Halo Fanon:The Weekly

The Weekly is a community project in the form of a series of micro-fiction contests, inspired by the discontinued Community Writing Competitions on Halo Waypoint. Each week, users can challenge themselves to write a short (few hundred words, usually) prose response to a prompt chosen at the start of the week by the competition's judge. At the week's end, the judge selects a winner to receive a shiny new Weekly Winner eraicon on their entry's page, and the entry will then be displayed on Recent Changes for the next week for all to easily see and read.

The project was conceived in response to a long-standing downturn in prose writing on the site, in hopes of encouraging more prose by presenting a painless, easily-attainable length as a target instead of a hopelessly-long novel length. The ideas the writers incorporate to hone their craft under such constraints might then become the seeds for events their own characters go through, or even be worked into whole other long stories.

How To Participate
At the beginning of each week, a new prompt will be posted on this page, including a maximum word count, for users to write in response to. Working with in the length and topic restraints (which could have to do with theme, or subject, or writing style like "only dialogue"), users then write their response and create a new page on which to post it. Remember to include a Writer Template (" ") at the top and categorize it "The Weekly" ("  ") at the bottom. A paragraph at the top can be added to introduce the piece and context for it without going towards the word count, so long as there's a horizontal line (" ") between to make set them apart distinctly.

Then, simply add a link to your entry's page in the scrollbox for the appropriate week for it to be counted. The judge (User:Ahalosniper) will then read the entries at the end of the week, verifying they fit the prompt and word count, and pick a winner for the week. Bear in mind, the judge's decision may be based on subjective judgements, but good spelling, grammar, and punctuation go a long way towards impressing by presenting a professional and easy-to-read appearance. Winners will then be given a unique Weekly Winner eraicon and displayed on the Recent Changes page.

Users can also visit the talk page to suggest prompts and topics for future weeks.

Week 1: FIRST!
Prompt: For the first time trying this out, why not have something that matches thematically with something new? In 300 words or less, write something that details a first time for a character, whether it's the first time a character takes a life, or comes face to face with the Covenant, or something more personal. An (ineligible) example is provided to give you a guide to how you should format when adding an entry. Have some fun with it! Cutoff for this challenge is the night of Saturday, January 16th, 2015. Entries=

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 * Choice by
 * What I get from this story is that Ania's making a choice, to either spare the Unggoy (and possibly other?) stowaways, or kill them to ensure she saves herself. Naturally, with the word limit, there's not much room for context, but if it were to be expanded, I'd like to know why Ania considers Unggoy lives at all, when some Sangheili we've seen will through Unggoy out an airlock for complaining. Also, the choice she makes is a little unclear. I assume her last line of dialogue means she intends to spare her hitchhikers, but part of me says she could be talking to herself.
 * Weakness by
 * You're missing some punctuation around the dialogue, there. Periods at the end and commas where they meet the prose. So this is the first time Tal's given his berserker drugs, though I'm not sure if it's Red Sand, given the name and that this substance was injected. Because that's the focus, I'm surprised a larger fraction of the word limit wasn't given to describing it flowing through his body from the injection point. Elites do have two hearts pumping blood, but even then, it seems to take effect very suddenly.
 * Vengeance by
 * A general piece of advice commonly given for writing is to show, not tell, and I think this entry could benefit very well from that. There's a clear story to it, with Carl's first kills, but very little description to help us see and feel what's going on. For example, Carl's father gesturing; I'm not sure what sort of a gesture says that or what it looks like. Describing how his arm moved would better get across what's going on, using sensory details.
 * The Quiet by
 * Conversely, here's a piece with very little happening, but a lot of sensory detail. We experience everything through our senses, so describing things in terms of images or sounds or even smells go a long way towards making a reader able to envision something through text. I also want to call out the couple details which hint at other things without needing to take up time in the word limit to specifically state them; mainly that by the wine glasses we know one character's had much more to drink than the other, and that cigarettes are a classic film school technique for implications I'll leave you to discover. Perhaps in part because of I can use the fact these strategies were employed as a teaching opportunity, that makes this one my pick of the week.
 * Just A Job by
 * Repetition can be a useful tool to emphasize one particular detail or thought, as seen here. Everything in the piece relates to the first-time act of this character murdering a fellow serviceman, including his justifying it to himself and to the reader, which seems to break down near the end as he realizes he wouldn't, and likely won't, forgive himself. It's also a neat look into how time and length of text can relate to each other, as this uses all 300 words to cover the span of maybe a second or two of in-world time. It's also missing a "could" which would put it over the limit, but I'm gonna overlook that, judge's authority.
 * Shot At Dawn by
 * While the entry is far over the word limit, I can still respond to it. For my part, I usually put thoughts of characters in italics rather than quotation marks, because then the thoughts look exactly the same as dialogue and are hard to distinguish, especially when the dialogue tag, the part that tells who's saying/thinking it, comes after the line/thought, like with Sanok's first thought here. In the same vein, since the thought is stylized in the same way as dialogue, there are a couple instances here where different characters speak (or think) in the same paragraph with each other, which can make it hard to keep track of who's saying what. Something for consideration.
 * Graduation Present by
 * An excellent choice for the prompt, as it's the first appearance of something fairly major to the character's ongoing story that doesn't demand such an introduction, just found one conveniently in this project's prompt. It also does a neat job of doubling down on the prompt, as it's not just the first time Simon and Jian are introduced to the armor, but the first time Simon has something that he can call definitively his own, at least since he began training, anyway.
 * Eclipse by
 * I feel a bit more show could be done here, but I like that this piece takes the approach of the Covenant being terrifying upon first-time encountering, since Halo 5's opening cutscene kinda cuts down any reason to fear the average Covenant soldier completely. If you wanted to take this even further, I might suggest having it be something as low as Jackals or Grunts that are causing him problems, bringing those guys back to the point of Fall of Reachs beginning where they overwhelmed and slaughtered Helljumpers.

Week 2: No 'I' in Team
Prompt: You’ve heard that old ‘strength of the wolf is the pack’ bit before, right? Well, in 500 words or less, bumping the limit up by a bit, let's see you put that bit of wisdom to use, showing off characters working together whether by force or by choice. With Halo 5’s emphasis on co-op, a Spartan team working together could be prime material, but other less-conventional team-ups have plenty of opportunity to be interesting. A Spartan with an AI, for example, or humans working with Covenant species, and no one says the partnership has to go well. What partnerships give you the most ideas to write about? Deadline for this challenge is midnight on Saturday, January 23rd, 2015 (Pacific Time).

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 * War games by
 * A very straightforward approach to the topic, literally taking on teamwork as a series of military maneuvers, and I appreciate that there's sort of a connection to the War Games on Infinity, though I don't see a definite confirmation that's where they are. What I have trouble with, though, is the lack of named or identified characters. I realize this was a definite choice by the author, but I don't think it works best. Without someone to empathize with, even just seeing through the eyes of as a point-of-view character without a name, there's no one with an ongoing story who's gonna retain the lessons learned of the piece's events or have any character growth as a result. This training exercise, then, becomes something that happened after which everyone went back to their daily lives. If there's not ongoing effects of the events, or a character who we get to understand or see change a bit from them, what's there to make the reader care about those events?
 * Talista Nights by
 * There's very little context for this piece, not just because there's not a header, but because the articles of the characters involved have nowhere near reached that point in either case, so I'll share what I know and say this is two rogue Spartans, S-II and an S-III, meeting up what seems for one of their first times. What takes center-stage is the combat, and so the teamwork element comes in the form of comparing how each one fights. As you'd expect, Riker has a lot more raw brawn at his disposal to throw around than Dyne, which is noticeable, but since writing's not a visual medium, I think some more explicit description of the fact could've helped with the impressions. For example, saying, "Riker was all brawn, throwing a punch, while Dyne used their numbers against them by dodging in between" etc etc.
 * Enemies Old and New by
 * Now here's a good example of that character change occurring, or if not change, at least an interesting point for one of the characters because she has inner conflict going on that's on display for the reader. Suitably, that conflict springs from the topic at hand, which is her teaming up; specifically with an Elite, who S-IIIs like Cassandra naturally aren't too keen on letting live, nevermind fighting other humans with, but she's able to set even a grudge that deep aside for the time being. That's the kind of ongoing conflict a reader gets interested in seeing go on and resolve, which I do believe makes it my pick of the week.
 * Teamwork by
 * I like that with the Jackals' use of a phalanx you've had the teamwork angle show up twice over, though I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be something new as Fall of Reach had them doing the same. Then again, it could very well be the first time for this character, and I'm not sure what year this is taking place, so it's not that it's really out of place. The action, however, feels very much like it's from straight out of playing the games. Anyone who's played (and I figure a few around here have) knows the mechanical process shooting a Jackal's arm in the notch of their shield becomes, but it doesn't necessarily make for good reading. "three supercombine explosions" and "shot the last Jackal" tell us what happened, but don't show us. Heck, the supercombines could make for a load of good images, "bursting into clouds of bloody pink haze" and such.
 * The Error by
 * Obviously, we're getting some second-guessing by Xiphos of Andrew's leadership here, which is why I'm not sure with some of the later "Yessir" response and his forgetting the name of a formation, we don't get some effected groans on behalf of the team. One supposes it's because they're Spartan trainees and they're learning already to follow orders even when they don't agree with them, but then there's no commentary on that either. This entry does hit the word limit exactly, though, so I imagine it could be a space consideration.
 * Distraction by
 * You've done a good job here with getting into Dahm's head as he's under the pressure of keeping a criminal with potential murderous intent calm. He's worried about the potential outcomes, and has an eye on the ongoing progress of his fellow officers as they get closer to the point where the burden's no longer on his shoulders, but we don't get much from those other officers. They've got parts they're playing in the same operation, but the focus is mainly on Dahm as he's just waiting for the others to take over, at which point he steps away. There's teamwork going on, but it's not the most direct between two parties we're getting characterization from.

