Halo Fanon talk:Good Articles/Nomination

Any discussions not relating to a specific nomination must be placed HERE or it will be removed without notice. Please note that only the Panel Moderator may update the status of a nominated article once voting has begun.

How-to
Nominations MUST follow every requirement set forth in this section HERE, refusal to do so will result in your nomination being removed from consideration. To submit an article for candidacy in the Good Articles project, please use the format seen below:

ARTICLE NAME

 * Writer —
 * Nominator —
 * Date of Creation — Month Day, Year
 * Date of Nomination — Month Day, Year
 * Description — Describe the Good Article candidate in an effective way with as few words as possible.
 * Why — In your opinion, why should this article be granted the honor of Good Article status?
 * Status — The present status of the article as a Good Article candidate (FOR JUDICIARY PURPOSES ONLY!)

Grono 'Yendam

 * Writer -
 * Nominator -
 * Date of Creation - January 7th, 2018
 * Date of Nomination - February 11th, 2018
 * Description - Once a righteous Sangheili warrior, Grono 'Yendam realized that honour can only get you so far, before going rogue.
 * Why - I know it is very early to submit an article of this age, but I want to see what you guys have to say about it, and see what I can do to get it to GA status if it does not make it there. Feedback away!
 * Status - GA status granted.

Voting

 * 1) Good on you for being proactive about getting the feedback you need to continue developing. Well, it's certainly got length, image, and format requirements down. Going as I read, "Whereabouts" should probably be "Sources" or the sentence otherwise reworked. The anecdote about meeting Nak could probably be expanded upon, if only a little since we have the character play into Grono's story later; he just humiliated a young noble, and that's not going to be viewed as insignificant. Whether there's a vengeful response to protect the Kaidon's familial reputation or a lack thereof because the Kaidon is just and wishes Nak to learn humility, it could be stated, and whether his own uncles are proud or lecture him because they fear reprisal, as well. I find it a little odd Grono's trained after being assigned to a Fleet, since every Sangheili child is supposedly taught to fight, but there'd probably be some more precise training to be a soldier in a, which you could work in just by changing a little terminology. There are definitely some sections where your level of detail gets too far into the nitty-gritty because you're trying to tell a story you aren't planning to write in prose, which is an issue I raise a lot regarding character articles. I would advise you to summarize the sides of an argument when one occurs, and not give a play-by-play of dialogue and responses, saving any particular lines you have in mind for Quote or Dialogue templates. The same with some of the fights you describe; all we need is who came out on top and how close it was, and if you really want to emphasize its importance, adjectives describing how long or hard-fought it was. If you really want to give an account blow by blow of a fight you have in mind, you can always write it up as a short prose piece. I actually like that your Personality and Traits section seems to recap a lot of events in the bio and point out conclusions, as an article about a canon character would do. Overall, I'm comfortable enough to support it as the content here is well-written, with attention paid to avoiding simple spelling mistakes, and has format down pat, but I would really push for some cutting down of detail, especially if most of the Human-Covenant War information is meant as backstory to a character you want to use primarily as a post-war mercenary. That Damn Sniper 01:01, February 15, 2018 (UTC)
 * 2) Sniper seems to have covered most points in the article in his comment above, though I do have a few minor gripes. There's a number of run-on sentences (unless you're making a list you shouldn't have any more than around two commas per sentence) and the infobox could be better formatted - capitalise things like his eye colour and bullet-point any lists - I'd say that this is definitely of GA quality. Well done!
 * 3) This is a hard call for me. I really like the content here: Grono's growth as a character is well thought out and the interactions with other characters feels organic in a way that I don't often see in articles. However I can't overlook the formatting issues, particularly with run on sentences and unnecessarily capitalized words. As Sniper points out above, there are a lot of play-by-play descriptions of events that could be summed up with more brevity. I recommend a full proofread to cut down on these issues--it's nothing a careful reading of the full article can't fix.

Sarah-184

 * Writer —
 * Nominator —
 * Date of Creation — April 27, 2016
 * Date of Nomination — February 14, 2018
 * Description — A former Class II washout who underwent rehabilitation to become a Spartan once more, spending her life as a Spartan recruit, an ODST, a SPARTAN-II, and a SPARTAN-IV, Sarah is in my opinion on the best Class II SPARTAN articles we have on this wiki, and a well-written one at that, being a FotM winner and a former AA nominee itself.
 * Why — I think in my opinion Tim mainly deserves credit how he used only a short duration of time to elaborately expand Sarah's page, surprising the likes of many. That being said, Tim has done a really great job in fleshing out Sarah as a person, how she handled the changes in her life from a trainee to an ODST to a SPARTAN. One of my two objections with the article would be Tim's rather unusual idea of image placement, but even then, it neatly and properly breaks text walls from getting too big, while keeping the page's looks more lively. The other one would be redundancy in using multiple CSV templates for her separated careers, but these two are really nothing in the grandeur of the page itself.
 * Status — Nomination failed.

