Halo: Ruined FOREVER

"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."

- Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

<span style="font-weight: normal;" title="Completely seriously, the Halo "fanbase" has spent so much time worshipping the ground Bungie walks on that they simply cannot comprehend the reality of a Halo franchise without Bungie. The two are mutually exclusive - no Bungie, no Halo. It doesn't matter that the people working on it are talented professionals who are trying to deliver the best possible experience they can, balancing what makes Halo what it is against updating it so that it isn't left behind by its competition. The "fans" are utterly, utterly convinced that anything can only be a bad thing.'.">Fans realize something does not, that robust, while seemingly healthy, are in actuality as fragile as two bricks tied together with tissue paper. One mistake, one bad misstep will cause the entire thing to shatter and fall apart; and Halo would be ruined forever.

Fortunately, there is hope. The Halo fanbase has resolved to remain ever vigilant against something that could Ruin Halo Forever, and call out warning if they see something that could potentially do so.

Some Halo conservationists suggest a more extreme approach, that Halo should and instead. Though attractive, this approach may prove.

Ruined Forever remains a serious threat to Halo now and in the foreseeable future, though it's possible a proposed initiative requiring all Halo fans to purchase an annual "online offset" could ensure our fragile brand's existence through the mid-21st century.

Things that have Ruined Halo Forever in the past
"It's hard to help but think Bungie keeps doing what people ask and getting yelled at for it. People wanted a deeper story so they gave that in Halo 2 and people didn't like it. People wanted a powerful pistol and an MC-centric campaign, they did that in Halo 3 and people didn't like it (albeit the Halo 3 pistol is just a bad idea in general). People (not as many as for some of the other changes) wanted a toned-down or more personal Halo experience and a new character to play as and they were given that in ODST (and Reach although less so) and they didn't like it. People wanted a powerful pistol again, more atmosphere, and more challenge, and were given that in Reach, and still weren't satisfied. What was that quote from a vidoc around a year ago about spinning plates? I totally agree."

- General Vagueness, HBO Forums

1999

 * ignores the thundering cries of its fanbase for a fourth sequel, deciding to make  instead.

2000

 * The Halo: Combat Evolved E3 trailer is released to much anticipation, ruining the game forever before it even came out
 * Third-person shooter? Get out. Just...just leave.
 * Gauss Warthogs? Unacceptable! I banish thee until the stars align, the time is right, and Great Cthulhu rises from his dead slumber Halo 2 is released!
 * Marines that can drive human vehicles? Damnit man, that makes no sense! They shall drive Ghosts, and nothing else!
 * Robot Master Chief? BOOOOOOOOOOOO!
 * Bungie forges a Faustian pact with Microsoft the Devil, becoming a part of Microsoft Game Studios. In addition to claiming their souls, the agreement denies a generation of Mac users the greatest game of all time for their superior hardware. Ah, what might have been...

2001

 * Halo: The Fall of Reach is released, shedding much light on the Chief's past and opening up the Halo universe to an extent which it will never be seen in the games.
 * Recruiting children? But they're not Jedi!
 * Rebels? As in human enemies? Impossible!
 * The Spartans all died? Totally did not see that coming!
 * Halo: Combat Evolved is released, earning critical acclaim, forever ruining the Halo franchise.
 * No online multiplayer? Ruined forever, even if practically no other games had pioneered it yet.
 * Absolutely linear levels?
 * The is an overpowered godkiller, ruining the experience of countless people playing a game in their parents’ basement forever.
 * Why can't the Marines drive the vehicles? I'm sick of never getting shotgun!
 * Is...is Cortana naked? I legitimately cannot tell!
 * Oh for heaven's sake girl, go and put something warm on.
 * The AI is innovative and intelligent, preemptively ruining Halo forever when sequels fail to live up to it.

