User:Anonymous ONI agent/Irk Shenanigans

A collection of my favorite moments on the IRC.

Murder, mutant-crossbreeds, and Mantooses! Oh my! (And lots of caps lock, too)
Anon_ONI_agent has joined #halo-fanon

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	NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO

	I'VE KILLED BRODIE

	I'M A MONSTER

 	WHY HAVE I BEEN CURSED WITH THIS INSATIABLE BLOODLUST?

	WHAT HAVE I DONE?

	I MUST REPENT

	I MUST REACH OUT TO THE MIGHTY BUREAUCRAT KNOWN AS SONASAURUS AND PLEAD FOR FORGIVENESS

	Aeolus ; O HOLY ONE, HOW CAN I REDEEM MYSELF?

	WATCH MY AMV

	OKAY

	lol

 Only through viewing the AMV can one be saved.

	yes

	I'VE WATCHED IT

	Anonysaurus

	WAT IS THAT

<Athena32>	you and sona interbred to for some kind of mutant abomination

Anon_ONI_agent is now known as Anonysaurus

<Anonysaurus>	I'M CANADICAN

<Anonysaurus>	AND I HAVE VERY CONFLICTED OPINIONS ABOUT 343 INDUSTRIES

<Anonysaurus>	BUT MY TASTE IN MUSIC IS FAR SUPERIOR TO THAT OF ANY OTHER BEING IN THE UNIVERSE

<Athena32>	XD

<Anonysaurus>	I FUCKING HATE CONSERVATIVES

<Anonysaurus>	IF YOU ARE ONE, I WILL MELT YOU WITH MY LASER EYES

<Anonysaurus>	I ALSO SIGN MY OWN PAYCZECHS

<Anonysaurus>	PLUS, I HAVE MIXED FEELINGS REGARDING INSTANT NOODLES

<Anonysaurus>	I COULDN'T DECIDE WHETHER I LOVED OR HATED THE MANTIS EITHER

<Anonysaurus>	SO I TOOK THE TOP HALF OF THE MANTIS AND I STUCK IT ON THE BACK OF A MONGOOSE

<Anonysaurus>	I CALL IT THE MANTOOSE

<Aeolus>	...

Mode #halo-fanon +o Aeolus by ChanServ

Anonysaurus has been kicked from #halo-fanon by Aeolus (Anonysaurus)

The Plague
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<Anon_ONI_agent> SO MANY PEOPLE ARE DYING

<Anon_ONI_agent> A PLAGUE MUST BE SPREADING THROUGH THE IRC

* Anon_ONI_agent creates a vaccine and administers it to his payczechs

<Anon_ONI_agent> THE FINANCES OF HALO FANON ARE SAFE

Brodie's a rapist!
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<Anon_ONI_agent>	HALP

<Anon_ONI_agent>	MY DOG IS MOLESTING ME WITH HIS TONGUE

<SPARTAN-091>	...

* Anon_ONI_agent blows his doggie rape whistle.

<Brodie-001>	Well then.

<Brodie-001>	Does that mean he's calling more rape dogs, or getting them away?

<Brodie-001>	Because the former would be unhelpful.

<Brodie-001>	Unless you're into that shit.

<Anon_ONI_agent>	I'M CALLING FOR HELP

<Brodie-001>	From more rape dogs?

<Anon_ONI_agent>	FROM HUMANS

<Brodie-001>	Humans who rape dogs?!

<Brodie-001>	You're sick, Anon.

<Brodie-001>	Sick.

<Anon_ONI_agent>	THEY MUST SAVE ME FROM MY TWISTED HOMOSEXUAL MINIATURE PINSCHER

<Anon_ONI_agent>	FUCK IT, I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO DO THIS

* Anon_ONI_agent	throws his dog through a window.

<Brodie-001>	Stop narrating your sexual encounters, please.

<Anon_ONI_agent>	XD

<Brodie-001>	Although, it'll be the first porn I've read that's entirely written in caps.

<Anon_ONI_agent>	Things seem to get really weird when I enter the chat lately.

<SPARTAN-091>	YOU DID IT.

<SPARTAN-091>	THIS WAS YOUR FAULT THAT IT'S WEIRD.

<Anon_ONI_agent>	I'M SORRY

<Brodie-001>	We were just minding our own business...

<Brodie-001>	Keeping the chat nice and quiet...

<Anon_ONI_agent>	BRODIE MADE ME DO IT

<Brodie-001>	I did nothing of the sort, sir.

<Anon_ONI_agent>	LIES

<Anon_ONI_agent>	YOU SAID THAT IF I DIDN'T DO IT, YOU'D RAPE ME

<Brodie-001>	How dare you implicate me in your scurrilous filth.

<Brodie-001>	Anyway, I don't rape anyone.

* Anon_ONI_agent hides behind

<Anon_ONI_agent>	BRODIE IS LYING, HE RAPED MY CAT

* Brodie-001 is shocked and appalled.