Voting

 * 1) Unfortunately, I'm going to have to oppose this one. It's of good length and decently written, but the formatting needs some work. I'm not sure if having the images in the center of the page is a stylistic choice or not, but it proves very distracting when reading through the article. I would also recommend a general proofread of the page; though I didn't find any egregious grammar issues several sentences have awkward wording. There are some bits handling Sarah's character development, but for the most part it consists of battle descriptions strung together rather than a narrative that builds on who Sarah is as a character.
 * 2) I'm afraid I'll have to agree with Actene's points here. The page could really do with some reformatting and proofreading to improve its quality to GA standard.
 * 3) The first thing I'd do is shrink the infobox image down to take up less than half the page, using "|300px" inside the brackets linking to the image, because its height makes it dominate the page upon first viewing it. I'd also move the multiple names from appearing under the image to the Name slot in the infobox, as they look better as an alias list when they're aligned left down there instead of centered with their differing lengths above. I'm also in agreement with the above points about images in the body of the article, as they provide wide breaks in the text which pull the reader out by making them have to seek the next part; feel free to ask around or peek at the code of other articles to see how to align and shrink them. I also have to concur with the awkwardness of some text things; to get you started, strike that first comma after the name, and for flow, I'd recommend cutting the second sentence and adding a note about working with the program again where it's appropriate chronologically. I think the main thing really is pervasive convention errors, like "to" in place of "too", odd commas, and sentences oddly phrased. They're enough to keep me supporting for now, but the good news is I don't see anything in her story I'd consider bordering NCF, so with some ironing out of wrinkles, I could see her being back to earn the GA icon very soon. That Damn Sniper 05:25, March 7, 2018 (UTC)
 * 4) I'm gonna have to agree with the others here. From a writing standpoint there isn't much to complain about, aside from the character development gripes Actene brought up which I will have to concur with, but in its current state the formatting is not up to par, as has been stated. I am also confused as to why the page is named Sarah-184 if that's not the name she identifies herself with. On Halopedia, we have Kurt's page named as Kurt Ambrose, not Kurt-051, and Osman's page as Serin Osman, not Serin-019. Additionally, you should absolutely not have four CSVs one after the other; they should at least be in a tabber IMO. And the entire point of a CSV is to condense a soldier's service history down into one single simple, easily digestible document; splitting their career up into four of them defeats the entire purpose. So I am definitely going to have to say no to this one, at least until some major reworking is done to the page itself.

Jez 'Varum

 * Writer —
 * Nominator —
 * Date of Creation — February 14, 2016
 * Date of Nomination — February 28, 2018
 * Description — Jez 'Varum was a loyal Sangheili who faced problems on his homeworld Qikost, which caused a huge duel and his banishment from the planet. Joining the Covenant, he began to doubt its beliefs battle by battle before breaking away during the pivotal Battle of the Repository, allying with the Swords of Sanghelios. He was an important figure as he helped Thel make a better Sanghelios, and was a well-known Sangheili to many.
 * Why — Honestly, I think if I work more on this article, it'd deserve its GA status even more, but as of now, I feel it's pretty good as well. Jez was a fun character to write—being my first try at a Sangheili character infact—even winning last year March's Fanon of the Month status and getting nominated as Best Sangheili Character in HF's 2017 Annual Awards. My primary objective here was to get more critique and feedback from the GA panel judges, and possibly even win GA status as an added bonus, because why not?
 * Status — Granted GA status.

Voting

 * 1) Just for future reference, you should nominate pages for Good Articles because you believe they have a level of quality that deserves it, not just because you want critique on your page with the GA award as an afterthought. That aside, the page is of good quality, though I'd be wary of making things too descriptive in an article; the part where Jez fights Fenr reads more like the kind of blow-by-blow account you'd get in a story instead of a brief description of how the fight went and its outcome that could fit into about half a paragraph instead of nearly two. Also, try to limit information on battles to things Jez is directly involved with. I used to have a similar issue where I'd describe parts of a battle that the character itself wasn't there for; a brief overview is fine for context, just try to include only the things that are relevant to your character though.
 * 2) I find myself more lenient regarding the submission for feedback angle, since GA doesn't get a whole lot of nominations at one time, but should that ever change, something like a revival of the Critical Review board working on a submission basis might not be out of place. Anyway. I think the tag for that quote could be reworded to eliminate the "to him", which makes the sentence a little odd. The first paragraph of the intro I think is pretty vague and could probably be done entirely without, since it adds up to stating his life's story is different than that of the Sangheili ideal. Which, within the next line is sorta contradicted, as every Sangheili wants to be a warrior and the Covenant is the main outlet for that, so they're all very interested in it. "kicking him out" I find a more distinctly human phrase than something like "expelled", which isn't a requirement but something neat to see when reading a Sangheili article, choosing diction that sets you more in the mood of alien viewpoints. I'm surprised you don't have him buy into the Covenant religion from the beginning; the Covenant religion is taught on Sanghelios, even the older ones being based on the same Forerunner ruins as the San'Shyuum based theirs on, so it's more likely he'd have grown up taught it. There are some sentences, like "In this, the other states were being destroyed." which do the job of describing what's going on fine, but don't do much beyond that and I know you're capable of better. I'm in agreement with Brodie on the fight's descriptive length; I know you want to let it run long to give it significance, but that emphasis could be better accomplished with build-up and a concise description that gets across that it went back and forth and ended brutally. "So aren't we." really should be "Neither are we." Overall, I think the ideas are fine, but the articulation of them into writing just isn't on GA level yet, and I know CB is capable of it as seen on pages like Tyler-A319. A once-over rewrite from him, though, and I could see it coming back to have my support. That Damn Sniper 09:21, March 9, 2018 (UTC)
 * 3) A tough call for me, but although I agree with Snipers syntax and grammar corrections I feel that this article's strengths outweigh its faults. I really like the visual presentation in this article and while the story itself could definitely use some trimming and a proofread I felt very much attuned to Jez's character development while reading it and at the end of the day that's the core of what I'm looking for in an article.
 * 4) While I too have a number of issues with this article, I don't think that any are glaring enough to warrant a vote of opposition. The article is overall well laid-out and is pleasant to read, and while I agree with Sniper's wording nitpicks, they are at the same time exactly that: nitpicks. However, there are some things that stood out to me personally that I would like to see changed. The first is that the personality section states that "Jez was, however, known to have taken a few decisions in rage and/or seeking honor... While most of these decisions proved to be luckily advantageous, Jez tried to control himself as much as he can while full of anger and rage." This is a cop out. If your character flaw is for the most part an advantage, then it's not really a character flaw. Additionally, there are very few instances in warfare in which acting blindly in anger will get you anywhere except killed, so I have a very hard time believing that this trait could ever prove advantageous in all but the most niche of circumstances. Additionally, acting in a manner contrary to common sense in the interest of upholding personal or familial honor is pretty much a species-wide trait for the Sangheili, so I would personally strive to make his personal character flaw[s] a bit more unique to him specifically. The other thing that stood out to me is the mention of "Covenant Separatists", which stuck me as odd because AFAIK the Covenant Separatists haven't been a thing since at least the release of Halo 4. Overall, however, as I said previously I can't see anything significant enough to warrant a vote against from me.