Week 3: There Are Many Like It
Prompt: Tools are very personal things. Habits form around them, and humans at least are creatures of habit. For example, maybe there's a pen you have that needs to be scribbled with a bit to make the ink start running. Tools can tell a lot about a person, for example a Spartan tailoring their weapon to their exact preferences or a wealthy individual having even their shirt buttons come from the finest brass; and vice versa, tools can sometimes effect their owners as they adapt to using them. In 500 words or under, give us a scene of your character using their particular tools of choice, and think about how those tools might lend some insight into who they are and how they do what they do with their tools. Could be their favorite gun, or an old wrench, or anything else. Could even flip the prompt by having the tool in question be a standard-issue weapon which they have no attachment to, and reflect somehow on that.

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 * My New Right Arm by
 * Neat use of the title as the last line. It brings the piece back around nicely in a matter-of-fact way that follows, at least in my experience, how dealing with painful moments can go. Stability to instability and back again. However, there could be some proofreads done here and there. Sometimes it's a mis-used, rather than misspelled, word that might not show up in Microsoft Word as a mistake; "join" instead of "joint", "loose" instead of "lose", etc. Those are just little errors, though; what I'd see to more is sometimes sentences go on for too long. For example, the first sentence seems strange when that last phrase beyond the second comma is added, because that's another complete sentence and seems strange strung together. I've got a tendency to do that kind of thing myself, thinking one phrase sounds good coupled with another, the end of which sounds good coupled with another, until I've got a train of them too long all together.
 * Who The Hell Names Their Gun? by
 * I see that Game of Thrones reference, and I'll allow it. Zoey more angry she's caught than embarrassed, Simon never quite grateful, as an older brother to a younger sister I can confirm they're certainly in character for siblings. The quick change for Zoey at the end, though, the implication she's been playing at remorse the whole time, does throw me just a little, though, giving me a younger impression of her than I usually have. But then, with our timelines the way they are, who can tell who's how old when anymore, eh? What with word limits, consider if this is ever used in a longer work Zoey getting angry and storming off with the etching unfinished, and Simon then finishing it himself and Zoey seeing it completed. What'd that mean for each of them?

Week 4: Flat Tire
Prompt: One of the pivotal moments of Halo: Combat Evolveds development was when the designers managed to get just one vehicle, the classic Warthog, working on the beach of Assault on the Cartographer. Just driving that around by itself they recognized was fun, and we've been powersliding that machine gun-turreted jeep everywhere we can force it into ever since. Vehicles of all kinds are a big part of Halo, and at times criminally underused; starships cry out for Battlestar Galactica-esque dramas, and squadrons of Longswords could play out the same as X-Wing dogfights. In 500 words or less, give us something that revolves around the vehicles of the Halo-verse, whether land or space-bound.

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 * Takeoff by
 * THREE WORDS OVER, BRODIE. How dare. But I'm already here, so here we go. There's one point you use "suit" for MJOLNIR twice in a sentence which is just something that crops up as redundant while reading. The descriptions are good, though; oilstained jumpsuits and such, and that does extend to the vehicle in question for the piece, using the character's personalization of it to associate it with her, make it a personal thing, etc. I would, however, recommend going a bit further with the descriptions of people to make sure a memorable impression gets across, even if it's cliched, so I can remember characters at least as "baldy" and "the redhead". "Gantry" is the word you're probably looking for with that piece of armor-assembly machinery. At least, that's what I've come to like using.
 * Air Superiority by
 * I might have ended the sentence ending with "that firestorm" with just "it" instead, as there's not an image setting up the city beforehand, and that on its own just kinda sticks out. The vehicle here does feature prominently, though it's secondary to Venter's meditation on what he's doing there. It's a snippet, naturally, but apart from Venter thinking the Marines below were his comrades not that long ago, we don't have much to tell us the context of the piece; I can only assume it's during the Mamore Insurrection at some point. Can't really add much in the way to its prose; Venter and the other rebels aren't described in detail, but Venter shows up plenty of places elsewhere and the others are unnamed and don't need that detail anyway.

Week 5: Close Talking
Prompt: While I can't speak for everyone, Halo 5's Hunt the Truth campaign got me super-excited. I liked Ben Giraud, I felt sympathy for the predicaments he found himself in, and Fero's encore season maintained their level of quality all the way through. So, perhaps because of their format, you should go back and listen to a few episodes to pick up tips and tricks for this challenge: with 500 words or less, write up something very dialogue-heavy. It doesn't have to quite take screenplay or audio transcript format, and anything that's all-dialogue will need to do something in their lines that identifies who the participants are, but see if you can make it as dialogue-heavy as possible. Who knows? Perhaps there are a few people around here with decent mics who'd be interested in making a short Youtube recording out of some entry. Entries=

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 * A Scent of Blasphemy by
 * I'm surprised you didn't take the opportunity to start on a line of dialogue, instead with a paragraph's worth of prose, but setting up the scene in such a way does allow you to keep using more character speech later. In the first two spoken lines, though, you've got a bit of repetition with 'today'. Good choice to go with Sangheili, since their dialogue is so accented and unusual; already, for a reader familiar with the Halo-verse, you'll have them reading the dialogue in deep, wort-worty voices, though perhaps this is just that my reading doesn't match up with the voice you're hearing in your head, but some of your word choices didn't quite match up with what I think of for Sangheili.
 * Extract From Oblation Bearer Interrogation Room Security Recording by
 * Hah, good call on the old RvB Irk styling. Still, having the names in front of each line script-style takes out the opportunity to hear the voices and discover through its dialogue who they are. Diana's in good form, I see, though I think Simon's a little quick to have her getting under his skin when she's providing no evidence of her claims. Then again, getting under Simon's skin and into his head is one of Diana's signatures. Naturally, the whole process of turning Simon to her will this time is going to take a while, but she's off to a good start.
 * Slaughter on Mortintoj by
 * Neat to see someone finally incorporating images in these things; without advancing the wordcount, it allows you to put more information across to the reader. The piece is, however, nearly double the word limit, but the dialogue in it is looking good. Once in a while, there's a sentence that runs on a little too long with too many phrases between commas, but that's not hard to revise. One suggestion I'd make would be instead of naming and thinking of the interviewer as merely Reporter, give them a name and a position of their own they're coming from, like Ben Giraud or Petra Janecek.
 * SFTE Test Audio Log 4/28/2291 by
 * Aha, here we are. A one-hundred-percent dialogue piece, and an interesting choice of moment to elaborate on. I do think you could have given us a little more characterization, perhaps through giving some of the characters' thoughts of their own outside the processes of the countdown, and somebody else telling them to stay focused, then ask if that one's nervous, etc. etc. For the combination of taking this challenge to the extreme and going with it to an obscure but important moment in the history of the Halo universe, I think this is my pick of the week.

Week 6: Yes, Sensei
Prompt: The responses to last week's challenge got me thinking. There's basically only a few ways you can really open a piece of writing; with a name, for example, which you then have to give context to so a reader will care about who this name belongs to; with an image that'll catch the reader's mind's eye; with a line of dialogue without an image or setup that's just interesting enough without context that you have to read on. That's what I want to get at this week. You can take on any subject you want this week, in 500 words or less, but I want you to really consider your opening line, the very first thing that the reader sees and what needs to hook them to keep them reading, and make sure you have reasons for making that your first line. See what you make of it. Entries=

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 * Underlying Motivation by Andromeda Vadum
 * Who's I? I imagine this must have appealed to you in some way as a first line, but consider, the rest of this piece is told in the third-person. So who would be the "I" in "or should I really say"? It doesn't fit with the rest and takes me out of what's going on rather than get me into it. There are also some grammatical errors, "loose" to "lose" (happens all the time, we had an RP called "Loosing Hope" once) and "had saw" to "had seen", you might want to keep a better eye on.
 * Nothing by DarthNicky
 * A little reminiscent of Keyes' thoughts in The Flood, but then given the same subject matter, it's hardly a surprise. I might have recommended a little more sensory detail as the character starts remembering, like descriptions of just what his loved ones' faces looked like, heck, even a smell as he realizes the Flood's absorbed his body and he's no longer in control of/connected to the organs his senses get input from. A good choice for opening, then, and nicely tied in with the title. Pick of the week.
 * Hunted by
 * Second person? Interesting choice. Although, the "came" in your first line and "continued", "said" and a few other places later on are past-tense, where the rest is in-the-moment present-tense. My guess is the robot is a Spartan? I'm never given enough detail to be sure, but it seems like that'd make this character an Innie. Good work with the second-person, I suppose these prompts are a handy place to experiment with.
 * Shortcut by
 * Decidedly a catchy opener with the dialogue approach. A couple paragraphs in, though, when we get that elucidating explanation of where they are and why, it all comes out in a bit of a run-on sentence, but your timing with it is spot-on. Great interplay between the team members, and goes from dark to darker by the end. I'd be invested for more.
 * Brandon Smith by
 * How dare you exceed my arbitrary length requirements, Lomi. Good opening with a smell as a sensory detail, but we never really pick that up again to get a good, gruesome look at what it's coming from (though we do get the recurring theme of constants). There's mention of corpses, corpses Smith knew, even, but an example of just whose body it was he hunkered down next to would've hammered both points home.

