User blog comment:Mark-118/The Stranded SPARTAN/@comment-59290-20100514003617

Just have to say... This doesn't really make much sense... "It’s now 11:55 pm and the meeting is about to start. Our hero has a perfect shot of the highest ranking Elite in the crowd. The Elite is standing with a group of 3 Elites of equal rank holding a conversation."

First, wasn't the meeting about to start a half hour ago? And if the Elite with the highest rank is standing with three others of the same rank, how does he still stay the highest? I read the whole thing, and all in all, speaker as a part-time writer and a creative writing tutor, this needs more polish. More adjectives, more descriptors, more action, more verbs, more embellishment of the setting. The way it's set now is rather bland and straightforward. Draw your reader into the story by being descriptive and creative with how you narrate the events of the scene. Read Halo: Evolutions for a good example of how various authors work within the Halo universe, and how different and interesting many of their styles are. Right now, it seems to me that you are just beginning to embrace creative writing, and for that matter, the Halo universe. I would say you need a while to develop both of those talents before submitting anything to Bungie whatsoever. I certainly hope the story that you did send was written after you had read all of the novels. There are crucial things in each of the books that need to be accounted for, so all of them are equally vital to your understanding.

While the other users are generally harsh, you have to realize that you did ask for their opinion. So what you are going to get is their opinion, live and uncut. It's not going to be like the praise from friends and family back home, because, being somewhat anonymous, they can be more honest about your story than others who know you might.

Take all these things into consideration, and by all means, keep practicing! It takes a while to develop decent writing skills.