User blog comment:Mark-118/The Stranded SPARTAN/@comment-175694-20100514001246

Writing in the present-tense pisses me off. I don't know why, but it is *really* weird to read articles written in the present-tense.

You're not even supposed to write novels/stories in the present-tense anyway. <_<

Oh, and you want my serious review on this story? Praise doesn't do good, and I don't want to cushion the blow. It sucks. Here's how you can fix it:

1. Never butcher a back story like that again. Write for your audience; we know about Halo. Since this seems like a short, you don't need to even mention the back story. If you're going to bring it up, try to bring it up in dialog.

2. Write in past-tense for my sanity and your own.

3. Dialog is a new paragraph in and of itself; hit the enter button when you write up a piece of dialog.

4. When writing, try to write out the number: instead of saying "4 grenades", say "four grenades".

5. Don't make up a new weapon. Ever. Just... don't.

6. We don't need time stamps for every sentence.

7. Oh, we don't need to know every detail about is armor. Techno-porn is discouraged in writing, as it just detracts from the story telling.

That's all I have for now.