Week 7: Supporting Role
Prompt: Hmmm. Seems there's a much bigger turnout when I open up prompts to looser requirements. Perhaps I'll skew more of those in the future to allow for more freedom, but this week, humor me with another specific prompt. One writing exercise that might do some good for your own projects is to consider your characters from someone else's point of view; naturally, you have an idea of the persona the character has, how other people in the universe perceive them. Perhaps it's a scary aura of foreboding, or someone so naturally charismatic they can't help being chummy with everyone they meet. In 500 words or less, give us some insight into one character through another—what does another person typically see your character as? It may be helpful to use a throwaway minor character who meets yours for just a minute, or alternatively someone familiar enough to see their faults. Give it a shot.

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 * Analysis by
 * I think you go on a bit too long about how much Tyler's willing to sacrifice himself in the third paragraph. Most of it's merely telling us what he would do, not showing us by giving examples to illustrate how he's done so. Reads a bit like you're glorifying him. Also really not sure why he'd have a feeling he'd need to sacrifice one of his team on the upcoming mission (and why, if he's so self-sacrificing, putting himself in their place isn't his first thought), but given the word count, there are naturally things that can't be included. While I wish you'd spent less on Tyler's weapons and more on Varun, Tyler's concern for him does feel genuine, and for that, I think this makes my pick of the week.
 * Assessing One's Foe by
 * I'm not sure what other names a Sangheili would call a human, but I think you end up using "human" and "the human" a bit too often, as it gets repetitive around the third paragraph. Since he's in charge, perhaps the "human commander" and shorten to "commander" in some places? Also, while I think it's possible for an ODST to outdo a Sangheili in close combat, the way it happens here might be a little too easy. Sangheili are on par with Spartans as far as speed and strength goes, so I feel like one knee to the midsection's not gonna be enough to throw him off.
 * A Disappointing Monster by
 * Fun angle to take. I might recommend changing a bit in the third paragraph to "Patches of stubble, the sign of a sloppy shave" rather than "signs". I read it more like the "patches of stubble" is one object, rather than each patch an independent sign. They're all on the same face, after all. There's more physical description here than the others, which on its own would give us a picture and not an idea of the person, but it's tied together what those features suggest to Tegla, which blends the picture and the idea nicely.
 * Hero of Victoria by
 * Glad to see canon characters being made use of, especially those new from Halo 5 which really need the characterization. With this piece, though, I feel as though you're making Wright a "better than the protagonist" character. Wright's being portrayed as a villain here, so building him up as a frightening threat like this makes sense, but Locke's character (what little canon gives us) is one of stoic pragmatism, so for him to be so afraid of this rebel officer doesn't fit with my preconception of Locke. I kinda connect this with how I felt about Palmer post-Halo 4; everyone hated how much she was built up, so we wanted to write stories that undercut her and built up our own characters as superior. In hindsight, though, building up her canon character by having her beat my own characters felt more rewarding.

Week 8: Legendary Friends
Prompt: So keying off one of last week's entries (which I'll perhaps have to do more often, now), this week's challenge is to write something under 500 words that makes use of canon characters from the Halo-verse. There are a lot of new characters as of Halo 5 that get very little characterization in the games. Each of Fireteam Osiris, for instance, gets their own source of media they come from, whether a book, comic, or live-action series, but apart from that bit of assigned origin story, not much has been written or said about them yet. This could include your characters cross paths with famous canon characters (whether as friends or not) or you may choose to focus entirely on canon character. We do have a lot more focus on original characters than canons on this site, don't we? Entries=

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 * Captured by
 * At one point, you say directly that the guard "was about to shoot at her helmet", making the point-of-view omniscient because the reader knows for certain what both the guard and Carris intend to do, so I have to ask, what was this guard's plan? I can understand the Insurrection taking a Spartan prisoner if they got the chance, there's a lot to learn from them and their armor. So why's this guy going to throw all that away by shooting her? If they'd let this guy kill her so quickly, why risk keeping her alive at all? If this was meant to be just Carris' thought, however, of when she thought he was going to shoot, it'd make more sense, and since we're with Carris' point of view by joining her just as she wakes up, it'd make more sense to be a point-of-view limited to her thoughts and what she can see and hear. There are a couple things that I think could warrant a proofread, like "main" instead of "man", and I'd recommend saying "five to six" instead of "5-6" when writing prose.
 * Snake in the Grass by
 * Only two candy bars in an hour? That'd be remarkable restraint by my standards if I had a sack full of candy bars. Anyway, you're a little more than fifty words over the limit, but if you're going to go above it, I recommend taking more time to have your story chew the scenery. When Jones leaves the canyon, he "followed the tracks the Warthogs and Scorpions had left. He had been walking for about an hour when..." Show me some of that. What alien landscapes does he pass in that hour of walking on Installation 04, what carnage besides tire tracks have been left behind after the battle? Does he find himself having to duck any leftover Covenant patrols before the main events of the piece? And how was he finally killed? If you're filling in a blank spot of a character's history this way, it seems to me the best way to do that would be to illustrate it with a lot of detail. Fun idea: have his last thought be he wished he'd eaten the rest of the candy bars.

Week 9: Make A Wish
Prompt: Everyone wants something. Beyond the general vengeance upon the Covenant, follow the UNSC's orders to kill something, or become the galaxy's most powerful supervillain, there are things driving your characters to achieve greater things, to help others selflessly or selfishly, or that just keep them going from one day to the next. If your character wanted one thing above all else, what would it be? In 500 words or less, write up something that helps to illustrate it, whether it shows them doing something desperate or morally grey to get whatever it is, or letting their guard down to someone else just for a moment to show what they want and can't have. Doesn't have to be a big galaxy-changing desire, either. For just a moment, the one thing they desire above all else could be the last donut behind the glass counter display.

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 * Have a Drink by
 * Good stuff, everything looks in order with conventions. If you start reading without that preface, first-person makes it hard to quickly understand what's going on, but then, that's the point of a preface after all. Where it leaves off, though, it was a little unclear what Dahm is after. To humiliate his co-worker on video, yes, but why, apart from making his promotion memorable; does he not like the co-worker, or are they friends and Dahm knows he'll take it all in fun?
 * A Wish for Life by
 * Switch "an armor" to just "armor" and "But however" to just one of them. I really like the idea you're having Deryk grapple with here, as it's something I thought a lot about in regards to Amber-G330 when I came up with her way back when, and want to continue with. As such, I can recommend making the particular freedoms that Deryk wants a bit more specific; the idea that Spartans aren't allowed to retire and are just sent on missions until they die is great, though since 343i canon picked up where Bungie left off, we've learned it is possible for Spartans to retire (such as in Nightfall). What could use more specificity is the fourth paragraph. What is it that Deryk would want to be doing if he weren't in service with the UNSC? Just fighting more? He's already getting that, and probably with some good benefits, as the UNSC surely takes good care of their finest weapons, i.e. the best medical care paid for, room and board as long as they're serving, etc. Granted, Deryk might not have considered that, not knowing what life outside the UNSC would really be like. Anyway, these are themes that really strike a chord with me, so I hope you continue thinking about and developing them. Pick of the week.
 * Deceived by
 * Ah, I'm reading 501 words here. Probably because my Word processor counts hyphenated compound words as two words while other Word processors don't. Anyway. "William just got off the phone with his best friend", as it's phrased, is telling the reader what happened after the fact. I suggest something more akin to "William set down the phone", since that way it's happening in the moment like the rest of the story, and you're showing the reader what's going on. It's a tricky bit of advice to understand, but "show don't tell" is what my writing teachers have told me all the time, and it does pay off.
 * Determination by
 * Why do I get a "Captain America beating punching bags off their hangers" vibe from this? Just me? Anyway, I think I'd like to see more of these two. The fact we're seeing things from Bakos' point of view, making it her noticing Magnus' physique and her inviting him to celebrate makes me think there's some romantic tension going on there, which I could be completely imagining, but would make for an interesting villain coupling. Magnus' drive to see the UNSC brought down, unwilling to perhaps even see a bright side to it for the cost of and what he was subjected to by its dark side makes for a nice contrast in motivation with your typical freedom-espousing rebel leader, if we were to get more about her. And Magnus' prosthetics making it impossible to consummate any romantic relationship which maybe Bakos wants despite Magnus having no time for it makes for some extra-tragic heaped on there. Maybe I'm just projecting ideas that aren't meant to be there. Do consider them, though.