Mode #halo-fanon +o SPARTAN-091 by ChanServ

<SPARTAN-091>	CEASE

<SPARTAN-091>	OR I SHALL MAKE YOU CEASE

* Anon_ONI_agent whimpers

* SPARTAN-091 does the Gandalf pose

<SPARTAN-091>	ARE WE THROUGH WITH THE CLAIMS OF BESTIALITY?

* Brodie-001 mumbles an affirmative.

* Anon_ONI_agent turns into a huge flaming monster

<Anon_ONI_agent>	I think so

<Anon_ONI_agent>	But now I'm a huge flaming monster

<Anon_ONI_agent>	SO RAWR

<SPARTAN-091>	YOU. SHALL NOT. PASS!

Anon_ONI_agent has been kicked from #halo-fanon by SPARTAN-091 (for being a huge flaming monster)

Joke Theft
* Agent_North leaps into a wardrobe

Agent_North is now known as Brodie-001

* Brodie-001 emerges

* Anon_ONI_agent leaps into a wardrobe.

<Anon_ONI_agent> HOLY SHIT NARNIA

* Aeolus leaps into a wardrobe and heads off to Narnia

<Aeolus> GODDAMN IT ANON

<Aeolus> YOU STOLE MY JOKE

<Anon_ONI_agent> XD

Aeolus is now known as Sona|Raging

* Anon_ONI_agent logs

Pass the Sona, please
* Anon_ONI_agent is having Chinese food tonight.

<Anon_ONI_agent> In other words, I'm eating Sona for dinner.

<Anon_ONI_agent> :P

<Stel> Sona is delicious.

Beware of dog Ajax
* Anon_ONI_agent pings

<Brodie-001> ...

<Anon_ONI_agent> XD

* Anon_ONI_agent runs away.

<Anon_ONI_agent> It's like virtual ding dong ditch!

<+Ajax_013> mhm, wut now?

<Anon_ONI_agent> :|

<Anon_ONI_agent> Shit.

* Anon_ONI_agent flees in terror

* Stel laffs @ Anon

<Auguststorm1945> Good to see you, 13

The Battle of #halo-fanon
* Deep_Winter uses the Composer to digitize Anon_ONI_agent into an AI.

* Anon_ONI_agent turns into a cow instead.

<Anon_ONI_agent> Moo.

<Armand_AI> That didn't work.

<Deep_Winter> Hmm.

* Deep_Winter checks the Composer's calibrations.

* Deep_Winter fires the Composer again.

* Anon_ONI_agent turns into a table.

<Anon_ONI_agent> (table noises)

* Deep_Winter does AI things to the table making table noises.

* Armand_AI watches in disgust and horror.

<Anon_ONI_agent> (disgusted table noises)

* Deep_Winter fires the Composer yet again.

Anon_ONI_agent is now known as Toto_Sakigami

<Deep_Winter> Oh God.

<Toto_Sakigami> hi

<Toto_Sakigami> i like to ship humans and elites

<Toto_Sakigami> and make them haev lots of babbies

<Armand_AI> Hey Toto, I'd like to help you with your articles.

<Armand_AI> Here's some polite advice on how to improve.

<Toto_Sakigami> stfu hobknocker

<Toto_Sakigami> i dont want your well maening ofers for help

<Armand_AI> What the fuck is a hobknocker?

<Armand_AI> I'm more confused than insulted.

Dutiful_Sword is now known as Watchguard283

<Watchguard283> If it's anything like a slobberknocker, Toto wants a fight

* Deep_Winter marshals the HF fleet to repel such bad grammar.

Armand_AI is now known as Admiral_HF

<Admiral_HF> We can't repel bad grammar of that magnitude!

* Admiral_HF fires all guns

* Deep_Winter appears on the bridge of the flagship, HF Relentless Recusant.

<Deep_Winter> All ships are standing by, Admiral.

<Deep_Winter> But it's not very effective!

<Admiral_HF> Circle round the planet.

<Admiral_HF> We can use the gravity well to slingshot around the planet and hit these miscreants hard!

* Admiral_HF rallies the fleet

<Toto_Sakigami> i like FFH because im dumber then an rock

<Deep_Winter> Sir! We've lost the Donut THX 111!

* Deep_Winter plots a course around the local planet for the HF Relentless Recusant.

<Deep_Winter> Shall I bring the Ajax gun online, sir?

<Deep_Winter> Forty-two seconds to optimal firing range.

<Deep_Winter> Admiral_HF, at your word?

<Deep_Winter> The last attack seems to have incapacitated Admiral_HF. Retreat is the only logical course of action.

<Toto_Sakigami> i suck so much my riting insults FFH

<Orestes> Is it actually possible to insult FFH?

<Toto_Sakigami> only if your me

* Admiral_HF struggles to his feet

<Admiral_HF> Damn, that last attack nearly had us.