Redmond Venter

 * Writer —
 * Nominator —
 * Date of Creation — April 14, 2010
 * Date of Nomination — March 22, 2018
 * Description — A street urchin who grows from a troubled youth, to an elite UNSC operator, to an infamous insurrectionist commander whose actions are felt throughout the galaxy.
 * Why — Venter is one of the key players in Actene's vast cast of characters, Venter is the epitome of a complex character, who's motivations and actions are just well written enough to keep him sympathetic and compelling. Seeing his development build through the article, as well as seeing where he ends up in Actene's other pages, gives him an incredibly interesting arc. Plus, in addition to having his own stories to tell, the humanization of the Hound Unit provided in this article has totally altered how I watch RvB, and that's pretty damn cool. As far as villains go, he's among my favorite on site, and is well deserving of GA in my opinion.
 * Status — Granted GA status.

Voting

 * 1) Meets length, image, and conventions requirements. Having read through the article just about every time Actene's made a substantial addition, I'm familiar enough with it to know I haven't got any error complaints. Having not yet reached even the Mamore phase, the article has a long way to go, more backstory being detailed than chronicling of what's occurred in prose stories, but as such, the events of those tales can be read in the story pages, while the article gives a deeper look at the character's background. And even thus far, it makes for a heck of a story in its own. That Damn Sniper 01:36, March 23, 2018 (UTC)
 * 2) Venter is a page I've been aware of since my earlier days on the site, and having seen Actene's constant rewrites and improvements on the page over the years to bring it up to its current level I think it's a good pick for GA. It's a great read and I highly recommend it to all users looking for inspiration on how to write a compelling rebel character.
 * 3) I was tempted to vote against this one simply because it's been a few years since Venter's article won in the Best Rebel category and I still haven't reached the part of the biography where he joins the Insurrection. With that being said I do appreciate the way this character has evolved from a one-dimensional villain to someone a lot more nuanced. I often voice my disapproval of the effort to incorporate elements of RvB into canon, but the way it worked out with Venter is the one thing that keeps me from removing the RvB references entirely.
 * 4) It's hard to criticise Actene's articles because he has done everything right here, and the only thing I can nitpick is that a few of the pictures could be set to alternate the sides - though that's not so much an issue then  a preference. The Sigma Octanus link is broken in the "Back Into The Fire" section. Besides that, I'm surprised it never got the GA status before.

Jay-I425

 * Writer —
 * Nominator —
 * Date of Creation — June 7th, 2017
 * Date of Nomination — March 25th, 2018
 * Description — A Spartan who has gone through plenty of battles, Jay-I425 has fought both Covenant and Insurrectionists. Going through many variations of missions, he is extremely devoted to his team. Even his death was to save his team.
 * Why — While there are certain parts that are still a little unpolished, I believe I at least have managed to improve most bits of the article that were reasons for the article being opposed earlier. While I'm still a bit unsure, I think it might be good for Good Article status.
 * Status — Nomination failed.

Voting

 * 1) Well, I'm glad to see more images used in the article since its last nomination, though it wouldn't hurt to put a few aligned left instead of right to give some variety, at whatever rate you think makes for a nice balance. There has been a substantial amount of content added as well, but looking back to my comments from November, length was never a problem I had; small but persistent issues with sentences such as extra commas and grammatical hiccups were, and what was there before has gone through little revision. If you'd like, I could provide the proofreading to show what exacting standards I'm looking for. As for the additions, I feel you addressed Sev's prior comment about a lack of detail, but may have overcorrected; in sections like Shieldum and Falaknuma, you're describing fights punch-for-punch, which is closer to what should be in a story instead of an article. The attack by an Elite in Shieldum is really inconsequential--if they were attacked, say they dealt with it, and if it's really important to the story, include one detail like how he managed to wound a teammate, but what should be important is stating the impact of the fight on their mission. Did it get them spotted and an alarm raised? If not, why is this fight even important to talk about aside from detailing a fight more fit for a story version of the events? I was also concerned last time by the abduction of a brother and sister side by side, which hasn't changed; not that I'm demanding you change your story to suit me to earn GA standing, but I do feel that taking two related children for the same unit needs justifying. Maybe the Incognito program is really desperate for recruits, which would be fine if they're a very secretive program that can't reveal itself to ask for more resources, but it needs to be stated when Jay or Jayne, as siblings, might one day decide not to complete a mission which could save millions if it means saving their sibling. Beyond that, while I'm still wary of Incognito Company as a concept just to facilitate -I### Spartan tags, which could open a floodgate for -W25 and -X33 tags like they're pulled from Halo 3, I'm willing to let it slide for the amount of work you've put into that concept, and that it hasn't truly broken any establishment of canon. Given the team of what appear to be your main characters are then removed from that company a la Noble, however, I'd still strongly recommend converting Jay and Anchor Team into Alphas and Betas. I started with my own characters from an original class, the S-II Betas, way back when, and while converting them was a pain, it paid off a lot for me since then, so do consider it. That Damn Sniper 22:35, March 26, 2018 (UTC)
 * 2) Sniper pointed out a lot of the key flaws here so I won't pile on too much. I encountered way too many spelling and punctuation errors for my liking. As I often do in these cases I would recommend a full re-read of the page as I'm sure a lot of them can be fixed in a single proofreading session. I do like the layout of the page, though I suggest making the images a bit larger. I would also cut down on some of the less consequential battles--some of the engagements that consist of just a few sentences feel more like filler content than anything else.
 * 3) As per the others, the page could still do with some tune-ups with proper capitalisation and the formatting to really give it that push into GA territory, though I do recognise that you've clearly put a lot of work into the page. In regards to the personality section, you're edging pretty close to the common writing error on this site of having a character who despite coming off as something of an outcast, is also described as sociable and is given a team leader's position. I'd pick a side to veer towards and stay on it, since they're unlikely to put someone who isn't leader material or who doesn't want the job in charge of the group fresh out of training. Also, while it's a minor thing, perhaps you should note that Jay only perceives the SPARTAN-IV's as arrogant instead of saying that they simply are since it's a bit of a sweeping statement. That way the article takes more of a neutral tone as a record of Jay's life.

