User blog:SPARTAN 119/Halo: Crossover Insanity (D)Evolved: Episode 1

A while back, I made an ad about a series of blogs where I review the silliness found in the Halo Crossover series on fanfiction.net. A certain admin that shall remain nameless said that I could not just advertise on the blogs but implied that it wouldn't be an advertisement if it had actual content. So, I went back (after several months) and made some content!

Now, I could start off with the numerous Harry Potter/Halo crossovers. Or the Lord of the Rings crossover. That would not doubt amuse a certain other admin, anyway. I could perhaps start with some of the Call of Duty crossover in celebration of the release of Modern Warfare 2.

Intro to the Crossover-ee
But I'm not going to. Instead, I'm going straight into the craziness. The tale of how I came across the other series in this crossover begins in an anime club I attend. One day, the club decided to see a series featuring what I thought was an oxymoron, a series featuring a badass anime magical girl. Namely the movie adaptation of the series [en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mahou_Shoujo_Lyrical_Nanoha Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha]. Though I risk your impression of me by writing about such a series, I believe my reputation is secure enough. Anyway, Nanoha (don't make me write out the whole title again) starts out with Nanoha Takamachi, typical Japanese girl of about eight, who discovers a magical artifact, that, in essence, lets her shoot CITY LEVELING LASERS!!!. Congratulations, Nanoha-chan, you now have the power of .0000000000000000000000000000000000001 Ajax

Also, magic is really an an alien technology. Nanoha proceeds to blast an evil alien magical girl (why are aliens always perfectly humanoid in anime these days?) named Fate Testarossa (apparently magical alien's names are a combination of Italian and Engrish) with a few city melting lasers. Fate survives in spite of massive property damage, and later becomes Nanoha's friend and if the fanbase is to be believed, future lesbian lover. This has spawned the internet meme "Your Going to Get Befriended". (Translators note: "befriend" means blast with a nuclear-level laser.)

I feel almost like I'm inviting ridicule for saying this (If you plan to mock me, I have a phrase for you that begins with shut and ends with up), but I watch a couple of sequel series, where Nanoha proves herself in a badass at only eight.How many eight year olds have you seen say "So what if I'm a demon, I'll just use my hellish powers to MAKE YOU LISTEN TO ME!!!", and them proceed to blast her enemies with a ridiculously huge laser. Nanoha then does what few anime magical girls manage... grow up into a magical... woman (Mahou Onna Lyrical Nanoha?), and live on an alien planet and become part of a magitech (or is it technomagic) dimension traveling military called the Time Space Administration Bureau or TSAB (They were going the call it the Space Time Administration Bureau, but the acronym STAB was bad for PR), and that is how she gets crossed over with everything.

And if you think this synopsis sucked, read the Wikipedia article, I've got a crossover to review.

Chapter 1
Our story begins with the aforementioned Nanoha Takamachi and Fate Testarossa on board a TSAB spaceship called the Asura or the Arthra (isn't Japanese mispronounciation of foreign words fun!?). This apparently takes place after the second season, involving a magical artifact called the Book of Darkness (Gee, I wonder if that might be evil?!). If you want to a better summary, READ THE WIKIPEDIA ARTICLE! The important point about the chronology is that Nanoha is still a child.

Anyway, the Arthra ends up floating around a gas giant with a familiar ring-shaped world, with a single ship fighting with several Covenant ships (I wonder who that could be?!) So the captain of the Arthra hails the UNSC Pillar of Autumn, and tells Keyes that he's threatening the fabric of spacetime and would he kindly stop fighting.

Meanwhile, back with people who rudely intruded into Bungie's story, The Arthra get a response from Keyes, that he is unable to stand down, but will not fire on the Arthra. Keyes also note that the Covenant might not be so friendly. Sure enough, two CCS-class battle cruiser turn to attack the Arthra. The Arthra blast them with its magitek cannon and annihilates them all.