2002

 * The Halo: Combat Evolved soundtrack is released.
 * Epic music available for people to listen to on CDs? What are you thinking?
 * Xbox Live is released.
 * Of course it's released 1 year after the most AWESOME game of the 21st century is put out. Don't even lie, Microsoft. You were trolling the hell out of us.
 * Halo 2 announcement trailer? As in a Halo sequel? DO NOT WANT!

2003

 *  is rushed into production, William C. Deitz’s fantastic portrayal of and shedding light onto  proving insufficient for his portrayal of the Chief as a gung-ho space marine not to ruin the franchise forever.
 * Halo: First Strike is released, explaining how the Chief and his team are to get back to Earth after the destruction of Alpha Halo.
 * Johnson? But he was hugging !
 * That's the Arbiter the Chief fought, right? Don't even lie!
 * So some of the Spartans survived? No, the Chief is supposed to be the last Spartan alive!
 * But aren't you glad more of them are alive so humanity stands a better chan—
 * THE LAST SPARTAN ALIVE!
 * Time travel? NCF!
 * is released.
 * A Halo sequel? Nein nein nein nein nein nein nein nein nein...!
 * Dual-wielding? No, do not change anything from the original game!
 * Johnson's alive? I have never read a Halo novel, so this can't be!
 * "Sorry Gunny, it's classified." Hmph! MY ASS!
 * Two new Covenant species? This is unacceptable!
 * Brutes on Earth? This is unacceptable!
 * Why have I never seen this species before? I have never read a Halo novel, so this can't be!
 * ODSTs on their own planet Earth? Zis is unacceptable!
 * What the fuck are ODSTs? I have never read a Halo novel, so this can't be!

2004

 * i love bees is begun, an online advertising campaign that revolutionises viral marketing. It delivers a fantastic story, well-rounded characters, deepens the Halo universe, and is generally awesome. The final verdict? NOT CANON.
 * The highly awaited sequel to the original game, is released, ruining Halo forever even more.
 * Bungie change the Master Chief's armour. What was wrong with gloriously big and blocky? We don't want streamlined and smooth!
 * Halo 1 was perfect, so a sequel will automatically ruin everything we ever loved about it.
 * We don't care about the Arbiter, god, get back to the Chief! What do you mean, that's it?!
 * The pistol, which was perfect in every way, is replaced by the.
 * Marines can finally drive now! Except they drive like drunken badgers!
 * My god.
 * throws the Golden Tripod right out the window, ruining the experience for all “pro” players.
 * The AI consists of monkeys going batshit crazy.
 * The Covenant speak English? Why must you ruin Halo forever, Bungie?
 * If we wanted a cliffhanger, we’d watch Cliffhanger.
 * Online is introduced bringing the experience of Halo 2 to thousands of, depriving them of social lives or the chance to ever find a mate.
 * Master Chief wins the Worst Quote in Halo History Award when he says "Sir, finishing this fight."
 * Buggy piece of shit cutscenes? The devil you say!

2005

 * A website created by the Halo 2 clan BlackBoxRepublic merges with a Halo Wikia, becoming, an encyclopedia for all things related to Halo. This ruins the Halo Nation forever, worse than anything that ever happens to the franchise itself.
 * Wanting to expand upon the Halo 2 experience, Bungie decides to release, ruining Halo 2's multiplayer forever.
 * You want us to pay MONEY for this stuff? Awesome joke, guys...guys?
 * Extra multiplayer maps? Thank you, thank you, thank you, Bungie we love you, you are so awesome!
 * No, Bungie, why do you hate us? The multiplayer was fine, go make Halo 3 already!
 * We get the Auto-Updates on the disc? This is awesome, it makes it so wonderful and balanced now!
 * Auto-Updates with the disc? OMG, Bungie, the game was perfect before, why are you messing it up?!?