The Silent Garden

 * Writer —
 * Nominator —
 * Date of Creation — March 9th, 2018
 * Date of Nomination — April 3rd, 2018
 * Description — A faster-than-light communications array built within the deep digital sea that is the Forerunner Domain. Its origins are unknown. How it functions is also unknown. However, it's calling out to be used and calling out to expand. It wants to grow, encompass the galaxy once again. With great power, there is a great mystery.
 * Why — It just won Fanon of the Month. It might be too early to be submitting this article for Good Article status but it just about finished as far as I can tell. I'll leave that decision up to you guys on the panel. May I emphasize that ya'll pass any grammar or plotting errors you might detect? Thank you.
 * Status — Granted GA status.

Voting

 * 1) Article does meet length, image, redlink, and creation date requirements, so on to content. Given it lacks an infobox (which, fair, I can't immediately think of an infobox type that would cover this subject), I'd recommend putting the first image after the quote, so the opening quote itself really stands out to get the viewer's attention as soon as they've clicked in, as it does handle a fair bit of introduction to the article's concept. A lot actually, as the intro paragraphs themselves are more commentary on how Humans and Covenant have handled Forerunner tech than definition for this specific concept. I'd normally take issue with that, but for this specific subject, I kinda like how you have to look elsewhere for a real understanding. Also, "technological" should probably have an -ly in the first proper paragraph. The Terminology section is also really helpful, and useful in its up-front placement, not only by defining terms used ahead for us, but also grounding them in what we know by referencing the 'Cortana moments'. The whole thing is a great storytelling concept, enabling things like a dream state with potentially heightened stakes for a character's introspection. That Damn Sniper 23:50, April 4, 2018 (UTC)
 * 2) As I stated in my vote for this article over at FOTM, this is probably the most original concept I've seen on the site in a while. The layout and image choices fit the concept very well and I appreciate how Distant incorporates elements of his own story into an otherwise broad technological article. I also think this may be the first article I can recall that effectively incorporated gif images into the page structure.
 * 3) While I've admittedly always been a little disparaging of what is usually referred to as 'Forerunner Space Magic' as a concept, I have to concur with the others that this is a really nicely-written article that blends the informative aspect of a technological article with elements of story prose, which is great! Also, don't think I didn't notice the 'Reality Marble' reference. Glory lies beyond the horizon.
 * 4) Going down the list, I think the summary should actually summarise the article, as at the moment it seems more like flavour text then actually introducing you to the article. You may want to change "Plantae-type fauna" to just "flora", as fauna refers specifically to animal life. The second "foreign" in the "Garden Seeds" definition could be changed to "alien" so that way you aren't repeating the word twice. In Technological function's fifth paragraph, "scale - it" should have a comma instead of a dash. In "Bonded Inner Worlds" second sentence, the repetition of that phrase can be removed. Actually, I'd recommend shortening it to 'BIW' every time you feel like repeating that phrase. There's probably more issues grammatically, so I'd advise that a proofread is in order. Nevertheless, this is probably the most unique article I've read in a while - I'm actually shocked that I never read this before. And for that premise and it's engaging writing style, it has my vote.

Sylvia Farkas

 * Writer —, &
 * Nominator —
 * Date of Creation — October 25, 2017
 * Date of Nomination — April 14, 2018
 * Description — An UNSC Marine Aviator born from a sudden RP and a crazy gun-nut's imagination...somehow Sev made it into one of the most prolific characters of last year with the guidance and heavy influence of Helljumper Flynn and Marv242. Get Gud, I guess?
 * Why — I should have done this a long time ago. Also, I have a long list of pages that need to be nominated...
 * Status — GA status granted.

Voting

 * 1) While there are a few fix-ups needed in the article, mostly capitalisation and a few run-on sentences, I think that this is definitely worthy of Good Article status. I do appreciate the great detail put into the non-biographical parts of the article - maybe a little much detail in the first paragraph of her appearance section but that's just my opinion - that really serves to flesh her out as a character. Good stuff!
 * 2) Second intro paragraph, "that she's" is present tense and should be replaced with something like "herself". Odd she enjoys Moa hunting "with her parents" when you've just explained she ignores her father and is distanced from her mother; "uncles" maybe? There are actually at least a couple places where "are/were" is inconsistent or "that's" or similar contractions would expand out into present tense, and need revision first; the one in the first paragraph under Battle of Ffyniannus could just have the "that's" cut entirely. "backing" shows up twice in one sentence. "It was this aggression that she started to distinguish herself" is probably missing a "through" early in. "Puzzling" in the Personality section sits somewhat on its own, unrelated to the sentence. Since this is a pilot article, something I picked up watching Spacedock is that quick reflexes won't save a person from a missile; while it's fine in a fiction context, something with the mass of a dropship or even a fighter just isn't going to have the thrust-to-mass ratio to outfly something as small and high-thrust as a missile. An unguided rocket, though, sure. "Although harder to for" in the M6C/SOCOM's description. Well, all in all, I know I just gave a lot of grammatical nitpicks, but those are really about the only complaint category I can raise with the article. Content, images, and formatting are all up to snuff aside from the little too occasional switch in tense. I'd like to see it actually get fixes for these, which is why I'm giving it a Neutral first, but those little things changed and it's got my support. That Damn Sniper 21:39, April 22, 2018 (UTC)
 * 3) Sniper got just about all the grammar errors so I won't pile on; I'm confident they will be fixed in due time so I'll go ahead and support this article. The biography has plenty of details that really add personality to the character—this is the kind of writing I am looking for when I criticize some biographies for just looking like a string of battles. My one nitpick is with the images in the bio: while the pictures in other sections are reasonably sized the ones in the bio are way too small. I say this a lot in GA votes and I suppose it's a matter of personal preference, but in my opinion it makes even reasonably sized paragraphs look too big by comparison.
 * 4) I think the article is solid enough in its current state in spite of the minor technical flaws present to justify GA status.

