Halo Fanon talk:Good Articles/Nomination

Any discussions not relating to a specific nomination must be placed HERE or it will be removed without notice. Please note that only the Panel Moderator may update the status of a nominated article once voting has begun.

How-to
Nominations MUST follow every requirement set forth in this section HERE, refusal to do so will result in your nomination being removed from consideration. To submit an article for candidacy in the Good Articles project, please use the format seen below:

ARTICLE NAME

 * Writer —
 * Nominator —
 * Date of Creation — Month Day, Year
 * Date of Nomination — Month Day, Year
 * Description — Describe the Good Article candidate in an effective way with as few words as possible.
 * Why — In your opinion, why should this article be granted the honor of Good Article status?
 * Status — The present status of the article as a Good Article candidate (FOR JUDICIARY PURPOSES ONLY!)

Grono 'Yendam

 * Writer -
 * Nominator -
 * Date of Creation - January 7th, 2018
 * Date of Nomination - February 11th, 2018
 * Description - Once a righteous Sangheili warrior, Grono 'Yendam realized that honour can only get you so far, before going rogue.
 * Why - I know it is very early to submit an article of this age, but I want to see what you guys have to say about it, and see what I can do to get it to GA status if it does not make it there. Feedback away!
 * Status - GA status granted.

Voting

 * 1) Good on you for being proactive about getting the feedback you need to continue developing. Well, it's certainly got length, image, and format requirements down. Going as I read, "Whereabouts" should probably be "Sources" or the sentence otherwise reworked. The anecdote about meeting Nak could probably be expanded upon, if only a little since we have the character play into Grono's story later; he just humiliated a young noble, and that's not going to be viewed as insignificant. Whether there's a vengeful response to protect the Kaidon's familial reputation or a lack thereof because the Kaidon is just and wishes Nak to learn humility, it could be stated, and whether his own uncles are proud or lecture him because they fear reprisal, as well. I find it a little odd Grono's trained after being assigned to a Fleet, since every Sangheili child is supposedly taught to fight, but there'd probably be some more precise training to be a soldier in a, which you could work in just by changing a little terminology. There are definitely some sections where your level of detail gets too far into the nitty-gritty because you're trying to tell a story you aren't planning to write in prose, which is an issue I raise a lot regarding character articles. I would advise you to summarize the sides of an argument when one occurs, and not give a play-by-play of dialogue and responses, saving any particular lines you have in mind for Quote or Dialogue templates. The same with some of the fights you describe; all we need is who came out on top and how close it was, and if you really want to emphasize its importance, adjectives describing how long or hard-fought it was. If you really want to give an account blow by blow of a fight you have in mind, you can always write it up as a short prose piece. I actually like that your Personality and Traits section seems to recap a lot of events in the bio and point out conclusions, as an article about a canon character would do. Overall, I'm comfortable enough to support it as the content here is well-written, with attention paid to avoiding simple spelling mistakes, and has format down pat, but I would really push for some cutting down of detail, especially if most of the Human-Covenant War information is meant as backstory to a character you want to use primarily as a post-war mercenary. That Damn Sniper 01:01, February 15, 2018 (UTC)
 * 2) Sniper seems to have covered most points in the article in his comment above, though I do have a few minor gripes. There's a number of run-on sentences (unless you're making a list you shouldn't have any more than around two commas per sentence) and the infobox could be better formatted - capitalise things like his eye colour and bullet-point any lists - I'd say that this is definitely of GA quality. Well done!
 * 3) This is a hard call for me. I really like the content here: Grono's growth as a character is well thought out and the interactions with other characters feels organic in a way that I don't often see in articles. However I can't overlook the formatting issues, particularly with run on sentences and unnecessarily capitalized words. As Sniper points out above, there are a lot of play-by-play descriptions of events that could be summed up with more brevity. I recommend a full proofread to cut down on these issues--it's nothing a careful reading of the full article can't fix.

Sarah-184

 * Writer —
 * Nominator —
 * Date of Creation — April 27, 2016
 * Date of Nomination — February 14, 2018
 * Description — A former Class II washout who underwent rehabilitation to become a Spartan once more, spending her life as a Spartan recruit, an ODST, a SPARTAN-II, and a SPARTAN-IV, Sarah is in my opinion on the best Class II SPARTAN articles we have on this wiki, and a well-written one at that, being a FotM winner and a former AA nominee itself.
 * Why — I think in my opinion Tim mainly deserves credit how he used only a short duration of time to elaborately expand Sarah's page, surprising the likes of many. That being said, Tim has done a really great job in fleshing out Sarah as a person, how she handled the changes in her life from a trainee to an ODST to a SPARTAN. One of my two objections with the article would be Tim's rather unusual idea of image placement, but even then, it neatly and properly breaks text walls from getting too big, while keeping the page's looks more lively. The other one would be redundancy in using multiple CSV templates for her separated careers, but these two are really nothing in the grandeur of the page itself.
 * Status — Nomination failed.