2006

 * Halo: Ghosts of Onyx is released, explaining what the other characters from its predecessor were up to while the Chief was saving the world.
 * SPARTAN-IIIs? I'm gonna fucking kill someone...
 * A Spartan officer? What's the worst that could happen?
 * I dunno, maybe some future semi-self-respecting Halo fanfiction site will be flooded with a million Spartan characters that are promoted to officers for no apparent reason?
 * Don't be ridiculous!
 * Oh, great cliffhanger. Almost as bad as the ending to Halo 2.
 * The announcement trailer for Halo 3 is released.
 * WHAT DID THEY DO TO CORTANA?!?!
 * They're corrupting her...and then they're going to corrupt me! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!
 * THE ARMOUR LOOKS A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
 * Ensemble release the announcement trailer for Halo Wars,
 * is announced. Being developed by the award-winning, it is instantly ruined forever just by not being Official Bungie Canon.
 * i love bees is embraced as canon? Just HOW [[file:high.gif|link=http://www.mspaintadventures.com/sweetbroandhellajeff/?cid=003.jpg]] do you even have to BE just to DO something like that......

2007

 * Halo: Contact Harvest is released, showing how the Human-Covenant war began, and also sheds some light on Avery Johnson's past.
 * A smart Grunt? There's a contradiction...
 * Brutes? But they weren't seen until 2552!
 * Jenkins? But...that means he's a Private for twenty-seven years! Wow, career advancement opportunities must be few in the UNSC.
 * Halopedia decides to export all their fan fiction to another Wikia site named Halo Fanon. This place for all picky, whiny, snot-nosed fans to congregate ruins Halo's fanbase forever.
 * Following the well-received Halo 2, rounds off the trilogy of the Master Chief, and apparently goes out not with a bang, but a whimper.
 * NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
 * Everything looks too different! Why can’t you keep everything the same but make them better Bungie? Why?
 * Third-person support weapons? What is this, Gears of War?
 * What do you mean no to fight?
 * The absolutely perfect Halo 2 Battle Rifle is replaced with an overpowered new one. Who do you think you are, Bungie?
 * throws the Golden Tripod right out the window, ruining the experience for all “pro” players.?
 * Miranda Keyes steals the Worst Quote in Halo History Award from the Chief with "To war."
 * Post-credits spoiler? FFFFFUUUUUUUU-
 * Miranda Keyes steals the Worst Quote in Halo History Award from the Chief with "To war."
 * Post-credits spoiler? FFFFFUUUUUUUU-

2008

 *  is announced, reusing the Halo 3 engine. Bungie begin the build-up to the announcement, which is then postponed – the fanbase reacts with raucous abuse.
 *  is released.
 * A book not written by Eric Nylund! Heresy! Blasphemy! BURN THE WITCH!
 * What about Dietz and Staten?
 * BURN THEM TOO!!!

2009

 * Award-winning developer Ensemble Studios releases Halo Wars, a real-time-strategy game, becoming the first external developer to ruin Halo forever.
 * The is too early! Even though nobody ever said it was a new weapon!
 * Does Microsoft even care anymore?
 * In my game? It’s more likely than you think!
 * WTF isn’t half-naked? You’re ignoring like ninety percent of your key demograph people! Gawd!
 * New vehicles? How dare you expand the sandbox to make balanced playable factions!
 * Bungie breaks away from Microsoft, selling Halo their souls in exchange for their freedom.
 * Microsoft announce the creation of to oversee the development of the Halo franchise, prompting coughed declarations of “cash cow” among many.
 * You're not my real dad Bungie!
 * is released after appalling publishing delays. It may have a good story, and awesome artwork, but it is still a sign that Microsoft doesn’t care and never did!
 * Halo 3: ODST is released.
 * We should be fighting Elites, not Brutes! Canon is ruined!
 * Flashbacks? What is this, Lost?
 * Why so much exploration before the action? Linear levels were so much better!
 * The absolutely perfect Battle Rifle is replaced with the M6C/S Pistol.
 * Playing as ODST homage’s to Firefly? I don’t care, I want my Spartans!
 * Firefight? If I wanted to kill Covenant, I’d play campaign.
 * No new multiplayer but still the same price? What is this heresy?
 * The is released, shedding light on darkened corners – though with so many errors that it is declared to have ruined Halo forever all on its own.
 * 343 Industries announce and begin to release, abandoning American animators and planting the flag of Halo on Japanese shores.
 * 343 Industries announce and begin to release, abandoning American animators and planting the flag of Halo on Japanese shores.