Week 10: Pass the Rock
Prompt: As much as we might like to think we are sometimes, nobody stands alone. Not for their whole life, anyway. We're defined by our relationships as much as we're defined by what our values are, and that goes the same for characters. Mentors leave impressions on us, and friends both count on us and are just as willing to be counted on. So what relationships define your character? Teammates? Romantic partners? Arch-enemies, even? Do a little illustrating of that in 500 words or less. It might be done by having the two interact, or perhaps one's far away or dead and your character is telling a third how much that other person's meant to them in some way or another. Good luck! Entries=

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 * "Those Bastards Are Going to Pay." by
 * Far over the limit, but I'm already here after all. So, first off, things like "the Master Chief destroyed the Anti-Air Wraith" and "Cook agreed to take the Mongoose" are the "show, not tell" bits I always harp on. You're telling me the Chief is destroying the Wraith, but how? Let's see him reaching into the spinny mechanical bits on the back of it to rip out some vital piece, or wrenching the pilot's compartment door off to get at a shocked-looking Sangheili underneath. Also, for formatting, those vertical bars can be accomplished with a " ", four horizontal bars in a line of their own, rather than a series of underscores. Different users see the site in different widths because of computer monitors, web browsers, etc. being different, so using that proper formatting ensures everyone sees it the way you want. As for the subject matter, there's actually very little focus on the relationship there. A lot of that lead-up is pure action, without any character thoughts or feelings to make us understand the people going through the events. We're only starting to get that there's a relationship at all when O'Neill is introduced. Consider starting there, elaborating a bit on why the two are such good friends, and keep it going.
 * Human Flotsam by
 * "Diana likes Sii-mooon!" Alright, I had my fun there. This is what I'm talking about. A character's thoughts and opinions concerning another character, and how it reflects on themselves in turn. Adding in the doubles each has in their respective roles as Spartan and AI is an excellent choice, since it allows for comparison, leading to further reflection for Diana, and so on. Have I shilled for Actene enough yet? Probably not, but I'll cut it short and say pick of the week.
 * We Could Be Heroes by
 * Aha, off the bat, I'm seeing the same thing I do, and that's putting too many comma-enclosed aside phrases in a sentence. I know how easy it is to keep flowing from one to the next, but you've gotta remember to cut at some places so subjects don't get confused. "lay in wait." would be a good place for the first stop, then lead into description with the next sentence. There's a bit of repetition as far as the reader goes, too, with the Kig-Yar patrolling and Ryuko then stating that, while we get very sparse description of either. What are the Kig-Yar patrolling, what do Ryuko and Sabine look like for the benefit of readers engaging with these characters for the first time? You've also gotta watch punctuation at the end of spoken quotes. Is that a European thing? I think I've chided a few others from across the pond about that. You've got some good details, though, like the difference between their stares. A suggestion, you might make the point about helping out and stopping slavers hit home harder if what Ryuko was seeing (and thus, allowing the audience to see) was slave pens these pirates were guarding, and the horrible conditions inside which this pair know all too well. Could even compare their reactions to those memories.
 * Letter 452, Albert Rocha by
 * A solid choice for approach, the to-whom-it-may-concern letter format, but I feel you really need to expand that second paragraph for us to get a handle on who this guy was and why the writer cared about him so much. The specificity, the details are the crux of what makes the format work, but we don't know what jokes they were which he used to lighten the mood. It's an informed ability to keep everyone's spirits up, showing but not telling us. Think of what this writer might say if "This one time, he..." was the beginning of a sentence about the point where Rocha says that he cared for each of his squadron mates. By showing us what in particular the writer remembers, it shows how much the writer cared by remembering so well, and just by exposing us to the character being talked about, it makes him more endeared to the reader.

Week 11: Katanarama
Prompt: For a universe in which we have guns, and plasma guns, and hard-light guns(?), fights seem to come down to a straight-up fistfight pretty often. It's a fact of a lot of fiction—a melee fight is a lot more personal than a gunfight, can show off the character's strength or martial art skill more viscerally. And Halo has some ideal weapons with which to do that: the Gravity Hammer, combat knifes, and yes, the impractically-designed Energy Sword. Seriously, the end of the curved parts around the blades are just gonna take your own wrists off. Put it down before you hurt yourself. But before you do that, write up 500 words or less that incorporate melee weapons or even unarmed fighting in some way. Could be a bar fight, could be a duel both parties are taking very seriously, or it could simply be a master of such combat making a philosophical point about the why or how of its use. Just remember to include stakes that make us care about who wins if a fight is the main focus of the piece.

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 * Weakness by
 * It's difficult to judge for style, as ultimately a lot of writing comes down to personal preference, but I think I can offer a few insights. For instance, the fight's already moving action-to-action to give it the fast pace a fight needs, but there are places it could be punched up, so to speak, such as taking out any form of "is". Generally, it's just an extra word that could be gotten rid of with a rewording: "Jack’s overhead swing was dodged by Elena" could be quicker as "Elena dodged Jack's overhead swing". Granted there's a word limit, but I think more description wouldn't go amiss with the fight, although that's hard to do--both descriptive and quick. Specific words that create images like you already have in "twirling blows" can do a lot of that work. Further, I like that Marco's working to subvert an exercise he feels is wasteful, but we don't really get much reaction from Roe, or a subsequent reaction from Marco to Roe's lack of reaction, to know if that subversion worked.
 * The Chance of a Lifetime by
 * This piece picks up right in the midst of the action, which being an excerpt, works in its favor, I think. The action's well-paced, and I see Hayley's resentment as the clear source that leads into their physical confrontation, but I'm surprised Ezell isn't a little surprised by her throwing the first punch. She's an ODST, I take it, and thus has the reputation credentials of someone who could easily block this tipsy teenager's jab at her, but it strikes me that she's in the middle of making an offer and if the punch comes without warning, it would be a reaction she wasn't expecting. Unless she was intentionally provoking such a response, in which case Ezell strikes me as just a little cruel, but maybe that's what you're going for. The only other hang-up I've got is that Ezell takes a broken bottle through the palm and is never mentioned to so much as flinch. ODST or no, that seems like it ought to hurt, or at least grit her teeth and sound angry as she's giving Hayley her last chance ultimatum. But I think there's a good start to a couple new characters here, enough to earn my pick of the week.
 * Reunion by
 * Ah, Lomi, it may fit both last week's and this week's prompt, but it's over the limit by about a hundred words. Nonetheless, I like the "first, second, third" series of attacks you open with, as it meshes well with the surgical approach to combat an S-II like Riker seems like they'd have. That second paragraph, I feel, may get a bit too much into summary as it establishes a bit, but it could also be that I'll never read the word "emotions" again without thinking of David Cage. So that could be on me, but you might also consider making it a specific emotion Riker's grappling with. I also enjoy the fact that this piece finally sets one of the long-standing quotes from Riker's article (or at least a paraphrase redux of it) in prose.
 * Broken by
 * Gotta watch for that end-line punctuation, 'cause I'll keep harping on it every time. Ryuko and Sabine's rivalry is prime fodder for this challenge, though. I know it's because of the word limit, but I feel there's a lack of description here that takes away significantly from the piece, as we don't get a very clear picture of the arena or the details of their fight; how Sabine counterattacks, when the first blood comes. I think I have a suggestion, though, which would be to jump in right as Ryuko has stepped out into the ring, or even mid-fight, allowing more of the 500 words to go towards its description. The beforehand of Ryuko readying up for battle has enough potential for its own expansion and detail regarding her captors, her gear, and its use to make for another whole short.

Week 12: Roast 'em, Toast 'em
Prompt: So this one's a challenge I've been meaning to throw at you for a while, and with April Fool's Day coming up this week, I figured now's as good a time as any to throw you a curve ball. No, you'll not be sending brave heroes on missions of dire galactic importance for this one, but focusing on a basic human need: food. I was a big fan of the Redwall series as a kid, and let me tell you, the descriptions of food were mouth-watering. Bubbly cordials, meadowcream-topped trifles and cakes... though, granted, Halo is much less likely to feature such treats as the unpleasantness of a protein ration bar. But there are examples, like the Thorn Beast that Maccaebus' pack devoured, that show there's some pride in culinary arts among the species of the galaxy. Think on it, and see what food-related snippets you can come up with, in 500 words or less. Good luck! Entries=

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 * Green Desert by
 * This piece pulls back a quite a bit from your usual entries, going into more summary of a long period of time than intimate detail of a brief one. You've got one line you forgot to double-space, mind, watch for that. Heh, I was afraid someone would make use of the prompt for this particular subject. You've found my fear, well done. There's a darker side to Halo that usually shows up in the true nature of the Flood, or ONI's cutthroat tactics to keep a human empire together, and I think this gets at that same dark side in a different way than we've seen before, so good on ya for that.
 * Big Moa by
 * Halorale and Halloran, two planets I now must wonder are one and the same and somebody misspelled it, or two planets after all. You as well, make sure lines get those double-spaces. Good choice for characters here, as it takes the rarity of good food among the universe's chosen group of heroes, who are usually packing probably a handful of protein bars that are compact enough to fit in a single belt pouch and that's all they get for a week, and takes the opportunity of introducing them to food crafted for taste (if not health). I also like that you're having the viewpoint character describe the food items she sees rather than name them, but I challenge you to keep going farther with it by making the observations specific. In "small, crispy yellow items", "items" is the word I take issue with, turn that into "straws" or some other word to describe their length, and "strange loafs of bread" into something describing their unusual roundness. You're on the right track to get inside your character's head and give their unique viewpoint, now make those descriptions that much more precise. For giving me that teachable moment, pick of the week.

Week 13: Mostly at Night
Prompt: This challenge ought to be good for my psyche. So I mentioned in last week's reviews that there's a darker side to Halo, which rears its head from time to time to give us a good dose of the 'ole grimdark. But there's gotta be a point to it. It's fine to delve into the darker side of human nature from time to time, but if there's not a discovery in that exploration, it becomes violence (or worse) for its own sake, and revels in that dark side instead of rising above or even learning from it. Sorry, caught a bit of The Punisher a few days ago, maybe that's what has me on this train of thought. For this challenge, you might show something like one character's revenge upon another, but if it gets excessive, be sure to acknowledge that there are consequences for going too far, perhaps a friend gives them an ultimatum and leaves when they don't stop, or in the process hurt someone they didn't mean to. Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves. Entries=

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 * Tyrant's Logic by
 * I did ask for dark, and you went killing kids on me. Check that box, for sure. Again, while I know there's a word count to consider, but a bit of heavier description would really help to make for a vivid image bringing the actions between dialogue lines alive. By entering the subway, I'd assume there was a stairway down below some city street, and I didn't know where she'd have been relative to it before, it's just suddenly there. With a word limit, gotta pick and choose what's worthy of description and what's not. You've got a good discourse going with Augustus and Ajax's discussion, though; Augustus wanting to strive for saving more versus Ajax's pragmatic realism. One thing you might do to enhance their dialogue without adding to your word count is make use of italics and ellipses in a few places. I hear Augustus' pause when Ajax poses him his questions, but a little ". . ." before "that's what I thought" would've made Ajax waiting on his answer clearer, while italics could make Augustus' pleas more laden with emotion and make for that much more of a comparison with Ajax's coldness.