Jaeter

 * Writer —, , &
 * Nominator —
 * Date of Creation — October 14, 2017
 * Date of Nomination — April 26, 2018
 * Description — Been sitting on this article for some time. Not sure what to do with it since I'm not up to speed with what's Jaeter's current state of affairs in the RP. That said, the world was a strong construction and with assistance from me and Sev we got it up to speed and to reflect the world Marv wanted to build. His ideas for worldbuilding are impressive, got to hand it to him. It's a fully realized world from an entire RP of different writers with exception to the history section since lack of recent updates by me. Ummm...honestly not sure what to say here at this point.
 * Why — I'm not sure if this one deserves an award but I guess for the sake of getting some feedback on it. Let's give it a shot?
 * Status — GA status granted.

Voting

 * 1) "A small-survey corporation," doesn't need the comma after it, and actually you might reconsider the dash therein. Speaking of dashes, need an emdash to replace the other in that same paragraph and a couple other places. In short, I think there's an awkward phrase often enough to be worth a peer read-through, but it's low enough it won't block my support once it gets that. On the concepts side, I'd recommend another name for the Harvest moon when we've got a fairly prominent planet by the same name; I know George Martin names dozens of characters after one another because that's how life is, but here the potential momentary confusion isn't worth taking your reader out. You might add what company sponsored the colonization effort. It's just that you mention a colonization market, and the real profit is what comes from the planet once the investments of building a colonization ship and recruiting thousands of people to leave their homeworld is paid off. There's more than a few mining companies in canon that might fit that bill, looking to establish claims to new sources of minerals and put a ready-made work force in place. Later in, I'd make that list about social aspects into one sentence; full-stop periods for such a list give each item a lot of punch, but it doesn't fit so much in an information article as it does in prose. Second to last sentence of that same paragraph needs a look, as it sort of repeats itself with "are the worst--are considered the worst". I do kinda notice the reuse of that map image, but it's not really a severe issue. Though, one thing I would recommend is, when making a planet which will function as a setting, you may want to give more images of environments within that setting, like city streets that either depict a flourishing, clean metropolis or a filthy alley populated with lurking criminals, or a forest image that gives us an idea of whether it's more alpine or rainforest. The plains mentioned in one of the quotes might be a good place for that. So, mainly it's a proofreads thing for me. Otherwise, the article's got all the content it needs laid out the right way, a great collaboration. My concerns seem like they've been addressed. That Damn Sniper 07:05, April 29, 2018 (UTC)
 * 2) I'm gonna concur with Sniper here; normally I can easily overlook some grammatical problems and word flow issues if the overall package looks nice, but to me this seems to be too much to ignore. One thing I'd add however is that the title of "Lord Marshal" should be spelled with only one L; "Marshall" spelled with two Ls is a person's name. But yeah, I'd like to see some definite improvement made before I'd feel 100% confident green-lighting this page for GA status.
 * 3) While I think that the points made by my fellow panellists above are very pertinent, I've never agreed with using the neutral template for GA, especially when it comes down to a page that I believe is clearly of great quality but in need of some very easily-made fixes. I suggest re-drawing MS Paint map of Jaeter; I understand that custom maps are hard to come by or draw online but it really looks rather low-quality and out of place compared to the actual sketch of Jaeter that seems like a more believable drawing.


 * 1) I'm with Brodie on this one. The fixes are easily made and don't do much to detract from what is not only a quality article but a great example of collaboration. I actually don't mind the hand-made maps; although I'm generally not a fan of this sort of thing it works well on this particular article. "Jaeter" is one of those concepts that I can't help hearing about despite having no part in the RPs surrounding it and when you reach that level of ubiquitousness you're headed in the right direction. I appreciate the effort put into the various elements of the article and while that doesn't completely divert Sniper and Anon's complaints I do think it mitigates them enough to justify a supporting vote here.

Vadumverse series/A Burning Desire

 * Writer — and
 * Nominator —
 * Date of Creation — April 28, 2018
 * Date of Nomination — May 5, 2018
 * Description — After the events of the Grandpoint bank robbery, Jason Miller picks the trail back up and continues to pursue Kyle Craig. When he finds the formidable criminal, he encounters an unexpected situation that could cost him his life. But he encounters something else to, a clue that could lead to the final capture of Craig. That answer is, the Flame.
 * Why — I feel that this is an interesting story, in my opinion, and it exceeds the byte limit of 10k for short stories. We received feedback from Ahalosniper and corrected most of the constructive criticism. I can't say what changes are still needed but I feel it deserves an award in its current state.
 * Status — Nomination failed.