Voting

 * 1) Unfortunately, I'm going to have to oppose this one. It's of good length and decently written, but the formatting needs some work. I'm not sure if having the images in the center of the page is a stylistic choice or not, but it proves very distracting when reading through the article. I would also recommend a general proofread of the page; though I didn't find any egregious grammar issues several sentences have awkward wording. There are some bits handling Sarah's character development, but for the most part it consists of battle descriptions strung together rather than a narrative that builds on who Sarah is as a character.
 * 2) I'm afraid I'll have to agree with Actene's points here. The page could really do with some reformatting and proofreading to improve its quality to GA standard.
 * 3) The first thing I'd do is shrink the infobox image down to take up less than half the page, using "|300px" inside the brackets linking to the image, because its height makes it dominate the page upon first viewing it. I'd also move the multiple names from appearing under the image to the Name slot in the infobox, as they look better as an alias list when they're aligned left down there instead of centered with their differing lengths above. I'm also in agreement with the above points about images in the body of the article, as they provide wide breaks in the text which pull the reader out by making them have to seek the next part; feel free to ask around or peek at the code of other articles to see how to align and shrink them. I also have to concur with the awkwardness of some text things; to get you started, strike that first comma after the name, and for flow, I'd recommend cutting the second sentence and adding a note about working with the program again where it's appropriate chronologically. I think the main thing really is pervasive convention errors, like "to" in place of "too", odd commas, and sentences oddly phrased. They're enough to keep me supporting for now, but the good news is I don't see anything in her story I'd consider bordering NCF, so with some ironing out of wrinkles, I could see her being back to earn the GA icon very soon. That Damn Sniper 05:25, March 7, 2018 (UTC)
 * 4) I'm gonna have to agree with the others here. From a writing standpoint there isn't much to complain about, aside from the character development gripes Actene brought up which I will have to concur with, but in its current state the formatting is not up to par, as has been stated. I am also confused as to why the page is named Sarah-184 if that's not the name she identifies herself with. On Halopedia, we have Kurt's page named as Kurt Ambrose, not Kurt-051, and Osman's page as Serin Osman, not Serin-019. Additionally, you should absolutely not have four CSVs one after the other; they should at least be in a tabber IMO. And the entire point of a CSV is to condense a soldier's service history down into one single simple, easily digestible document; splitting their career up into four of them defeats the entire purpose. So I am definitely going to have to say no to this one, at least until some major reworking is done to the page itself.

Jez 'Varum

 * Writer —
 * Nominator —
 * Date of Creation — February 14, 2016
 * Date of Nomination — February 28, 2018
 * Description — Jez 'Varum was a loyal Sangheili who faced problems on his homeworld Qikost, which caused a huge duel and his banishment from the planet. Joining the Covenant, he began to doubt its beliefs battle by battle before breaking away during the pivotal Battle of the Repository, allying with the Swords of Sanghelios. He was an important figure as he helped Thel make a better Sanghelios, and was a well-known Sangheili to many.
 * Why — Honestly, I think if I work more on this article, it'd deserve its GA status even more, but as of now, I feel it's pretty good as well. Jez was a fun character to write—being my first try at a Sangheili character infact—even winning last year March's Fanon of the Month status and getting nominated as Best Sangheili Character in HF's 2017 Annual Awards. My primary objective here was to get more critique and feedback from the GA panel judges, and possibly even win GA status as an added bonus, because why not?
 * Status — Granted GA status.