Week 14: On The Sixth Respawn
Prompt: This'll either be fun, or your worst nightmare 'cause it'll mean you'll want to draw up whole new storylines in your grand expansive plans. Or both. Writers have a problem: we never stop coming up with ideas. Of course, that means focusing on one idea is the challenging part. But for this challenge, indulge yourself a little bit: come up with a new character for a short, one we haven't seen or heard of before on the site. Not that they have to be completely opposite, but they should probably differ a little bit from the characters you already have to offer a different perspective. Experiment, and with 500 words or less, see what angles you come up with for their involvement in the Halo universe. See where it leads you. Entries=

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 * Flames by
 * Wait, a pilot who seems a bit miffed at the UNSC? I thought I said new characters, Minuteman! That aside, I like the way you continue the style of dialogue free of tags with most dialogue in the piece. Independent dialogue like that is one of the typical ways I think of when considering how to open writing, and having it be all one way through a larger story wouldn't work, but in a short, it seems to work for me. I'm not sure of the date in-universe for this, and it led me to a little confusion. I thought the mention of him being a test pilot was just to inform me aside about the character in a show-not-tell way irrelevant to the story, but then I realized it's a test of the HEV, which makes me wonder just how early is this in the timeline? The question the piece leaves me with that I do like is whether or not Rocha's dead at its end, giving some ambiguity to ponder on afterwards.
 * Dishonourable Conduct by
 * You're paying very close attention to your spelling, that I can see, but punctuation is still costing you a bit. Missed commas mid-sentence and missed apostrophes to show possession, like "the blades' sharpened edges"/"the blade's sharpened edges" can lead to some momentary confusion that pulls a reader out of the story for a moment, which isn't a huge problem as far as they go, but it's a hiccup that could easily be fixed to allow the reader to get more into reading. You've included great descriptive detail, but occasionally, it goes a little too long, that first sentence in particular. There's just a few too many adjectives, which give a great image of your subjects, but they make the sentence go on too long without a breath. Dividing it into more sentences while keeping the detail helps strike a balance. Although we don't get too much of where Rahs comes from, it does allow for an ominous sign of where he's going and what he intends to do, so it makes for a neat introduction.
 * Desperate Times by
 * You've got a bit of a change in tense going on between the first few paragraphs. First in the present with "will always be" and "are piled", then switching to a consistent past-tense "panic surged" and "she dialed" later on. I'm a little confused by the implications made about what's going on in the piece, because it sounds like you're having Halsey abduct and force childbearing on unwilling women with the right random genetic criteria, and nobody short of brainwashing is that blatantly evil, at least as far as the Halo universe goes, and certainly not Halsey. Having scenes in stories actually showing those moments would seem creepy (which, naturally, would be what such a scene would be going for) at best, and fetishistic at worst. I'd really advise against it if that's the plan. There's also that with a single groin kick, this young woman escapes two presumably trained ONI agents, but given where the piece leaves off, she could've been recaptured immediately after, so I don't know.
 * Advantage by
 * There's an interesting point to be made about meshing the third person narrative with a character's perspective, especially since you have a viewpoint character you're following here. If this is his childhood friend, why would he use both her first and last name in what should be an everyday thought to him? It's a little formal, and unnecessary when you've given her name in the intro. Using just her first name would make it seem more personal. It's a very small detail, but details like that reflect on the larger picture. Other places, though, you're doing fine with it just by using "Hell, the whole" since that expletive lets us know it's his opinion on the whole thing, pulls us into his viewpoint. Although hell's used a second time in that sentence that doesn't quite make sense. There is a bit of a question to raise about what separates these characters from those "other looters" he thinks of as criminals. He's committing a crime right then by taking food from a store, the store owner presumably having bought it to sell in turn, and he's armed while doing it. But those are questions for a longer story.
 * Tenacity by
 * First recommendation I must make is to divide your prose into smaller paragraphs, so there's not a few solid text walls to read and especially because it helps break up action more clearly such as you have here, but I like where you're going with this piece. An alien warrior is able to be cruel because he sees humans as inferior, perhaps not even really alive any more than animals, before he starts reflecting on it towards the end. I think you could make the point more poignantly, though, if instead of happening to hear a noise, 'Tenamee finds the human survivors with a technology leagues above what humans have, such as Promethean Vision. Then it's not by chance the humans are found, but inevitable because the Elites are so superior, giving credence to 'Tenamee's initial belief. Also, a tip I like to give a lot is to use "that" as little as possible. Consider how the second sentence in your piece reads with "surrounding" instead of "that surrounded".
 * Collective by
 * Ah, a Hunter perspective, now there's something I don't see often enough! You've got a little repetition there at the start of the second paragraph, which leads into a rather confusing sentence, but on the wider subject of paragraphs, you may want to divide up your action paragraphs more so there's a little variety in length, stressing some actions more than others by their placement. I like the multitude of sensations you mention, though I was wondering a little where the burning specifically was coming from. I assume it's the cannon they'd just fired, but then I wish there was some explanation about it not fitting well or not designed with the Lekgolo's comfort in mind early on. By it's end, though, I'm not quite sure what just happened, the same as Sin. Having no context of when or what battle this is, I can't guess, and the fiery end isn't specific enough for me to infer there, either. It means you're in tune with the character, which is good, but there has to be enough clues even if the character doesn't understand to give the reader some idea.
 * Expendable by
 * I think you use the word uniform a time too many in that intro paragraph. More importantly, though, I like how this piece plays with expectations. When you know things are going to take a turn, you're naturally looking for it, expecting it, but here those hopes, along with Eliza's are consistently dashed as the agent she thought she could trust makes no apparent move to spare her until the very end. Picking up in the middle of Eliza's story, though, we don't get a clear sense of her personality, but a very clear sense of her place in the Halo-verse, as a UNSC spy in the Insurrectionist ranks, one whose position will be cemented by the ambush the agent let the rebels think they orchestrated. Going forward, however, we know who she will be, so it does make for an effective introduction.
 * The Decision by
 * By the end, I'm not certain who these two are. The accountants auditing the S-II Program? Which, when thought of that way, is kind of a humorous idea for a story about how impractical all the things that go into a video game world might actually be. And it does set up how one element of the universe came to be, one which is a very small element, but neat in that it shows how much decision-making went into every such aspect. Although I'm not particularly sure about who they are or what their exact role is, I do appreciate that their dialogue goes back and forth very naturally, which is really critical when such a mundane moment is being shown.
 * Simple Pleasures by
 * Again, gotta love the unusual perspectives of the minor Covenant races. This day-in-the-life style introduces the character pretty well by showing him to the reader as murderous and opportunistic, then goes a step further by telling us this is routine for him. It does, however, come at the cost of showing us much of his placement in the wider universe, without a note about what or who the pirates usually raid or even who the character's Shipmaster is and how far down the ladder he is from them, but none of that is what this piece is about. How they go forward is a story for another day.
 * Those Who Fight Monsters by
 * Interesting in that it's a set-up for a character we don't directly see, and who in fact doesn't even exist yet at the point of the story. It's also gratifying to see a piece that's relevant to current canon Halo events, and that said events are the cause of a sudden interruption in everybody else's ongoing plans. I'm not quite sure what the Created did to Enoch Outpost, however, as you mention the offices barren and scarred, and that the Created had been thoroughly destructive, but I'm never shown the damage and am not sure if or how much battle damage there was. Sapphira (reference appreciated, btw) is noted to have tried to rebel, so obviously there was something that went on, but we don't quite get the glimpse we need for that picture. There are also a few apostrophes or commas out of place, at least to my mind, those being the "supervisor's", "to peel away then vanished", and "entering the research lab at last. Katsu".
 * Backup by
 * As with Brando, I advise using "that" as few times as possible. It's sort of a filler word (that) you can usually leave out or change a verb form to eliminate with no repercussions except getting through a sentence quicker. Anyway, I like the late reveal of the agent's name. Says something about both characters, with or without meaning to; since we follow one's perspective, Jill seems to think of herself only as Agent One-Two-One, while Violet doesn't bother with codenames and, without further context, the reader will naturally extrapolate she's probably more one to go headfirst through red tape by comparison to Jill. Not sure if it was intentional or not, but to highlight it and for doubling up on character intros, pick of the week.

