The Price of Pain

Following the conclusion of the Human-Covenant War Shepard mourns for the loss of his closest friend. But little does he realise that the more he tries to put his pains behind him the more pain he creates.

The sound of Shepard's bare fists striking the punching bag thumped with a dull finality over the empty training floor. Creating a sonorous and thick drum beat that slammed through the empty room. Each blow was more savage than the last and was punctuated with a ragged pulled of air or a forceful exhale that sounded little more than a growl.

Shepard took none of this in. Even as his fists pounded against the bag his eyes and ears were showing him a different image. Flashes of memory ripped through his mind like claws, digging deep into his psyche as they pulled out each hurtful second of Lance's death. Each image lasted only for a moment yet they seemed to stretch out into eternity.

Thump. The hammer of a Brute warlord crashing into Lance's chest. Thump. The sicking crack as his breast plate gave way. Thump.The warlord standing over him, blood dripping from the hammer's axe blade. Thump.Lance suddenly on the creatures back.Thump.His friend staggering over to his side.ThumpThe spartan that was his brother whispering his last words.

"That was a close one Shepard, think he almost had you there"

The words tore through his mind as the images started all over again. With each repetition Shepard punched a little harder and every time the images grew in intensity. The sounds louder and the visuals more pronounced. They delved deep into his mind and stuck there even as he tried his hardest to block them out.

And behind it all a slow mounting anger, built on a history of regret, loss and blame. Emotions and thoughts flooded Shepard's mind until it felt like he was drowning in a sea of raw and unstoppable feelings. And no matter where he turned he couldn't see a way to swim that would save him.

The words once again ripped into his mind and Shepard screamed, a single perching roar of anger than blasted through the room. Pulling back his bionic arm Shepard lashed out out the bag, the chains that held it in place were torn from their links and the bag flew across the room to land a few feet away.

Shepard sunk to his knee's clutching his head. For a moment the tide of emotions ebbed and he was able to see the world around him with some clarity. Taking a deep breath he moved his hands from his head. His bionic arm was undamaged. His natural left arm however was bruised and stiff, the long hours of punching having taken their toll.

A few tears started to roll down Shepard's cheeks, he quickly moved to brush them away. Trying to stifle them as best he could. Crying would do him no good, he needed to improve. To be better. Shepard rose from his kneeling position and looked around the room. Hoping to find something to occupy his mind before all the voices returned to his head.

"Shepard"

The voice was quiet but carried across the length of the floor easy enough for Shepard to pick it up. Shepard turned quickly, suddenly embarrassed that someone might have seen him loose control. It was Jess, she stood in the doorway. For some reason Shepard thought she looked uncomfortable.

"What are you doing?"

Shepard sighed and walked over to where he'd left his towel. He quickly wiped his face, hoping the last of his tears were also wiped away.

"Couldn't sleep" his voice was dull, with little life to colour it.

"Can't think why" she replied.

Slowly she started to walk over to him, Shepard pretended not to notice. Staying strong in hopes that she wouldn't look to closely at him. She moved in front of him, trying to look him directly in his eyes even as he avoided her gaze.

"I know you miss Lance, we all do" her voice was briefly coloured by a few seconds of sad emotion "But this isn't help anyone, let alone yourself"

"I'm just training" Shepard retorted, hoping she would leave him alone.

"No Shepard, your hurting yourself." She suddenly reached down and lifted up his shirt. Underneath were a myriad of scars, all in neat rows below his ribs. Some were still in the process of healing while others looked days old.

"And this isn't helping"

Shepard snatched his shirt away from her hand and finally looked her in the eyes. For a brief seconds the voices started in his head and he had to close his eyes and concentrate, trying to quiet them down again. When he opened them again Jess was still there, starting at him with concern in her eyes.

"I came here because I have an idea, one that might help you"

"I don't think there is anything that can" replied Shepard, shaking his head. The galaxy seemed so hopeless and nothing seemed to take the pain away.

"A memorial, I know where we can build one"

For a second, just a second. Hope broke through Shepard's mind, maybe this was a way out.

"Tell me"