User:Spartan-091/SPARTAN-N0013

SPARTAN-N0013, or as he is known to his awesome buddies, Yugi, was a Spartan-XXIV supersoldier created by ONI and a flashclone of Dr. Halsey who died and became a zombie later on. He was known for his wide abilities in basically everything, and was the best Spartan-34 there was. He wore a mix of customized armor that was taken from his opponents on the battlefield, his favorite piece of armor being the Elite chestplate that he wears everywhere. During the event known as the SuperDooper Wars, Yugi fought the Doops, an unstoppable race of beach-vacationers that were unable to be stopped despite their reliance on 17th-century firearms, which were in reality not 17th-century firearms, but crossbows that fired nano creatures at opponents that eat away any armor not resistant to them. Doops also relied on ground support, and couldn't fight in space unless supported by artillery on the ground. But they were unstoppable and deadly. But Yugi beat them all by unleashing his arancar power super nova special awesome friendship talent upon them.

Early Life
N0013 was born on Reach just before it got blowed up. He escaped when his parents, a top scientist and a UNSC high command general, gave him to Master Chief, who swore to protect the baby's life. Unfortunately, the baby turned invisible just after the pilot gave him his anti-death shots, and phased out of the cockpit and into space. There, the baby lived on his own for one hundred years, eating the little pieces of people flesh that had flash frozen to survive. he also evolved a technique to breathe in vacuum, and was able to make planet fall on reach after he got tired of flying around space. he didn't need any surgery or nothing. He was just that awesome. the baby decided to call himself Melje Jenkins, and used the nickname Yugi after his favorite millenia-old cartoon series about a children's card game.

Teenage Years
Melje decided to go to school so he could be smart and good. all the girls loved him because i, the author get no attention in real-life and supplement for my lack of awesomeness by living vicariously through my pathetic excuse for a character. He had secks over and over again, and fathered many children who were just as awesome as he was. Eventually the UNSC came to recruit him and replaced him with a flash clone for some reason and made the 34th iteration of an already expensive, inhumane, and last-ditch program to save humanity again that had been passed down as some kind of pointless tradition. Since Melje was so awesome and had lots of kids, the UNSC decided to use all of his superhuman kids to build the next generation of the program, despite the fact that it would cost roughly half of their defense budget. Melje went through training too, and passed easily, qualifying in like every weapon every, including this awesome wooden shilelagh which he used as his primary weapon since he was irish.

Adult Life
Melje soon earned the respect of every damn person in the whole galaxy, flying around with his giant wooden club and beating his enemies to death. He was also good at stealth. Since he was japanese and a ninja. Soon, though, the SuperDoop War got going, and the Doops invaded all of the UNSC's beach-y worlds after being betrayed by a hot-dog stand guy while they were on vacation at earth. The guy sold them bad hot dogs, which killed all of them. And then they rose from the dead with a vengeance and vowed the extermination of humanity. because, god damn it, when is humanity in space NOT under the threat of extinction from some over-powered and nonsensical entity? A Doop cruiser made it past all of earth's defenses by disguising itself as like, a giant moon, and then it killed lots of people. But Melje, who was now known as Yugi, saw through their disguise. He used his powerful legs to jump off of the surface of the earth and land on the cruiser. He then beat his way through the outer surface of the moon and got into the inside of it where he got rid of his armor, which was broke, and then hit all of the doops over the head with his high-tech forerunner shilelagh that he found on some ruins somewhere. Then he got to the control room where he faced darth vader, president eden, the collectors and a reaper all a the same time. He clubbed them all with his big manly weapon and saved the world by blowing up the moon again.

Post-War
Melje-Yugi left earth after that because his girlfriend died. since he could breathe vacuum, he paddled around space and sat on an asteroid where he brooded for seven centuries. no one has seen him, but everyone cries every night for him because if i killed myself today, no one would cry for me and i want to be missed and make a difference with everyone even though i am just wasting my life writing dull, crappy, and god-modded articles and then whining when people criticise them. maybe i'll go off and just start my own site where i can make sure everyone will be treated as nice as me.

AUTHOR'S NOTE
Attention, all of you who are by now lol'ing in the aisles. I do not mean a single word of this article. I am a big fan of satire, and I really, really get fed up with people who can't use common sense to design their articles or characters, or who for some reason just think that physics does not apply to them. This article was inspired by every horrible piece of fanon that has really irked me, and I'm sure you'll be able to catch the references. It was also influenced by the opening cutscene of Sonic: Unleashed, an appallingly crappy video game clone of the inbred hedgehog racing series.

By the way, I wrote the entire article in under ten minutes. SPARTAN-N0013 is SPARTAN-NOOB, as well.