seven years?!!
 * Halopedia decides to export all their fan fiction to another Wikia site named Halo Fanon. This place for all picky, whiny, snot-nosed fans to congregate ruins Halo's fanbase forever.
 * Following the well-received Halo 2, rounds off the trilogy of the Master Chief, and apparently goes out not with a bang, but a whimper.
 * NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
 * Everything looks too different! Why can’t you keep everything the same but make them better Bungie? Why?
 * What do you mean no to fight?
 * The absolutely perfect Halo 2 Battle Rifle is replaced with an overpowered new one. Who do you think you are, Bungie?
 * ? FFFFFUUUUUUUU-
 * Miranda Keyes steals the Worst Quote in Halo History Award from the Chief with "To war."
 * Post-credits spoiler? *eye twitch*
 * Wait, you're going to make us download the new maps?! What the crap Bungie, discs are so much awesomer!
 * Post-credits spoiler? *eye twitch*
 * Wait, you're going to make us download the new maps?! What the crap Bungie, discs are so much awesomer!

2008

 * is announced, reusing the Halo 3 engine. Bungie begin the build-up to the announcement, which is then postponed – the fanbase reacts with raucous abuse.
 *  is released.
 * A book not written by Eric Nylund! Heresy! Blasphemy! BURN THE WITCH!
 * What about Dietz and Staten?
 * BURN THEM TOO!!!

2009

 * Award-winning developer Ensemble Studios releases Halo Wars, a real-time-strategy game, becoming the first external developer to ruin Halo forever.
 * The is too early! Even though nobody ever said it was a new weapon!
 * Does Microsoft even care anymore?
 * In my game? It’s more likely than you think!
 * WTF isn’t half-naked? You’re ignoring like ninety percent of your key demograph people! Gawd!
 * New vehicles? How dare you expand the sandbox to make balanced playable factions!
 * Bungie breaks away from Microsoft, selling Halo their souls in exchange for their freedom.
 * Microsoft announce the creation of to oversee the development of the Halo franchise, prompting coughed declarations of “cash cow” among many.
 * You're not my real dad Bungie!
 * is released after appalling publishing delays. It may have a good story, and awesome artwork, but it is still a sign that Microsoft doesn’t care and never did!
 * Halo 3: ODST is released.
 * We should be fighting Elites, not Brutes! Canon is ruined!
 * Flashbacks? What is this, Lost?
 * Why so much exploration before the action? Linear levels were so much better!
 * The absolutely perfect Battle Rifle is replaced with the M6C/S Pistol.
 * Playing as ODST homage’s to Firefly? I don’t care, I want my Spartans!
 * Firefight? If I wanted to kill Covenant, I’d play campaign.
 * No new multiplayer but still the same price? What is this heresy?
 * The is released, shedding light on darkened corners – though with so many errors that it is declared to have ruined Halo forever all on its own.
 * 343 Industries announce and begin to release, abandoning American animators and planting the flag of Halo on Japanese shores.
 * 343 Industries announce and begin to release, abandoning American animators and planting the flag of Halo on Japanese shores.

2010

 * Halo Legends is released on DVD.
 * How old are you, 343i, ten?
 * Stop killing Spartans like they're
 * You're messing up the number of SPARTAN-IIs that were killed almost as much as Bungie does! Now we get to bash you more than we bash Bungie!
 * Good night!
 * Your suck at covering up your fail attempts to expand on.
 * is re-released with bonus content and minor tweaks. The original was perfect, and it has now been ruined forever, and was in no way a decade old and out of date.
 * ? Wtf is this shit?!!
 * Why did you not include new content from Reach even though you're not part of Microsoft and released the book before Reach came out! WHY?!!!!!
 * What happened to Halo 2? Microsoft discontinue the original Xbox LIVE service? Noooooooo!!!
 * is re-released with bonus content and minor tweaks. The original was perfect, and it has now been ruined forever, and was in no way a decade old and out of date.
 * ? Wtf is this shit?!!
 * Why did you not include new content from Reach even though you're not part of Microsoft and released the book before Reach came out! WHY?!!!!!
 * What happened to Halo 2? Microsoft discontinue the original Xbox LIVE service? Noooooooo!!!
 * Why did you not include new content from Reach even though you're not part of Microsoft and released the book before Reach came out! WHY?!!!!!
 * What happened to Halo 2? Microsoft discontinue the original Xbox LIVE service? Noooooooo!!!
 * , the final game to be lovingly crafted by Bungie, is released and ruins everything.
 * The Elites aren’t supposed to be scary!
 * Where’s the Master Chief!
 * can't wear they wear, did you not even read that book that actually says nothing of the sort?
 * Nooooooo you're ruining the canon people Reach fell in one day why can you not do this right!
 * If I wanted to sprint, I’d play Call of Duty.
 * Jetpacks? In my Halo? It's more likely than you think.
 * Armor Lock is overpowered.
 * The absolutely perfect Battle Rifle is replaced with the
 * The Pistol isn't exactly like the absolutely perfect original.
 * Halsey knows about other Spartans? Cortana’s still on Reach? Keyes makes a landing we didn’t hear about in that book that got released nine years ago? Don’t you even care about Canon anymore?
 * , They're Jackals, with the ability to dodge bullets  evade attacks? FFFFUUUUUUUUU-
 * Colored visors? How dare you rip off one of our articles!
 * Customizable armor in campaign? What's the worst that could happen?
 * I dunno, maybe every Halo Fanon user under six months of experience will start designing blatantly absurd armor layouts and colors?
 * Don't be ridiculous!
 * Wait, where are you going? Why do you hate us Bungie? Were we not good enough? Did we not love you enough? Why are you leaving us? Did we do something wrong???