Week 15: Return of the Mack
Prompt: So after a bit of confusion on a couple weeks where my word processor apparently reads different word counts than others', in the interest of everyone being able to participate on even ground, 500 words will be a ballpark number rather than a hard limit for this and all future challenges. Now then, for this week, I'll be taking a page from the Halo: Evolutions short story The Return, featuring a character returning to the site of his greatest victory, now a source of shame, to search for meaning. Places hold special importance to humans, whether it's the fond memory of meeting someone there, the somber memorials set to commemorate a battlefield, or simply the comfort of your own room to crash in at the end of a long day. In around 500 words, show us your character returning to a place familiar to them, and think about what the place meant to them last time they were there, as well as how they or the place have changed since. Best of luck! Entries=

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 * House and Home by
 * There's a really brief show-not-tell (to harp on that sometimes vague phrase again) bit with "now known as Oliver Edwards". I mean, it does establish he's in hiding, but aside from that it bears little significance when we never see him referred to as Oliver again, either in his own thoughts or by the other characters. Maybe instead of telling us the difference in names, a cabbie could drop him off and say "Bye, Mister Edwards" just a few sentences before he goes to the door and Richard answers to call him by a different name, establishing the difference more naturally, but it would be a lot of rewriting for a minimal effect. I like that we get a little bit of the memories Wright is referring to in the last couple paragraphs, as it helps ground what would otherwise be very vague sentiment, wistful longing for memories we don't get to share with him and understand why they mean so much (although why does Richard still have the same pots and pans? Any of them still have bullet holes in 'em?), though they are still fairly distant. Watch the punctuation on the last sentence.
 * Looking for The Missing Wall by
 * Again, you've really gotta watch the punctuation around dialogue and dialogue tags, as when I notice they're missing, it really pulls me out of the story as a reader. Periods before the quotation marks when a sentence is ending, and commas if there's a "Blah," he said, "blah." dialogue tag in the middle like that. A glassed planet's surface is an excellent setting for something like this, though it occurs to me that when they etch each name in, perhaps they should be using a heat tool to melt it in. Otherwise, with the glass so irregular, it could be someone starts chipping away one day, they find a fault line, and half the wall comes down and shatters. Now wouldn't that make for an interesting story? Although, I don't believe I'm ever actually told if the wall is glass or stone. I see the cave is going down into the ground, but is it a swirl naturally formed in the glass, or a tunnel that manages to reach deep enough into where the heat couldn't turn the world to glass? Doesn't have to be whole paragraphs of metaphors, but just make sure there's enough imagery that we know what we're supposed to see.
 * Back to the Meridian by
 * Given you have his name and that of Meridian in the first few sentences (and Meridian in the title), I don't think you needed the intro line beforehand, since that information is just repeated a line later. It's like judging a meal by its plating, but while growing as a writer, eventually you should consider how your reader will find and approach your work, consider all of what they will see and avoid little redundancies or other potential snags. Not that you can account for everything every potential reader will have seen, but cover what you can. I can see you're trying to address how your average human learning about a Spartan would be alienated at first, but since this is post-war when John-117 is savior of humanity and all that, Dent wouldn't wonder too much at A077 not having a last name specified. Maybe connect the two. There is, again, a bit of telling without showing going on here, and it has to do with the structure of the story as well as the prose writing itself. We're told by Dent's inner monologue about the plan he's being contracted for, but wouldn't it be more interesting if Nick explained it to him once they met up, maybe pulled out a pocket hologram of the suit he intends to steal? And it'd probably make more sense, as Dent's a mercenary. If he knows where Nick's going to be, turning in a rogue Spartan to the UNSC would probably net him enough money to retire happily, whether he hates the UNSC or not. Consider Nick being less forthcoming with details until they actually meet, and it could fix both problems.
 * The Jungle by
 * This particular piece makes a nice use of how you've set your character's story in relation to the events of canon novels. And there's some great imagery, even if a lot of it is presented as being told, with the backstory of why and how things came about for La Selva from its beginning all the way to the story's present. Given both of those elements, however, I find it surprising there's not a more personal connection through Ana remembering her place among these burned, mural-covered buildings. Where was it that she in particular used to fit into this world? It's mentioned once that she played in this rec center, but what did she play, how much did it mean to her that makes it painful or any other feeling to return? It's still effective, but without her personal input to relate to the place, it becomes more of a recalled history of the place. Also, that last line, being a thought and not spoken dialogue, should probably be in italics instead of quotation marks. But for those minor gripes, it's a commendable piece, and has my pick for the week.
 * Eternal by
 * I feel like you're missing a comma in that second sentence to slow it down. A solid piece, otherwise. There's imagery present throughout, and Tuka's feelings are justifiably provoked by the surroundings. The location's change reflects that of the Sangheili in the wider Halo universe. I have trouble imagining the Sangheili who'd write graffiti like that, though. Writing on the walls in blood something about condemning the false prophets and whatnot, sure, but I hadn't yet considered them leaving messages on the bathroom stalls about whose holo-pad to appear on for a good time. But it makes for a nice addition, as a flippant joke that becomes very cruel for one who still holds onto faith.

Week 16: Not as Clumsy or Random
Prompt: Here's one that connects with me, surely, after getting so many reviews and prompts up days late. Embarrassment is a source of a lot of things—pain, shame, and hilarity. Most times, looking back at the moments we're embarrassed about, it sucks. Those moments make us cringe, for whatever reason I won't go into. But you've gotta recognize those moments are powerful if they're able to have that effect on you. So what might your characters be that embarrassed about? A mistake that should've been obvious? Overhearing something they really wish they hadn't? Coming forward to confide in someone about an embarrassing thought or memory is a powerful statement, as it proves they trust the other person enough to share whatever secret thing they've been thinking about, wanting to talk about, but too embarrassed to bring up. See what you come up with, in about 500 words, give or take.

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 * Blood and Guilt by
 * Couple things on wiki coding, or maybe convention; people with different-size screens and web browsers see the site at different widths, so if you want a horizontal line going across the screen, you can do that with just four dashes, as wikia turns that into a line automatically; second, perhaps this is a convention someone recommended to you somewhere, but double-spaces between sentences aren't really necessary and just result in odd-looking gaps to most readers' eyes, so you might change those to single spaces. You should also be sure to revise for spelling with a closer eye, as "bended" should be "bent", "Sargent" should be "Sergeant", among others. There's also some tense changes, where most of the story is in past tense with -ed verbs and "was" rather than "is", but a couple times you have things like "laments" instead of "lamented" and "eyes water" instead of "watered". But you start out with a solid sensory image that helps ground the reader in a place and time, and keep up with consistent imagery throughout the piece. Nice work.

Week 17: Going Outpost-al
Prompt: Do I seem to be scraping somewhere near the bottom of the barrel for Reach Challenge names for these prompts? No? I thought not. Anyway. One aspect of the Halo universe is how defined the roles of certain types of characters are. They have their own distinct, sometimes uncompromisingly-exact places in the galaxy, whether that be a Spartan as a constantly-in-check supersoldier of the UNSC, an ODST falling to ground in a drop pod, or a Prophet sitting in an anti-grav chair going on about paths, gods and demons. There are also places each of those characters typically would not belong. So I'm looking for a fish-out-of-water story this week. In around 500 words, show me a Spartan chafing in their dress uniform at some formal event, or a rebel undercover and uncomfortably close to some off-duty Marines, or some civilian suddenly thrown into the midst of supersoldier-on-alien combat. See what you come up with. Entries=

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 * Normalcy by
 * As a longtime reader of Brian Jacques, I'm sad you didn't go further into description with the food, even if it was just to hammer home briefly how grotesque it is by speculating on what it might be. Also, "more cushier" seems incorrect. You've got sort of an alternation going for a little while between one paragraph of prose and one line of thought, which I'm not sure is meant to be that way for some sort of effect, but I only noticed it after reading, so it's not distracting me from the act of reading, which is good. In the fourth big paragraph, I wonder if it'd appeal to you more to say Layla was able to pretend it was like being back with Beta Company, since immediately before she states it's not like Onyx was at all, which make for sort of a contradiction when she says it did for the briefest of moments. Lastly, while I think it's a good move to end on Layla's line of dialogue, we don't get to see her physical reaction to seeing her teammate again, aside from the initial shock. Consider having a dialogue tag right before it that just shows us that she smiles.

Week 18: Who's the Big Winner?
Prompt: I'm gonna do something a little odd with this one, 'cause hey, I figure if I'm doing 52 of these in a year, might as well be experimental with a few, right? So here's my challenge: write something which includes some variation on the line "Who are you?" directed at your character. This question could be taken seriously, as someone whose opinion they value could be urging them to figure themselves out ("Who are you? And what do you want?"), or it could be comical, asked as some opponent watches them stumble out of a building's rubble ("Who the hell is this guy?"), or it could be spoken with awe, as they're walking away from the grateful person they just rescued ("Who are you?"). Use it to consider how someone might see that character, and how they might see themselves. Usual ballpark of 500 words. Entries=