Voting

 * 1) Just for future reference, you should nominate pages for Good Articles because you believe they have a level of quality that deserves it, not just because you want critique on your page with the GA award as an afterthought. That aside, the page is of good quality, though I'd be wary of making things too descriptive in an article; the part where Jez fights Fenr reads more like the kind of blow-by-blow account you'd get in a story instead of a brief description of how the fight went and its outcome that could fit into about half a paragraph instead of nearly two. Also, try to limit information on battles to things Jez is directly involved with. I used to have a similar issue where I'd describe parts of a battle that the character itself wasn't there for; a brief overview is fine for context, just try to include only the things that are relevant to your character though.
 * 2) I find myself more lenient regarding the submission for feedback angle, since GA doesn't get a whole lot of nominations at one time, but should that ever change, something like a revival of the Critical Review board working on a submission basis might not be out of place. Anyway. I think the tag for that quote could be reworded to eliminate the "to him", which makes the sentence a little odd. The first paragraph of the intro I think is pretty vague and could probably be done entirely without, since it adds up to stating his life's story is different than that of the Sangheili ideal. Which, within the next line is sorta contradicted, as every Sangheili wants to be a warrior and the Covenant is the main outlet for that, so they're all very interested in it. "kicking him out" I find a more distinctly human phrase than something like "expelled", which isn't a requirement but something neat to see when reading a Sangheili article, choosing diction that sets you more in the mood of alien viewpoints. I'm surprised you don't have him buy into the Covenant religion from the beginning; the Covenant religion is taught on Sanghelios, even the older ones being based on the same Forerunner ruins as the San'Shyuum based theirs on, so it's more likely he'd have grown up taught it. There are some sentences, like "In this, the other states were being destroyed." which do the job of describing what's going on fine, but don't do much beyond that and I know you're capable of better. I'm in agreement with Brodie on the fight's descriptive length; I know you want to let it run long to give it significance, but that emphasis could be better accomplished with build-up and a concise description that gets across that it went back and forth and ended brutally. "So aren't we." really should be "Neither are we." Overall, I think the ideas are fine, but the articulation of them into writing just isn't on GA level yet, and I know CB is capable of it as seen on pages like Tyler-A319. A once-over rewrite from him, though, and I could see it coming back to have my support. That Damn Sniper 09:21, March 9, 2018 (UTC)
 * 3) A tough call for me, but although I agree with Snipers syntax and grammar corrections I feel that this article's strengths outweigh its faults. I really like the visual presentation in this article and while the story itself could definitely use some trimming and a proofread I felt very much attuned to Jez's character development while reading it and at the end of the day that's the core of what I'm looking for in an article.
 * 4) While I too have a number of issues with this article, I don't think that any are glaring enough to warrant a vote of opposition. The article is overall well laid-out and is pleasant to read, and while I agree with Sniper's wording nitpicks, they are at the same time exactly that: nitpicks. However, there are some things that stood out to me personally that I would like to see changed. The first is that the personality section states that "Jez was, however, known to have taken a few decisions in rage and/or seeking honor... While most of these decisions proved to be luckily advantageous, Jez tried to control himself as much as he can while full of anger and rage." This is a cop out. If your character flaw is for the most part an advantage, then it's not really a character flaw. Additionally, there are very few instances in warfare in which acting blindly in anger will get you anywhere except killed, so I have a very hard time believing that this trait could ever prove advantageous in all but the most niche of circumstances. Additionally, acting in a manner contrary to common sense in the interest of upholding personal or familial honor is pretty much a species-wide trait for the Sangheili, so I would personally strive to make his personal character flaw[s] a bit more unique to him specifically. The other thing that stood out to me is the mention of "Covenant Separatists", which stuck me as odd because AFAIK the Covenant Separatists haven't been a thing since at least the release of Halo 4. Overall, however, as I said previously I can't see anything significant enough to warrant a vote against from me.

Redmond Venter

 * Writer —
 * Nominator —
 * Date of Creation — April 14, 2010
 * Date of Nomination — March 22, 2018
 * Description — A street urchin who grows from a troubled youth, to an elite UNSC operator, to an infamous insurrectionist commander whose actions are felt throughout the galaxy.
 * Why — Venter is one of the key players in Actene's vast cast of characters, Venter is the epitome of a complex character, who's motivations and actions are just well written enough to keep him sympathetic and compelling. Seeing his development build through the article, as well as seeing where he ends up in Actene's other pages, gives him an incredibly interesting arc. Plus, in addition to having his own stories to tell, the humanization of the Hound Unit provided in this article has totally altered how I watch RvB, and that's pretty damn cool. As far as villains go, he's among my favorite on site, and is well deserving of GA in my opinion.
 * Status — Nomination pending.

Voting

 * 1) Meets length, image, and conventions requirements. Having read through the article just about every time Actene's made a substantial addition, I'm familiar enough with it to know I haven't got any error complaints. Having not yet reached even the Mamore phase, the article has a long way to go, more backstory being detailed than chronicling of what's occurred in prose stories, but as such, the events of those tales can be read in the story pages, while the article gives a deeper look at the character's background. And even thus far, it makes for a heck of a story in its own. That Damn Sniper 01:36, March 23, 2018 (UTC)
 * 2) Venter is a page I've been aware of since my earlier days on the site, and having seen Actene's constant rewrites and improvements on the page over the years to bring it up to its current level I think it's a good pick for GA. It's a great read and I highly recommend it to all users looking for inspiration on how to write a compelling rebel character.