Unfortunately, it turns out the Arthra is a glass cannon, as its shields aren't designed to resist plasma torpedoes and pulse lasers(or any "mass based weapons" basically anything that not magical). So there, if you are ever menaced by alien magical girls, fire a plasma torpedo.

So, the chapter ends with Arthra crippled and Covenant boarding craft attached.

Chapter 2
The Covies burst in through the breach in the hull and shoot up some TSAB redshirts. One of the survivors, a Captain James Obvious notes that the attacker's aren't human. So Nanoha, a guy named Chrono (want background on him? Wikipedia is the answer), Fate active their magical "devices" and head through a corridor littered with bodies, mostly TSAB human(oid alien)s, but also one Grunt. Fate wonders where the enemy are.

The Covenant are courteous enough to answer by blowing down a door with a plasma grenade. So Chrono puts up a magic shield and throws a few blue fireballs and kills a few Grunties, but only mildly annoys an Elite. Not to worry, because Fate blasts the Elite with another energy attack.

A bit later on, Nanoha runs into an Elite and asks it nicely to stop its genocidal campaign against the humans. The Elite responds by punching her in the face and informing her that her destruction is the will of the gods.

So, Nanoha, Fate, and Chrono move on and save a few more people, and a blast more aliens, and Nanoha finally does something useful by blasting a group of Covies attacking a group of characters I was to lazy to introduce you to.

In the end, the borders are repelled, the crew of the Arthra decide to investigate the cause of the "spacetime distortions" apparently emminating from the Halo ring.

Chapter 3
The Chapter begins in in a desert plateau with the Master Chief sniping some Covenant troops, including a couple Shade turret gunners (The level Truth and Reconciliation). Once he disposes of the last of the Covies, the SPARTAN detects unknown contacts on his motion sensor, and turns to see a... trio of kids in silly outfits.

Chrono states that he is member of the Time Space Administration Bureau, and Nanoha and Fate are presently aiding the Bureau, and they intend to come with 117, Johnson, and the UNSC Marines. They are naturally relucatant, but after Chrono blasts a Shade turret, the UNSC troops are like "fuck it, we could use some more cannon fodder, and allow the anime characters to follow them.

So, the UNSC forces and the three intruders in the Haloverse get into a fight with more Covies, including a Spirit Dropship and a couple Hunters near the Truth and Reconciliation's gravity lift. The Chief takes control of a Shade turret and shoots at the hunters. at the same time, Nanoha blasts one of the Hunters. That just pisses it off.

Thankfully, Fate runs around the Hunters at superhuman speed and slashes at the backs of the Hunters with her device, which can turn into an energy scythe (did I mention that?). Then, the Chief, the Marines, Nanoha, Chrono, and Fate enter the grav lift..

Chapter 4
So, our heroes make it aboard the Truth and Reconciliation and fight a group of stealthed Elites in the cargo bay. Nanoha blasts an floating energy sword with a magical attack, and the Chief and the Marines dispose of a squad of Covies more with a frag grenade and their assault rifles.

Chrono and the Marines advance into the halls, while more Covies show up go after Nanoha, Fate, and the Chief. So, Fate shows Cortana something that is "impossible" and hovers up to top of the crate and blasts the Covies with a magical attack called a "Plasma Lancer".

As the name suggests, the attack is not a good thing to stand in front of, killing several Grunts and Jackals and deshielding an Elite. After that, Nanoha blasts a bunch more Covenant with a powerful energy attack named called the "Divine Buster" (Gotta love the Engrish).

The Chief, not to be outdone by a couple of magical girls, throws a frag grenade amidst a whole pile of plasma grenades and sets them all off, vaporizing the rest of the Covenant.

With the cargo bay clear SPARTAN 119 and his unlikely allies move up to aid Chrono and the Marines, who are pinned down by a couple of Hunters in the hanger, but before they can do anything, Chrono disposes of the Hunters.

So, Nanoha, Chrono, and UNSC enter the ship's bridge, leaving Fate and some Marines to hold the bridge. The Chief and the marines mow down a few Elites with their ARs, Chrono blasts and Elite, and Nanoha blasts the commander with a ball of energy.