2010

 * Halo Legends is released on DVD.
 * don’t you even know what
 * How old are you, 343i, ten?
 * Stop killing Spartans like they're
 * You're messing up the number of SPARTAN-IIs that were killed almost as much as Bungie does! Now we get to bash you more than we bash Bungie!
 * Good night!
 * Your suck at covering up your fail attempts to expand on.
 * In our Halo? Nonsense! Halo has always been serious science fic-AHAHA I couldn't finish that sentence with a straight face.
 * is re-released with bonus content and minor tweaks. The original was perfect, and it has now been ruined forever, and was in no way a decade old and out of date.
 * ? Wtf is this shit?!!
 * Why did you not include new content from Reach even though you're not part of Microsoft and released the book before Reach came out! WHY?!!!!!
 * What happened to Halo 2? Microsoft discontinue the original Xbox LIVE servers? Noooooooo!!!
 * is re-released with bonus content and minor tweaks. The original was perfect, and it has now been ruined forever, and was in no way a decade old and out of date.
 * ? Wtf is this shit?!!
 * Why did you not include new content from Reach even though you're not part of Microsoft and released the book before Reach came out! WHY?!!!!!
 * What happened to Halo 2? Microsoft discontinue the original Xbox LIVE servers? Noooooooo!!!
 * , the final game to be lovingly crafted by Bungie, is released and ruins everything.
 * The Elites aren’t supposed to be scary!
 * Where’s the Master Chief?!
 * can't wear they wear, did you not even read that book that actually says nothing of the sort?
 * Nooooooo you're ruining the canon people Reach fell in one day why can you not do this right!
 * throw the Golden Tripod right out the window, ruining the experience for "pro" players.
 * Jetpacks? What am I, Boba Fett?
 * I am never going to like th-OHMYGODTHISISAMAZING!!!
 * Armor Lock. That is all.
 * Loadouts? What is this, Call of Duty?
 * The absolutely perfect Battle Rifle is replaced with the
 * The Pistol isn't exactly like the absolutely perfect original.
 * So much for Spartan allies because Noble Team has the worst AI ever! Carter spams Armor Lock, Jun keeps teamkilling us, Jorge won't rush out when we need him to, Emile thinks his shotgun is a sniper rifle, and and Kat can't drive!
 * Everyone else on Noble Team gets epic deaths, but Kat just gets shot through the head? But every Spartan deserves an epic death! It's not like war is unfair or anything!!
 * Halsey knows about other Spartans? Cortana’s still on Reach? Keyes makes a landing we didn’t hear about in that book that got released nine years ago? Don’t you even care about Canon anymore?
 * , They're Jackals, with the ability to dodge bullets evade attacks? FFFFUUUUUUUUU-
 * Colored visors? How dare you rip off one of our Spartan articles!
 * And one of our
 * Customizable armor in campaign? What's the worst that could happen?
 * I dunno, maybe every Halo Fanon user under six months of experience will start designing blatantly absurd armor layouts and colors?
 * Don't be ridiculous!
 * Wait, where are you going? Why do you hate us Bungie? Were we not good enough? Did we not love you enough? Why are you leaving us? Did we do something WRONG???