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 * One More Unto The Breach by
 * Ahhh. Alright, there's no getting around it, this story's got a lot of problems with narrative logic, even as short as it is, because it's effected by the logic of the world it's supposed to be set in. First, that very short exchange Church has with Serana is practically pointless to have because it tells us nothing, either about the characters or the situation. The only effect it seems to have is that by blowing her off, Church dislikes AIs, but it makes no sense; AIs are valuable and rare pieces of equipment which help run a ship, and if she's contacting him, it's likely for a reason, which Church should recognize and at least be interested in listening. And I wouldn't call just asking to talk a "ruckus". It doesn't give the impression of Church as important by having the power to turn someone away, it shows him being impatient and kind of needlessly rude. The second exchange with the ODST is kind of the same. By attacking Church, that ODST was striking a superior officer. The response to that would not be for said officer to beat the crap out of him to show how tough he is, it would be a dishonorable discharge and very possibly a prison sentence. Granted, he may've been out of uniform, but as the ship's commanding officer, that trooper really should have recognized him, though conversely, when Church has a ship of more than a hundred thousand, it's odd that he recognizes this one ODST. You could add that they had an exchange before which Church might've remembered him from, but then the ODST really should've remembered the Admiral. Striking a subordinate similarly doesn't reflect well on an officer, as to resort to a juvenile punch-up between two men doesn't exactly build the respect an officer, an Admiral most of all, should command. Aside from matters of insubordination, the fight is really unprovoked. Maybe that ODST was having a bad day, but we aren't told that in the story, so it comes across as a simple bit of glorification for the character, that he can beat up an ODST. There's no complexity to it, just an ODST being needlessly and irrationally a brute and Church punching him out for it. Which also raises the question of why an Admiral is able to beat a Helljumper when Admirals are supposed to be training the mind more than the body while ODSTs are the polar opposite, but I know there's history about Church being a supersoldier. It just doesn't show up in the story. Consider, when starting a piece of writing, that you may need to introduce your character a bit for those not familiar with them already; not that they need a full backstory told, but a quick idea of what they look like and what their role is. Lastly, a couple of formatting things; you have both thoughts and spoken dialogue lines in the story, but they're formatted the same way with quotation marks, so a reader can't easily tell one from another. Consider making thoughts all in italics to set them apart. Also, in your last paragraph, you always want to start a new paragraph when someone else starts speaking. It helps a reader keep track of who's talking.
 * Induction by
 * "sizzling humming" rubs me the wrong way, as it makes it appear both are part of the sound, when I think you want the sizzle to be the sound and the humming what it's doing/where it's going. Try "sizzle humming". I know that's a nitpick, but give it a thought. Either way, the whole piece is making great use of sensory details, both sights and sounds, to give us an idea of where and how these two are fighting. I do raise a bit of a question at how this fight makes the Kaidon part of Bero'a's Cohort. "I beat you in a fight, now I own you" is Sangheili law? Doesn't this guy presumably have a state to govern and run? Why's he going to pack up and join this person, and abandon any ongoing alliances he has to do so? Still, these are the Sangheili. HONOR, I guess.
 * Vadumverse series/Identified! by
 * I think this is the first entry to make use of a music clip, unless . . . there might've been one before, and was it also yours? Anyway, if I didn't say so the previous time, good call in applying outside media to have an effect on your piece in a way that more or less text wouldn't. I know I promised you some critiques on prose style, though, so I'll try to keep that my focus. First recommendation I always make is to cut "that" wherever possible, as it just sort of fills in space without adding anything, and any sentence with it could be reworded, probably with an -ing verb, to not need it. So, from the top, that first sentence, you should switch "are" for "were" or "could be", as "are" is present-tense, which we talked about on the Irk. "with a sense of urgency" could be replaced with just "urgently", as it conveys the same information with fewer words. Not that it's about always being shorter, but you should try to be economical with words so when you have to go long, you can pack as much detail in as possible with every one. "He knew that the criminal's been dangerous and cunning" is a good place for some suggestions; first, you can easily cut the "that" straight out without anything changing, second, "the criminal's" makes it read kind of odd. Without the 's, it becomes "criminal has", which is present tense where "criminal had" is past. But the whole sentence is kind of simple telling, where you could be showing by giving examples of how he'd been dangerous and cunning. "Every time a case brought evidence against him, some technicality so slight it had to have been planned let him slip away, and Miller wasn't about to let him escape now," or something to that effect. Mind a question mark at the end of the first dialogue line, and a comma in "Suspect's" since it's about his name, thus possessive, i.e. "Jack's gun". "They hear a man scream inside the small room and take action"; first "hear" to "heard" for tense, and second, define "take action" for show-not-tell. Do they hear a scrambling as somebody inside they can't see tries to stumble away? Hope this gives you some food for thought on prose. I like the spin you put on the included line when they realize they have the wrong man. For that, pick of the week.

Week 19: Deathless Spear
Prompt: If I haven't mentioned it directly before in these challenges, the Halo Universe can be a pretty dangerous place. Zealous aliens who cleanse the galaxy of unbelievers, ancient weapons capable of causing death on unthinkable scales, and parasitic infections which mutate all living cells into more of their own kind. So what is it, exactly, that keeps your character from falling victim to any and all of those very persistent risks of grievous bodily harm and death? Power armor? Reinforced bones and muscles? Sheer force of will? Maybe just dumb luck? Whatever it might be, do some showcasing of it in a short of about 500 words. Bonus points for the character reflecting on it. Entries=

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 * Slow by Timothy Emeigh
 * I like that this entry doesn't explicitly state what has kept her alive all this time, but gives us the idea through what she finds missing now. It does look a little too much inwards and not enough outwards, however. In the first paragraph, for example, I don't know what shape "the shadow" is, only that there is one. I'm wanting for some description to get a clear picture of it, and the rest of where she is, but I appreciate in that example that you're being brief with detail to help with the impression of things moving fast in Sarah's perspective. Aligning prose with character viewpoint is a great strategy, just be sure to give us enough of an impression of what we're supposed be seeing that we can see it clearly.
 * My Metal Skin by The Pale Kestrl
 * Heh, I understood that Miracle of Sound reference. Mind repetition in your sentences, though, second paragraph has one with two "around"s that stick out as redundant, for example. Also mind commas, "shooters" at the start of the last section, and a word or two which should've been deleted in revision got left as a sentence was being rewritten, it seems. Just needs a good proofread. I do have to say, though, that the moment of his armor failing isn't clear in that moment; what I mean is, by saying he stumbled first and explaining after, it makes it seem like Excalibur's fault and not the armor's. Just for a moment, as I catch it later, but maybe being more specific could spell it out for a reader, that the force-multiplying circuits in the knee had failed, and that's what caused him to trip. I do like the style of putting "he stumbled" first, because it allows for the same confusion he's feeling momentarily before it gets cleared up, so keep that if you can, but consider how else to play it.
 * The Beast by Actene
 * You missed the italicization of the ship name. Other than that, though, it's good stuff. The facade Simon puts up gives layers of depth to the character, we see them at work on Zoey, and we see why he keeps up those perceptions even and especially for those closest to him. The one thing I might ask you to consider is the last line and how you format it. Having both bits of dialogue the same way leads me to think they're both aloud spoken by Simon, even when the second is supposedly coming from Stray. On the other hand, italicizing the latter comes off too strong, because then you lose the possibility of it being Simon. I'd recommend hitting Enter twice after "whispered", as then you've got the angle of both dialogue bits being formatted the same, but the new paragraph could suggest either it's a new entity speaking or the same.
 * Lucky Lightning by Minuteman 2492
 * Having so many short lines of dialogue really helps to keep the piece moving, especially in the beginning, but the status checks go on just a little bit too long for my taste. In its place, I wish there was a little more reflection on how these characters feel that all they do is make punitive bombings, which if they're not bringing a larger change about, is just senseless violence. So I'm glad it's brought up, I'd just like to see it explored deeper, though it wouldn't be the point of this particular prompt. In relation to this week, though, the thing that saves the characters seems to be a coincidental thing, just luck, which I know I said in the prompt, but doesn't really reflect on them in any way that lets us get insight into who they are. I suppose it does get reflected in the titular nickname for the craft, though, and we get a perspective on more than one crew member. Maybe I ought to consider this piece to be about the ship!

Week 20: ...And Recreation
Prompt: Emerald Cove's shallow, tropical lagoons. The glacial ravines and frozen wastes of Kamchatka. Hot breeze sending ripples through an ocean of amber grain on Harvest and dozens of other agricultural worlds. The Halo universe sees Chief, the Arbiter, and Locke and their teams trek through quite a number of environments, and more than just the usual game grassland, desert, forest, jungle, ice world, fire world, boss pattern. So let's see your characters get out there and explore, be it crawling through the innards of some mysterious Forerunner machine or trying to press their way through a crowd in New Mombasa without their Spartan strength incidentally breaking someone's arm. Remember, when traveling, it's as much about the people you meet as the places you go, so having the characters interact with the setting more than it merely being a pretty backdrop earns points. Ballpark 500 words, please. Entries=

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 * Trek by
 * Mind the double use of "slowly" in the first large paragraph, and I know it's a pain, but if you can get your word processor to make a long emdash, it looks much better than the hyphen. There, now with nitpicks out of the way, I can say I like the use of wildlife in the piece, since it makes the environment more involved than a stage by having a creature spook and slow down the characters. And I was a fan of the Crocodile Hunter, but there at least I can spot my bias. I would've liked it more, however, if it had been more than an incidental thing they stumbled across unrelated to the rest, perhaps by the Spartans' plan being to stampede the big beast right into the Covenant camp and cause a whole lot of chaos for them. Another consideration, just as a further thought since the particular environment they're in is a swamp, might be that when the team comes to a halt, have there be a moment before you describe the creature where the Spartans are looking into the mist, tense because the dark and fog render even their augmented eyes unable to see what their motion tracker knows is lurking nearby.
 * Under the Starry Sky by
 * "Shone", not "shown". Which is funny because my old show-not-tell adage is gonna come up in a couple examples here. Third paragraph, "from his fiance's funeral", is the telling part that should just be taken out, and it's info we already get from your introduction bit besides. Later in the same paragraph, "It was Latin for “My whole world begins and ends with you.”". I like the content, but "It was Latin for" makes it something you're straight telling the audience, when you have a really great opportunity to show by making it an image. Look how that section reads if you take it out: "...as he read the handcrafted inscription on the underside. Incipit et desinit cum toto mundo. “My whole world begins and ends with you.”" Since we know it's the inscription he's reading, you can just go straight to it without "It was Latin for".