Voting

 * 1) Having given it some thought, I'll have to oppose this one. While there are some decent moments, the formatting really messes with the flow of the story and makes it harder to follow; the longer blocks of text near the start and intermingling lines of dialogue with paragraphs of prose are the biggest offender. Also, there's a couple of points near the end where you use 'Kyle' to refer to the protagonist instead of 'Craig'. You should pick either his surname or forename to use as reference in the text when people aren't directly addressing him. All in all, I think this story could really do with another once-over to deal with the formatting and some awkward sentence structures to make it better for GA.
 * 2) This story really needs some cleaning up before it can be considered for GA. Awkward sentences aside, I didn't see much character development outside of the action--which took up most of the story. The set-piece choreography for the fights seemed good but could definitely have been improved if the descriptions were more broken up and interspersed with character interactions. As with a lot of syntax-related problems, I recommend just sitting down and giving the whole story a good read through from start to finish, editing as you go to see what works and what doesn't.
 * 3) I've felt kind of awkward about voting on this since I helped with its revision, but because of that I've left it hanging far too long, and giving it enough review to continue forward is the least I owe it by now. There have been improvements made since I first read it, but I feel more are yet necessary before I could call it a Good Article in the story category, since prose is more important than format for stories. Starting with the TimeStamp, in fact, since the specific Hour is given without the Day; if it's just that you only want to set a time of day--actually, heck, that's only 5pm, and it doesn't get really dark until 6 in November according to a quick Google search. The opening reads pretty fast to me; I'd break the first paragraph into two, with the first being the establishing images of the squad cars, where they're going (and possibly expanding it to include the unmarked sedan entering the warehouse and Miller exiting his car to approach the warehouse door we see him at at the third paragraph's start), then the second starts with getting into the head of Jason Miller and what he knew. After the break, you might note it's the heist specifically, not the money, that Craig's pleased with, because it's proof of his ability and, as you subsequently mention, that it will draw in Miller. "studies" should be "studied". I'd definitely use a new paragraph to highlight the importance of Craig's 'ultimatum', and to give it more explanation up front than it's something he had in his pocket. "I would say hired guns" still doesn't sound Sangheili enough to me for the line introducing your Sangheili character here, but beyond that his lines are very much improved over last time. I think a "right" or "left" is needed after "he move hard to his". The last line before the last break that states Miller's motivation is... broad, one could say, to the point of naivete. For a cop who has a shift he gets paid for, has concerns like rent or a house payment, protecting every innocent isn't a believable goal he could accomplish. Now, fearing the harm Craig could bring to all of them, that's another matter, and sets a human motive for him to so devotedly chase Craig in particular. But, in truth, these are just the things I can pick out from the surface. There are a lot of places I would look to expand on in more detail for a clearer picture or to have an effect in pacing, but let me go too far into it and I'd start trying to write it for you. So, by the end, I do have to oppose the story's nomination at this point, but just by what's essentially flipping writing switches to make contexts different to a few things, the story's already improved from when I first read it. So hard as I know it is when critiques are made, don't let them discourage you. Let resentment fuel you to write something that'll show 'em all. Do whatever it takes to keep at it. That Damn Sniper 04:41, June 24, 2018 (UTC)

Gilgameshan honey bee

 * Writer —
 * Nominator —
 * Date of Creation — July 31, 2017
 * Date of Nomination — May 27, 2018
 * Description — A stingless bee native to Gilgamesh that, mostly through the power of memes, found success at the Annual Awards and won Fanon of the Month.
 * Why — Mostly because I want to see how good the article stands on its own merit rather than as a meme.
 * Status — Nomination failed.

Voting

 * 1) Article does not meet the minimum byte requirements needed to be eligible for GA nomination.
 * 2) Still doesn't meet byte requirements, nor image requirements for that matter. That Damn Sniper 05:34, June 6, 2018 (UTC)
 * 3) As per the others.
 * 4) As per the others. In order to bulk the article up to meet requirements, I recommend adding more quotations and perhaps more anecdotal "incident" spots--you can find some good examples of these on some of the animal pages on the Star Wars wiki. Images are understandably tricky so I suggest pictures of a character who had interaction with the honeybee or some generic nature spots of the bee's habitat.

Halo: The Final Visit

 * Writer —
 * Nominator —
 * Date of Creation — June 1st 2018
 * Date of Nomination — June 14th 2018
 * Description — A short story about Amy-G094 saying goodbye to her closest friend at a Gamma run memorial.
 * Why — This story took a little while to write and I'm proud of how it turned out. I've been saying Amy/Hera was the protagonist of my work moving forward for a while now, and this piece finally cements it. It is as much about giving me closure about my past writing endeavours here, as it is about Hera moving forward.
 * Status — GA status granted.

Voting

 * 1) The sentence after '“I’ll contact you when I’m finished,” she paused briefly, “It’s important to me.”' should be it's own paragraph, as it's someone else speaking. I feel like that 'He was the reason for her pilgrimage' should have 'here' added onto the end, to clear up that it's to her journey to Merken. "Desperate to keep" needs an 'it' after the phrase. "Autopilot sequence as they" There isn't anyone else on the ship is there, so shouldn't 'they' be 'she'? "the mirror replicated." I assume that it replicated the action/gesture, but it reads like an incomplete sentence. "Gamma run" should have a dash between it. I don't think "Kody laughed gently." needs to be it's own paragraph, so you can combine that with the one above it. "Hera nodded, “things changed.”" Should be it's own paragraph. "Infinity" should be italicised as it's a ship's name. There are a few words that need to be capitalised as well. Regardless, these are minor issues to the piece, and do not detract from the overall quality of the piece. It has my vote.
 * 2) A nice send-up piece that integrates nicely with the collaboration potential of the Missing Wall concept. Aside from a handful of stylistic quibbles my only complaint is mostly movement from point A to point B with some expository conversation in the middle. But you can't ask too much of a piece this length and the conversation itself sheds light on the Gamma Spartans as a whole and builds the characters of everyone involved. Definitely deserving of GA status.
 * 3) As someone who helped proofread this story before it was finalised, I found it to be a really interesting insight into Amy/Hera, a character that I must admit I knew little of beforehand. It's a good-quality piece and I've not really got much to critique that hasn't already been said above.
 * 4) Hey, look at that, Sev's started doing individual wording picks too, so maybe I can spend a little time on overall thoughts here. Though I would change "began flickering" to "flickered" to save a word. And having two -ly words back to back in "violently. Instinctively" never sits right with me, so I might suggest "On instinct,". And emdash especially when you're using one, or it looks like a compound word (I'll make the whole site learn to use 'em one day)! I'd remove "their" from before "strafing", just a connector you can cut. "that remained" could be "remaining", or perhaps something like "secured" to give the impression it's locked into place. When she hesitates to grab her battle rifle, you might give some hint as to why she hesitates--whether it's because she probably won't need it but prefers it anyway, or if it's a personal hesitation to take up a weapon which I feel like it kind of reads as now. I might go deeper with the image of three HUD markers popping up, that they seem to just appear, entirely separate of any figure, through the dust and potentially rock walls hiding them, so the markers just float there alone in her visor. When Hera tells Jake who had to etch "their" names in, would it be too on the nose if she was pointing at the names of Team Jian's other deceased? Your choice there, I kinda like it. I agree with Sev on the "Kody laughed gently" line, but I might suggest having him go further and act on the excitement you show he has with his introduction; plant hands on hips proudly, or even go so far as to approach for an embrace, only for her to back off, prompting him to hold back and lead into the hand-on-heart gesture. Double "more" in the "Jake hissed" line. You could also save a dialogue tag if you move Hera's next line back to the end of that paragraph, making Jake's and Hera's bits two separate paragraphs. Double "left" after "Hera bowed her head". Ooh, one thought: you might have one of the other Spartans hand Hera the etching tool or some kind of laser knife on their way out. Maybe plans have changed, but when discussing Hera a long time back, you'd mentioned not considering her a Spartan anymore; you could potentially tie that into the ending of this short, in that she never came back because it was the Spartans' place, and she didn't consider herself one anymore. Well, guess I went into particulars again, but ah well. Most of these aren't so much complaints as suggestions, and I don't have any complaints for the story's structure or context. It makes for a good intro to the character from that point forward, both setting up her past and her dynamic with other Spartans. That Damn Sniper 23:02, July 8, 2018 (UTC)