2011

 * is released, staying at #22 on the New York Times Bestseller list for two weeks. It deals with the Forerunners culture and history, and thus ruins an ancient enigmatic race forever.
 * Bungie intentionally created installations; why do you need more to work with? FFS can't you just leave things the way they are?!!?!??!!112
 * What? NOOOO!
 * You...you mean the Forerunners aren't human? But...but...
 * WHYYYYY?!
 * A is announced at E3. Obi-Wan Kenobi has to sit his old ass back down as thousands of voices cry out in terror, and are suddenly silenced.
 * The Hand of God M6D is back? DEATH TO FRANKIE!
 * It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal! You left out the original Halo multiplayer, reducing it to a Reach map pack, so you get NOTHING! You LOSE! GOOD DAY SIR!
 * But it would have competed with Reach, which is counterprod-
 * I SAID GOOD DAY!
 * OMG I AM TOTALLY NOT HYPING MYSELF UP TO BE LET DOWN LATER!
 * There's a Firefight map? And it doesn't have ? Worst. Game. Ever. Rest assured that I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.
 * The announcement of Halo Anniversary is followed by a trailer for : Electric Boogaloo.
 * 343i changed the Master Chief's armour. What was wrong with gloriously smooth and streamlined? We don't want big and blocky!
 * Forget the armour, what the hell happened to the Chief's codpiece? Is the tutorial a quest to visit the Codsmith and steal a "Hull of the Flagship"?
 * Why isn't there any new information? Why won't you tell us, 343i? If you don't hurry up, WikiLeaks the French will beat you to it!
 * anywhere near . 'Nuff said.
 * are reissued in new editions, with bonus content and canonical maintenance. Isn't that a good thing? You’d think so, but you'd be wrong.

2012

 * If I wanted to read, I'd read The Lord of the Rings. Again.
 * Title Update? ALL OF MY HATE!
 * McFarlane Toys release an image of the new and improved Halo 4 Master Chief.
 * 343i unveil the Master Chief, and details on Halo 4.
 * The public get a glimpse of actual in-game footage of the Chief in his new armour.
 * ...everything went better than expected.
 * No beta test? Nonsense, there's a signup right her-OHMYGODWHERESMYMONEYGOING?!?!
 * The absolutely perfect DMR is replaced with the Battle Rifle...OR IS IT?!
 * Is it BR55 or BR85? GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER GUYS!
 * I don't get the controversy over "perks". Everyone was asking for a COD piece!
 * The SPARTAN-IVs win the prize for most generically bland helmet of 2012.
 * Multiplayer being integrated into canon? You mean it's NOT been canon all this time? OH MY GOD...MY LIFE IS A LIE!!!
 * 343i declare war on . What's next, Friday?
 * No! I was kidding! I WAS KIDDING!!!
 * Recruiting of British actors for Halo 4 causes accusations of "OMG DATS RACIST."
 * is released.
 * Live action? Pah, it will never work.
 * An incredibly jingoistic ? Wow, faction ruined.
 * "Call me Master Chief." I cringed so hard I nearly died.
 * Kelly and Fred show up for about five seconds. 2/10 needed more Spartan action.
 * Gameinformer reveals that, surprise surprise, Halo 4 is going to ruin Halo forever. Are you noticing a pattern yet?
 * No Elites in multiplayer?! You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!
 * No Firefight? Don't you even know why people PLAY Halo?
 * Spartan Ops? 343i, Treyarch called and they want their originality bac-AHAHA oh who am I kidding, I couldn't finish that sentence with a straight face either.
 * Sprint is now permanent.
 * "Forerunner Vision"? Can I be Batman now?
 * Multiplayer is Red vs Blue Spartans fighting in training simulators. Confirmed: Master Chief's last name is Neo.
 * Well, he does kill thousands (millions?) of enemies, respawns periodically, and has an affinity for . And he still has more personality and is more engaging than Keanu Reeves.
 * Didact kills Dumbledore Cortana.
 * Randomised power weapon spawns. No respawn delay. Multiplayer is RUINED. FOREVER.
 * AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!
 * Ten minutes of beta test footage set to a shitty soundtrack is leaked to Youtube, revealing jack shit we didn't already know. Ruined for- oh. Oh, hang on, that...actually looks kind of fun.
 * Is that a grenade pistol? Why would a pistol shoot grenades? That's just silly.
 * 343i show off a level of gameplay at E3. Everything went...better than expected?
 * So apparently it looks like a Nintendo game called...Metro? Meteor? Meticulous? Optimus? Something Prime. I don't know, I didn't play the Gamecube. Did anyone?
 * Just when we all thought 343 Industries couldn't sink any lower, they make.
 * What is this...I don't...I can't...