<Deep_Winter> HF Sgt. Johnson has been destroyed. HF Subtank is venting atmosphere.

<Deep_Winter> Captain Ell of the Subtank is requesting aid. Captain Sona, you and the HF Maslab are closest.

Orestes is now known as Captain_Sona

<Captain_Sona> Negative, we're going in.

<Captain_Sona> Pull the fleet back, Admiral.

<Captain_Sona> I'll finish this myself.

<Admiral_HF> Fleet, pull back around the planet, try to buy Captain_Sona some time and fend them off.

<Admiral_HF> Lead the way, Captain.

<Deep_Winter> Redirecting frigates 119 and 118, and destroyer 091, to assist the Subtank.

<Watchguard283> As the Navy once said

<Watchguard283> "NOVA the shit of out that"

<Toto_Sakigami> wat are those guis dooing

<Toto_Sakigami> there sayiing wierd things

* Captain_Sona puts the HF Maslab on full speed towards Toto_Sakigami.

<Captain_Sona> All weapons, fire!

* Captain_Sona grimaces as the HF Maslab takes some hits and begins to trail flame but does not slow down.

* Admiral_HF directs the fleet in another slingshot around the planet, and heads straight for the FFH Fleet.

<Admiral_HF> All MAC's, fire!

<Captain_Sona> We're losing oxygen fast and taking heavy damage, but it should be enough.

* Captain_Sona waits until the fleet's MAC rounds distract the FFH fleet long enough before charging straight in.

* Deep_Winter fires the Ajax cannon, scoring a direct hit on Toto_Sakigami.

* Captain_Sona rams Toto_Sakigami head-on.

<Toto_Sakigami> owch

<Toto_Sakigami> that hurt

* Toto_Sakigami creates an unspeakably horrible article and slices the HF Maslab in two with it.

<Admiral_HF> Deep_Winter, contact the 091, we need to see how many AAO nukes we have left.

<Captain_Sona> Forgot to mention one thing, Admiral.

<Captain_Sona> I took the liberty of carrying every single AAO nuke on board the HF Maslab.

<Captain_Sona> It's a fight we were meant to finish on our own terms.

<Admiral_HF> ...

<Admiral_HF> Fleet, hold steady.

<Admiral_HF> Let Captain Sona deal with these abominations.

* Captain_Sona closes his eyes.

* Toto_Sakigami eats the Maslab.

<Toto_Sakigami> nom

<Toto_Sakigami> yumy

* Captain_Sona activates the clearance codes to all 32 of AAO's nukes, and blows Toto_Sakigami and his entire fleet of horrendous writing to hellgates tenfold.

* Toto_Sakigami explodes

<Deep_Winter> Running scan. . . all enemy ships destroyed. They're gone, sir.

<Deep_Winter> Fleet standing down. Relief efforts indicate the Subtank may be towed to drydock for refit.

<Admiral_HF> T'was a hard fight, but we were victorious in the end.

Toto_Sakigami is now known as Anon_ONI_agent

* Anon_ONI_agent respawns.

<Anon_ONI_agent> OH GOD

<Anon_ONI_agent> THAT WAS HORRIFIC

<Anon_ONI_agent> WHAT GODAWFUL SETTING WAS THE COMPOSER ON?

<Anon_ONI_agent> WHY DOES EVEN HAVE SUCH A SETTING?

Admiral_HF is now known as Brodie-001

Deep_Winter is now known as ASniper

* Anon_ONI_agent wonders where the HF Maslab went.

<ASniper> A plane of existence beyond the internet, AOA. A place unknown to any of us.

* Anon_ONI_agent removes the hat he was never wearing and places it over his heart.

* Anon_ONI_agent logs.

Physically Impossible
* Deep_Winter throws a rock at Anon_ONI_agent.

<Anon_ONI_agent> OW

<Anon_ONI_agent> HOW DID YOU DO THAT

<Deep_Winter> That's what I want to know.

Episode One
<Anon_ONI_agent> Aeolus ; https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B-aRlZWoXtTBRk5qcTNRaURkZlU/edit

<+Aeolus> Okay?

<Anon_ONI_agent> They're my debate notes.

<Anon_ONI_agent> No suggestions?

<Anon_ONI_agent> Aeolus ; PING

<Anon_ONI_agent> Aeolus ; PONG

<Anon_ONI_agent> Aeolus ; PING

<Anon_ONI_agent> Aeolus ; PONG

* Anon_ONI_agent spazzes

<Anon_ONI_agent> RansomTime ; PING

<Anon_ONI_agent> RansomTime ; PONG

* Anon_ONI_agent pelts RansomTime with ping pong balls.

mode/#halo-fanon [+o Aeolus] by ChanServ

RansomTime was kicked from #halo-fanon by Aeolus [RansomTime]

mode/#halo-fanon [-o Aeolus] by Aeolus

<+Aeolus> Hah, who are you going to ping no-

<+Aeolus> Dammit.

<Anon_ONI_agent> lol