Oru 'Vanuxee

 * Writer —
 * Nominator —
 * Date of Creation — February 17, 2018
 * Date of Nomination — June 21, 2018
 * Description — Once a noble Fleet Master, Oru 'Vanuxee fell from grace during the Great Schism, and has resorted to the life of a mercenary to get by.
 * Why — I've finally finished the bulk of this article, although I still do have to touch up on the Relations section. Nonetheless, I've worked hard on this article lately, and I hope to see Oru 'Vanuxee succeed and get GA status, to be put up there alongside my previous nomination. Like I said last time, feedback away!
 * Status — Nomination failed.

Voting

 * 1) First sentence of the 'Early Life' section, I'd suggest a comma after 'Herald of Fire' and no capitalisation of 'the' earlier on; you don't need to do that after commas. I've also noticed a tendency for really short, somewhat choppy sentences in the article that come across as simply stating facts about Oru instead of telling us the story of his life, so I'd suggest going through and either combining or expanding on these sentences. There's an occasional factual error, like how the Covenant and UNSC found Halo after a month instead of eighteen days after the Fall of Reach, and the odd misspelled word, but I don't think that it detracts from the overall quality of Oru's article. It's definitely GA quality, but could definitely use a bit of refining to make it even better.
 * 2) Overall on the whole I can't deny that this is a well-constructed article, but there are too many small, irksome canonical errors and details that seem to defy logic present at the moment for me to feel comfortable voting in favor of granting this page GA status. The first issue that jumps out at me is an apparent misunderstanding of the Sangheili rank system. The article states that he at certain points in time holds the 'ranks' of Shipmaster and Fleetmaster, which is strange considering those aren't ranks. Those are titles, typically given to Sangheili Generals or Zealots, or in the case of the Shipmaster title, occasionally Ultras, if it's a smaller vessel. So apparently after 2507 he remained a Major but became a Shipmaster and later on a Fleetmaster anyways. And on that note, the article doesn't explain very well what it is he did to earn those "promotions". Generally, a Sangheili must perform some feat of incredible martial prowess in order to earn a promotion, but I see no mention of anything like that. Another thing that grabbed my attention immediately as soon as I began reading, although it's a minor gripe, is the Oracle Code. It doesn't seem exclusive to this article, but it bothered me enough to want to address it here. The concept of the Covenant having a system to identify and keep track of their soldiers is fine, especially for Sangheili, but the idea that it would be in any way easily translatable into human numerical or lettering systems is absurd, and likely wouldn't be intelligible to us in any sort of familiar fashion without extensive and complex decoding, let alone the idea that it would read out anywhere near close to something like a modern military ID serial. This isn't honestly a big enough deal that I'd expect it to be changed before I'd vote in favor of granting the page GA, but I still wanted to address it. Finally, I'm going to disagree with Brodie here and say that the grammatical issues present do warrant putting a hold on GA status at the moment. I'm normally quite forgiving about this, but there is a point at which it stops being just a mistake every now and again and starts being an endemic problem throughout the article, and I'd say that this page is past that point. Again, I think the page is well-constructed and certainly has the parts in place to be GA worthy in the future, but it's not there yet.
 * 3) There are a number of issues to address, most notably some of the suism present in the early segments of the article. This is first seen in his early life section where everything under the sun is mentioned to be praised; he's the greatest fighter, the smartest, the best problem-solver and the most popular. This isn't impossible given the high standing of his clan, but I'd at least mention something he wasn't good at. This also extends to its skills - the lack of mentioning any weaknesses adds to this impression he's gone none at all. Why does the tutor immediately send him on a suicide mission, rather than try and favour his nephew to force Oru to be unseated as the undisputed best? I don't doubt this is what happened, but it should be mentioned so it doesn't come off so murder-ish. I don't particularly like the bit where he immediately gets to be second-in-command of his lance when surely there'd be someone who would be better suited to it - especially since you mention it was due to 'combat experience' at his keep that was never mentioned. I'm pretty sure no troops would be 'in awe' of him - they might think those stories of his youth impressive, but ultimately he has to prove whenever he's worthy of his clan's reputation (especially since his uncle is the fleetmaster, which would make his comrades consider the possibility that he only joined their unit to get promoted quickly due to familial interests). The Heretic Infiltrator is frankly a bit unbelievable - rather than going for the battlecruiser's CIC and vent the atmosphere across all decks there, he stumbles on Oru's dorm and gets shot? That screams of a setup by his family, which could happen to try and reward him early distinction. Why does he get the shipmaster title for basically sitting back from the main attack and only cleaning up the remnants? Especially since the main assault is conducted by a legion from a dishonourable CPV-class destroyer and contradicts his headstrong tendencies, shouldn't Oru try to beat them to the punch, like disobey orders and take a drop pod onto the battlefield? Or if you want his high-birth to matter, try to blackmail the shipmaster into conducting the main assault or risk attracting punishment from the Vanux clan? You've also mentioned him being the "prized shipmaster" of the fleet, but what exactly did he do to earn such high praise, besides disciplining his crew (which seems like a necessity to me, rather than something to be commended) and destroying a few ships? More needs to be done here. Also, I've just realised - why was Oru never given an actual ship? The CRS-class has been said to be classified as an attack ship, grouping it in with banshees and seraphs. If anything, he should be given an SDV-class corvette or CAR-class frigate, let alone a CCS-class which you'd think would be a prerequisite for higher command. It's also weird that a shipmaster who has seen very little actual combat would be up for the fleetmaster position. The last few paragraphs in "Fleetmaster Career", as well as the Alluvion segments, really need to have their own sections, since they seem to be talking about their respective battles. It's kind of awkward to read about his general career and then be thrust into two independent battles. There is also something weird with ranks going on - if Thel was never a Supreme Commander at Alluvion, why did Oru take orders from him? I'd make a specific mention that Oru was a rank or two below him, making him Thel's subordinate There's also some weird shoehorning with his predecessor N'hraga 'Vanuxee being a competitor with Xytan, and only lost because the state of 'Vanux would undergo unrest. This all falls apart when it's scrutinised - why would the clan of Vanux be at risk of revolt, as wouldn't it be good for them to have one of their own be an Imperial Commander? It doesn't make sense, and I'd recommend removing it completely. The rest of the biography seems alright, although I'd like some clarification about why Oru chose to be a mercenary instead of making his own Covenant remnant? He held the supreme command rank/title and obviously did have the respect to efficiently command his forces, and he doesn't seem to particularly like Skivich, so why didn't he do it? I also fail to see how the Minister of Fervent Intercession betrayed Oru - it doesn't seem to warrant that quote under his section in 'Relationships.' I'd add how he thought Intercession betrayed him specifically, or get rid of it. There are a lot of minor issues, like some portions in Personality that should be in the "Skills" section (the strategy stuff, specifically) and all the grammar issues, which I recommend you download Grammarly to sort out. If you can get all these issues sorted out, I'd be happy to support it, but it doesn't seem to be quite ready for GA status yet.
 * 4) Boy, there's some long reviews already. I'll keep it short, so as not to overwhelm, and since most of my qualms would repeat at this point. It's funny, my take on this article is a reverse of the last one, in that here your article's well written and formatted, and most of what I take issue with is concepts. I will differ from Sev in one respect, though; in Early Life, I think it's actually fine to have a character who excels, being a gifted fighter and intelligent and popular, but a character like that needs challenges that equal them, highlight their flaws and help us better understand them going forward. Perhaps he should realize he's strong, but there will always be stronger out there--the story with the Helioskrill would be good for this by taking out the random hunter and having Oru use his wits to trap it or lure it to a bigger predator he can take the head from after. Or, perhaps replace that story with his success making him arrogant, and he spits on some peasant who asks him for help, which earns him sharp reprimand from those expecting him to be the next great kaidon, which drives him to be a just leader. For this or any part of the backstory leading up to where you want him to be, there should be something added to the character, some lesson or way they try to live, or there's not much point in expanding on it rather than getting to the point you want to have the character be at. I feel it's important to say this comes a lot closer to the mark for a successful GA nomination, so keep honing your article and it should be back for another go soon. That Damn Sniper 06:51, July 21, 2018 (UTC)