2011

 * is released, staying at #22 on the New York Times Bestseller list for two weeks. It deals with the Forerunners culture and history, and thus ruins an ancient enigmatic race forever.
 * Bungie intentionally created installations; why do you need more to work with? FFS can't you just leave things the way they are?!!?!??!!112
 * What? NOOOO!
 * You...you mean the Forerunners aren't human? But...but...
 * WHYYYYY?!
 * A is announced at E3. Obi-Wan Kenobi has to sit down as thousands of voices cry out in terror, and are suddenly silenced.
 * The Hand of God M6D is back? DEATH TO FRANKIE!
 * It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal! You left out the original Halo multiplayer, reducing it to a Reach map pack, so you get NOTHING! You LOSE! GOOD DAY SIR!
 * But it would have competed with Reach, which is counterprod-
 * I SAID GOOD DAY!
 * OMG I AM TOTALLY NOT HYPING MYSELF UP TO BE LET DOWN LATER!
 * There's a Firefight map? And it doesn't have ? Worst. Game. Ever. Rest assured that I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.
 * The announcement of Halo Anniversary is followed by a trailer for : Electric Boogaloo.
 * Cortana seems to have acquired some stylish clothing. It's about time the poor girl covered up, shielding herself from the ogling eyes of fanboWHY? WHY?! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????!!!!!
 * 343i changed the Master Chief's armour. What was wrong with gloriously smooth and streamlined? We don't want big and blocky!
 * Forget the armour, what the hell happened to the Chief's codpiece? Is the tutorial a quest to visit the Codsmith and steal a "Hull of the Flagship"?
 * Why isn't there any new information? Why won't you tell us, 343i? If you don't hurry up, WikiLeaks the French will beat you to it!
 * anywhere near . 'Nuff said.
 * are reissued in new editions, with bonus content and canonical maintenance. Isn't that a good thing? You’d think so, but you'd be wrong.

2012
**No! I was kidding! I WAS KIDDING!!! **No! I was kidding! I WAS KIDDING!!!
 * If I wanted to read, I'd read The Lord of the Rings. Again.
 * Title Update? ALL OF MY HATE!
 * McFarlane Toys release an image of the new and improved Halo 4 Master Chief.
 * 343i unveil the Master Chief, and details on Halo 4.
 * The public get a glimpse of actual in-game footage of the Chief in his new armour.
 * ...everything went better than expected.
 * The absolutely perfect DMR is replaced with the Battle Rifle...OR IS IT?!
 * Is it BR55 or BR85? GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER GUYS!
 * I don't get the controversy over "perks". Everyone was asking for a COD piece!
 * The SPARTAN-IVs win the prize for most generically bland helmet of 2012.
 * Until George Lucas makes the inevitable Star Wars sequels. Come on, you know he'll do it...
 * Multiplayer being integrated into canon? You mean it's NOT been canon all this time? OH MY GOD...MY LIFE IS A LIE!!!
 * Giant mechs in my Halo? Why not just include laser swords and pink-haired princesses and call it a day?
 * 343i declare war on . What's next, Friday?
 * Recruiting of British actors for Halo 4 causes accusations of "OMG DATS RACIST."
 * Gameinformer reveals that, surprise surprise, Halo 4 is going to ruin Halo forever. Are you noticing a pattern yet?
 * No Elites in multiplayer?! You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!
 * No Firefight? Don't you even know why people PLAY Halo?
 * Spartan Ops? 343i, Treyarch called and they want their originality bac-AHAHA oh who am I kidding, I couldn't finish that sentence with a straight face.
 * Spartan Points? I preferred them when the were called Credits.
 * Armour abilities are still in it? *yawn* Classic is where it's at.
 * Sprint is now permanent.
 * "Forerunner Vision"? Can I be Batman now?
 * Multiplayer is Red vs Blue Spartans fighting in training simulators. Confirmed: Master Chief's last name is Neo.
 * Well, he does kill thousands (millions?) of enemies, respawns periodically, and has an affinity for.
 * And he still has more personality and is more engaging than Keanu Reeves.
 * Regicide? I preferred it when it was called Juggernaut.
 * You claim to have fixed removed weapon camping and respawn delay. As Ian Malcolm will tell you, "life will find a way".

Things that will no doubt Ruin Halo Forever in the future

 * Halo 5
 * Bringing back the Master Chief and/or showing his face.
 * Expanding the target audience to bring in more fans.
 * Keeping future instalments too close to the original style. Branch out!
 * Changing future instalments too much. The original was perfect!
 * Halo: The Movie, starring Vin Diesel as the Master Chief, Will Smith as Sergeant Johnson, and Angelina Jolie as Cortana.
 * An actually pretty good looking fan movie Because It isn't canon, it may not ruin as much as we all expect it to.
 * Really, anything 343 Industries do at this point, even if especially if they don't deserve it.
 * Really, anything 343 Industries do at this point, even if especially if they don't deserve it.