Jay-I425

 * Writer —
 * Nominator —
 * Date of Creation — June 7th, 2017
 * Date of Nomination — March 25th, 2018
 * Description — A Spartan who has gone through plenty of battles, Jay-I425 has fought both Covenant and Insurrectionists. Going through many variations of missions, he is extremely devoted to his team. Even his death was to save his team.
 * Why — While there are certain parts that are still a little unpolished, I believe I at least have managed to improve most bits of the article that were reasons for the article being opposed earlier. While I'm still a bit unsure, I think it might be good for Good Article status.
 * Status — Nomination pending.

Voting

 * 1) Well, I'm glad to see more images used in the article since its last nomination, though it wouldn't hurt to put a few aligned left instead of right to give some variety, at whatever rate you think makes for a nice balance. There has been a substantial amount of content added as well, but looking back to my comments from November, length was never a problem I had; small but persistent issues with sentences such as extra commas and grammatical hiccups were, and what was there before has gone through little revision. If you'd like, I could provide the proofreading to show what exacting standards I'm looking for. As for the additions, I feel you addressed Sev's prior comment about a lack of detail, but may have overcorrected; in sections like Shieldum and Falaknuma, you're describing fights punch-for-punch, which is closer to what should be in a story instead of an article. The attack by an Elite in Shieldum is really inconsequential--if they were attacked, say they dealt with it, and if it's really important to the story, include one detail like how he managed to wound a teammate, but what should be important is stating the impact of the fight on their mission. Did it get them spotted and an alarm raised? If not, why is this fight even important to talk about aside from detailing a fight more fit for a story version of the events? I was also concerned last time by the abduction of a brother and sister side by side, which hasn't changed; not that I'm demanding you change your story to suit me to earn GA standing, but I do feel that taking two related children for the same unit needs justifying. Maybe the Incognito program is really desperate for recruits, which would be fine if they're a very secretive program that can't reveal itself to ask for more resources, but it needs to be stated when Jay or Jayne, as siblings, might one day decide not to complete a mission which could save millions if it means saving their sibling. Beyond that, while I'm still wary of Incognito Company as a concept just to facilitate -I### Spartan tags, which could open a floodgate for -W25 and -X33 tags like they're pulled from Halo 3, I'm willing to let it slide for the amount of work you've put into that concept, and that it hasn't truly broken any establishment of canon. Given the team of what appear to be your main characters are then removed from that company a la Noble, however, I'd still strongly recommend converting Jay and Anchor Team into Alphas and Betas. I started with my own characters from an original class, the S-II Betas, way back when, and while converting them was a pain, it paid off a lot for me since then, so do consider it. That Damn Sniper 22:35, March 26, 2018 (UTC)

The Silent Garden

 * Writer —
 * Nominator —
 * Date of Creation — March 9th, 2018
 * Date of Nomination — April 3rd, 2018
 * Description — A faster-than-light communications array built within the deep digital sea that is the Forerunner Domain. Its origins are unknown. How it functions is also unknown. However, it's calling out to be used and calling out to expand. It wants to grow, encompass the galaxy once again. With great power, there is a great mystery.
 * Why — It just won Fanon of the Month. It might be too early to be submitting this article for Good Article status but it just about finished as far as I can tell. I'll leave that decision up to you guys on the panel. May I emphasize that ya'll pass any grammar or plotting errors you might detect? Thank you.
 * Status — Nomination pending.

Voting

 * 1) Article does meet length, image, redlink, and creation date requirements, so on to content. Given it lacks an infobox (which, fair, I can't immediately think of an infobox type that would cover this subject), I'd recommend putting the first image after the quote, so the opening quote itself really stands out to get the viewer's attention as soon as they've clicked in, as it does handle a fair bit of introduction to the article's concept. A lot actually, as the intro paragraphs themselves are more commentary on how Humans and Covenant have handled Forerunner tech than definition for this specific concept. I'd normally take issue with that, but for this specific subject, I kinda like how you have to look elsewhere for a real understanding. Also, "technological" should probably have an -ly in the first proper paragraph. The Terminology section is also really helpful, and useful in its up-front placement, not only by defining terms used ahead for us, but also grounding them in what we know by referencing the 'Cortana moments'. The whole thing is a great storytelling concept, enabling things like a dream state with potentially heightened stakes for a character's introspection. That Damn Sniper 23:50, April 4, 2018 (UTC)