Andra-D054

 * Writer —
 * Nominator —
 * Date of Creation — May 25, 2017
 * Date of Nomination — September 12, 2018
 * Description — SPARTAN-III Delta Company's second-most-prominent Spartan. Spartan sharpshooter, budding explosives technician. Disciple of Joshua-G024. Best friend of Merlin-D032. Domestic abuse survivor. Likes anime.
 * Why — Two months. Close to three now. Good Article submissions have been less prominent recently, probably due to summer vacation and school for many. Andra-D054 has kindly kept to the shadows compared to Merlin-D032 since both their inceptions around May of last year. While Andra's biography has gone through enough backlogging that it's not in a place of great implementation, it's on its way there. That said, I think being at around 40k words is a decent start to apply for Good Article status. Also, the post above this one probably needs an update of its status section.
 * Status — Pending

Voting

 * 1) "Conspiring"'s only function in that first paragraph is just calling ONI sinister, which is a subjective assessment (no matter how right), and so could probably be cut. There's... a lot of confusion in the second paragraph; that her Spartan conscription saved her in '52, but she was orphaned in '53, and her "late" father implies he's already dead at the time of becoming abusive. The short dash could also be taken out of "emotionally-crushed" and "partial-mute". "Immediately" is misspelled. Curious you have the link to just Earth encompass more of the sentence than the word itself present. "Only" is repeated in the second to last sentence of the third intro paragraph; so, to refrain from too much play-by-play, there's a lot of grammatical hiccups I'd suggest a proofreading or peer revision of the article for, but I grant it's in an interesting framework. A lot of neat coding is stacked up, collaborations with other users both through Delta and directly with slowfuture's Josh, and the biography itself hasn't been prioritized, instead favoring the relationship and personality details about the character in a snapshot. I can only think how much or how little prose work I'd have done if I kept my character articles strictly to that snapshot format and depended on myself writing prose to get the stories of those characters across. The grammatical stuff is enough to hold back my vote for the moment what with things like the date conflicts, but all it'd take is one good revision to swing that change, I think. That Damn Sniper 06:04, September 13, 2018 (UTC)

Blake Karmyn

 * Writer —
 * Nominator —
 * Date of Creation — May 03, 2018
 * Date of Nomination — September 12, 2018
 * Description — The full-frontal tale of a young boy transforming into a Marine, into an ODST sharpshooter, into a SPARTAN-IV. German. Tough as nails. Wicked scar. Looks angry.
 * Why — LBK is another one of those users that has quickly integrated themselves into the Halo Fanon family, consistently on the site and improving on his craft. Blake Karmyn is easily turning into a fine SPARTAN-IV with his own identity and would make a strong contender for this year's Best Spartan Annual Award. Nothing but praise for the in-depth look at this character. That said, there are a few minor formatting issues and possibly spelling errors that could be looked into. A stray apostrophe or extra space here or there. No big deal. He already won a FOTM, why not give him a shot at GA too?
 * Status — Pending