2013

 * In a desperate attempt to escape Karen Traviss's sermons, Catherine Halsey abandons the franchise like a rat jumping off the Titanic.
 * This is a way the series ends. Not with a bang, but a whimper (of "what the hell just happened?")
 * Halo jumps the shark through flaming hoops and a ten car pileup when Microsoft announces a TV series. Not content with Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Steven Spielberg decides to flush the rest of his career by signing up to produce it.
 * The horse is dead, Microsoft. You can stop beating it!
 * Microsoft publish an entire game about Sarah Palmer. 'Nuff said.
 * Microsoft publish an entire comic series about Sarah Palmer. 'Nuff said.
 * Microsoft release an expansion to the game about Sarah Palmer.
 * 343 release a moving tribute to their first Halo game.
 * The Infinity engages in a little gunboat diplomacy and are attacked by alien Al Qaeda.

2014

 * Halo: Mortal Dictata happened. Nothing happened.
 * Rumours grew of a shadow in the east. Whispers of a nameless fear. 343 percieved...it's time had come.
 * Cortana can now tell thousands of people that that cave is not a natural formation. Someone built it, so it must lead somewhere
 * Halo jumps the shark through flaming hoops and a ten car pileup (AGAIN) when Microsoft announces a . Not content with Prometheus, Ridley Scott decides to flush the rest of his career by signing up to produce it.
 * 343i announce . Not enough anthropomorphised holidays, zero stars.
 * Brian Reed you motherfucker. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID.
 * What's this? A multiplayer beta?
 * IRON SIGHTS? What is this, Call of Halo?
 * This actually looks kinda cool NO
 * Five Halo games on one disk? That's a disaster waiting to happen.
 * WE WERE RIGHT!!!
 * Not pasting new skins over the old engine for cutscenes in Halo 2 Anniversary? Blasphemy!
 * The new cutscenes look amazing though. Every minor change made was bad and has therefore ruined the game.
 * 343i thinks people still care about Gabriel Thorne. We don't.
 * 343i thinks people won't care if they kill off an entire SPARTAN-II team. We do.
 * The Didact's attempts at filling every supervillain cliche ever continue. I mean, really?
 * The Halo Channel is announced. Oh wait, it's for Xbone and Windows 8.1 users, never mind.
 * The Didact get his ass composed. I'm sure he's gone forever now, right guys? Right?
 * The SPARTAN-IV's continue to suck as Thorne gets captured again.
 * WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE THINGS?
 * is released. As nobody really cares about the ancient Sangheili, nothing about the story matters to anyone. Plus no one on the site actually read it.
 * is released.
 * Bringing an back from the dead. What the fuck, 343i?
 * Killing off said Spartan. What the fuck, 34i?
 * A The '?' If 343i has already jumped the shark then this is jetpacking over a fucking Megalodon right here.
 * Hunter worms? How the are they supposed to be sca- HOLY SHIT!
 * Who the hell does this 'Locke?' guy think he is, anyway? It's almost like he's being built up as a protagonist of sorts...

Things that will no doubt Ruin Halo Forever in the future

 * Expanding the target audience to bring in more fans.
 * Keeping future installments too close to the original style. Branch out!
 * Changing future installments too much. The original was perfect!
 * Remakes of PERFECT GAMES.
 * Halo: The Movie, starring Vin Diesel as the Master Chief, Will Smith as Sergeant Johnson, and Angelina Jolie as Cortana.
 * Halo: The Movie, starring Vin Diesel as the Master Chief, Will Smith as Sergeant Johnson, and Angelina Jolie as Cortana.


 * Really, anything 343 Industries do at this point, even if especially if they don't deserve it.
 * An unpleasable fanbase.