After clearing the bridge, our unusual group of heroes bust into the prison where Keyes is being held. Nanoha binds an stealth Elite with a magical energy rope thing and the Chief shows us what he thinks of the Geneva Convention by emptying his assault rifle into the Sanghieli. Meanwhile, the rest of the boarding party deal with the rest of the guards and release the prisoners.

Keyes saves his comments on the kids in the weird outfits for the next chapter and goes into the usual "Halo is a weapon speech". After than, Fate informs Nanoha that she's under attack. So the rest of the characters rush back to her.

Fate destealths and Elite and the Marines shoot it. An Marine gets Needlered, and Nanoha, Chrono, the Chief, Keyes, and the other Marines show up. Fate turns her device into a giant energy sword (Yeah, it can do that, too) and sword fights with the Elite, until the the commander Nanoha blasted earlier gets up and stabs Fate in the back.

Nanoha blasts that Elite and then goes over to her downed friend, who is not dead, but nonetheless, there are somethings that are not good for a (magical) girl, getting stabbed with an energy sword is one of them.

The Chief forces Nanoha off Fate to let the medic get to work, and a Marine asks how the commander was still alive. Nanoha's magical device says (Oh yeah, it can talk too. It also holds 10,000 songs and 24 hours of video) that it is set to a stunning mode.

SPARTAN 117 informs Nanoha that the procedure for dealing with genocidal aliens is somewhat different from that for dealing with misguided magical girls. The Chief than proceeds to demonstrate the proper procedure by shooting the stunned Elite in the head with his pistol.

Nanoha is somewhat disapproving of this, but did not speak up for this for the last 9000 or so aliens she saw the Chief kill. Anyway, Nanoha returns with the rest of the group and escapes in Covenant dropship piloted by Captain Keyes.

Chapter 5
This chapter takes place at Alpha Base near the remains of the Pillar of Autumn. It starts out with Captain Keyes asking questions about the TSAB and why they decided to show up in the middle of a war.

Chrono explains something about slipspace travel having the potential to cause rifts in the space time continuem and states that Keyes knows nothing about TSAB standard operating procedure. I can't wait for this guy to meet 343 Guilty Spark.

Keyes responds by noting that the Chrono is only 14 and that this is not Uganda. Chrono notes that the TSAB does normally have age restrictions and but in cases where underage individuals are have to power to level cities (A power level greater than one billionth of an Ajax), they are better off controlled then uncontrolled. Keyes then explains the Human-Covenant War and Chrono explains that the Halo is considered by the TSAB to be a "Lost Logia" or a powerful artifact/plot device capable of great destruction, and suggest the Keyes and TSAB work together. Then, Keyes brings up a mission to a certain Covenant weapons cache you may be familiar with.

Meanwhile, Nanoha uses her powers to fly onto the roof of a UNSC firebase, is met by the Chief. The two have a chat about Covenant, and the moral crisis of whether or not to kill an Elite that has just skewered your friend on a plasma sword. It is also revealed that Fate is still alive, but in the medical bay.

A bit later, Keyes agrees to let Chrono join him, and Nanoha tried to convince him to let her go with what basically amounts to "Please". Well, she does say she's been in fights with powerful foes before, but she even notes she's faced nothing like the Covies.

So, who survives and who ends up as Flood bait? Does Fate recover? Does the TSAB get in team to disable the ring, or will the Chief just blow the place up as usual (probably the latter)? The author hasn't posted a new chapter in months. The world may never know.

SPARTAN 119's Opinion
As surprised as you may be, this story was well written and somewhat amusing, in spite of the odd crossover. I give this story a Seven out of Ten.

Legal Gibberish
Halo belongs to Bungie and 343 Industries

Nanoha belongs to Seven Arcs (So this explains the why this crossover came to be)

The fanfic was written by [ http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6551447/1/Lost_Logia_Incident_Report_Halo_Array Lost Logia Incident Report: Halo Array by ZankouHoshizora]