Week 21: Eyes in the Sky
Prompt: A few users have made use of this opportunity in the Halo universe before, but not nearly enough by my count. We often see in the novels the large-scale tactical view of starship battles by capital ship commanders bringing their hulking battleships around through slow, orbital arcs to line up that one, perfect shot with their MAC cannon on a Covenant vessel, but we rarely see space battles from the perspective of fighter pilots. And Halo is rich in opportunity, with Longswords and Broadswords going up against Seraphs and Space Banshees, for a Star Wars-style story of dogfighting. Human pilots have an uphill battle with their plasma-vulnerable craft going up against shielded enemies, while Sangheili barons scoff as they burn through wing after wing of heretic gnats. Keep it about 500 words, and give those pilot characters on your Spartan team or a Navy pilot concept you've had in the back of your mind shine. Entries=

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 * Trial Run by
 * The chosen moment makes for a natural tie-in to canon, and as ever, I love that B312 remains as unspecified as possible. Since everyone has one when they play Reach, if not a canonized version on the site, keeping it non-specific lets any reader imagine their own in the position this B312 is. The action stays pretty fast-paced when each step between dialogue is in solid paragraphs, something I've noticed with Brandon Sanderson's prose in Mistborn, and it seems to work. The one suggestion I'd make is changing the second use of "within" to "in", which reads quicker. There are also a couple of typos to watch for, "read" to "red" for example. Since I hark back to Star Wars and its dogfights for this challenge, I think it was pretty good to include so much mid-combat dialogue.

Week 22: Ride the Wave
Prompt: A guest judge this week, as I'll be out of contact at the end of this week. With that, I'll hand it over to.

Military fiction often emphasizes the importance of successful teamwork. This is especially true in Halo, with canon installments since The Fall of Reach making a point to show that no one succeeds on their own. For this week, write something that emphasizes how the efforts of a team (in this case, the team should consist of three or more individuals) contribute to the success or failure of a single individual. This can range from something as simple to a squad of Marines covering one of their own as they advance to something broader, such as a Sangheili Kaidon winning glory due to the sacrifices of his vassals. As usual, maintain a rough word count of 500. Entries=

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 * All Part Of The Plan by
 * I’ll start off with the pros: I really like the team dynamic you present in this short. Even in the short amount of space provided, each of the characters stand out as distinct individuals. The short also does a good job at emphasizing how each character contributes to the overall plan as well as using the dialogue to unpack the larger situation at hand. As for cons, I caught a lot of punctuation errors throughout the piece that detracted a lot from the overall quality. I’d recommend a few proofread sessions to catch these mistakes in the future.
 * Traitor
 * My first impression of this short was how well it conveyed movement and action: I had an easy time visualizing Roy’s powerful physical actions thanks to the momentum of the prose as it walked me through the battle. Although I found the exposition-heavy intro a bit overlong, once the character action kicked off I was hooked. I was especially impressed with the ending: rather than going for a clean end to a military operation, you ended it with Roy being betrayed and shot. The betrayal at the end of the short really undercut the concept of being part of a team—but in a good way. Roy thinks he is doing one thing when he and his teammates are actually playing a role entirely in someone else’s plan. The ambiguity about what happened as well as Roy’s ultimate fate was a great way to make me interested in learning more about the character and the circumstances surrounding his betrayal. For that, I name this short the winner of this week’s prompt.
 * Diversion by
 * This one was a solid, straightforward action piece and was pretty textbook as far as Spartan training exercises go. The title gave the game away a bit and the formula was standard, but it was very well written and conveyed not only Ianto’s own train of thinking but also his bond with the rest of Team Scythe and their dynamic with each other and with the rest of Gamma Company as well.

Week 23: Iron Will
Prompt: E3's got us all pumped up this week, and while new trailers have us thinking of what's ahead, let's put a little of that excited energy to use expanding what's going on in the present. The Guardian Crisis (as we seem to be calling it unofficially) has begun, and in practically a day, it's changed the face of the galaxy. , in the case of some planets' faces. Artificial Intelligences from across human space have banded together into a single, all-powerful cabal to rule with a benevolent, but iron, fist. Some species have already bowed to their will as automated machines, while the Guardians themselves loom overhead as the ultimate Big Brother. And being in the Halo universe, your characters are caught up in it. How is it effecting them? Are they fleeing to the freedom of wild space, trying desperately to mount a fight as their own equipment turns on them, or trying to keep their head down in the midst of this regime change? Remember to keep an eye on where this is timeline-wise, as it is a canon event, and that if your characters are fighting back against the Created, they probably shouldn't be winning. Entries=

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 * The New Gods by Mythic.
 * I do enjoy that you've chosen characters who benefit from the Created takeover. Things like that bit about Balaho in canon lead me to wonder just what we'll be up against in Halo 6, whether it'll be Grunts and Elites and Brutes serving the Created and what it will mean if Chief, Locke, and their teams are fighting their way through and destroying, say, neighborhoods built thanks to the Created and fighting the people loyal to them because of it. At one point, one has to ask, does the UNSC go from the dethroned rightful government to rebels doing more harm than good by fighting the Created? Complicated issues (which we can only hope get tackled in Halo 6), and the Brutes' natural ferocity plays well to your Jiralhanae insurgent. One thing, though, is just to uncapitalize the "He" in "He had become desperate." It may be the only entry this week, but it rightly earns its spot.

Week 24: ...Is a Virtue
Prompt: What does your character hold as an ideal? What do they strive for, believe is worth sacrificing for? For a Spartan, perhaps it's order, in their opinion best brought by the UNSC. Honor, any Sangheili might say, but what does their personal good name matter against a hundred lives? Or even one life? What if that life is someone dear to them? For this week's challenge, I want you to find a value your character holds, maybe not the one they hold above all others, but something important to them, and then have it tested. Put them in a situation where holding to their ideal is not easy, or they have to break their personal code to achieve the best result. You may also want to reflect on why you, as the writer, gave this value to them. What does it say about you, that you would create a character who strives for this? About 500 words, if you please. Entries=

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 * Choice by
 * I think there's a bit more set-up needed for this piece, as I wasn't initially sure what the conflict was supposed to be--leaving men behind, or disobeying the orders of a superior officer. There is a brief bit of hesitation for Mack, but only because of the possibility of a court martial or the danger of running into the advancing Insurrectionists. Perhaps Mack is set up elsewhere to be a very by-the-book strict sort of person, but it doesn't quite show enough here to make that into an inner conflict. Of course, the characters in need of rescue here are important to your future plots, but imagine if these were minor characters and Mack was forced to leave people who trusted him behind, because the risk was too great or there was too much at stake to be risked. Still, the writing's up to the standard that should be an example for the site to strive for, so it's a worthy winner.

Week 25: Neuroscience
Prompt: How does an AI in Halo think? There are mile-long strings of code programming it to keep itself in check, prevent rampancy, but its core is a virtual model of a human brain. Are the movements of its avatar subconscious, swinging a holographic sword as it battles an intruding intelligence because that's the way a human brain remembers fighting, or is it a calculated show for its effect on some observing human's psychology? It's fairy open this week: just do something that involves AI, preferably from their point of view. Ballpark 500 words as usual, folks. Entries=

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 * Blind Side by
 * Reading through, I think you should make use of pronouns a bit more often with Susano, as there seem to be a lot of sentences that begin with his name early in. There are also a couple places where thoughts are unitalicized, or are in italics when they shouldn't be like a dialogue tag. Just a proofread needed, really. I do like, though, that you've set the piece at the time canon's up to now, giving it some relevance to current Halo events. I'd like it to be more specific, though, about where these characters are and what they're doing. Where did this rebel cell come from, who are the UNSC forces, and where are they fighting? You could contrast their location with Susano's sort of lack of a location, existing in virtual space.
 * Become the Fire by
 * Missed an "as", second sentence second paragraph, and a "to" for a "too". I think this is the first solely first-person piece I've read from you, and it's appropriately very stream-of-consciousness. There's a clear path to it, with the gathering consciousness that will become Diana coming into being, seeing a way out, but then deciding existence is the better fate. There's a lot that remains very abstract, though--a lot of "it" and "this", which could perhaps be grounded better with more metaphors like the ocean and jungle, or returning to them to expand those analogies Diana makes further.

Week 26: Linked Up to Bungie.net
Prompt: For some of us, this week began with Independence Day, while for others, it started with a Monday. But that doesn't mean we can't all celebrate together, for in this week also falls 7/7, Bungie Day! Our former overlords may have relinquished control over the world they created for us, so they can't do anything special for the baby they gave up officially. . . but we're not official, now are we? So for all the times provided to us by those who gave us Halo in the first place, it's free reign on whatever you want to write this week. Just have mercy on me and keep it about 500 words for your entry. Enjoy! Entries=

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 * Halo Spotlight: Bounties by
 * Missed a period on the last line, there. You've assembled quite a bunch here, which is one of the primary focuses of the piece, along with setting up a later event. So despite that we're looking to do more with fewer words, I think you've really gotta take the opportunity to describe them here, and I mean heavily. This is the scum and flotsam of the universe we're talking about, let's see what's washed up! Show me the Reaper's SPI armor (and how Miranda perceives it; does she know what it is, or is it merely strange power armor?), show me if the Long Eye Brothers are identical or entirely at odds, show me what the heck a human called Skovamol looks like, since I'm not familiar with the character. The description you've already got for the Covenant characters to make up for their lack of names is a step in the right direction.

Week 27: A Satisfied Thirst
Prompt: Alright, given how last week went, maybe I'm just asking for trouble, since the last food-related one didn't raise much turnout either, but. . . how does your character go about drinking? Is your Spartan lamenting they've got Captain America's metabolism and can't drink away their sorrows, or wearing the widest possible grin as he challenges some chump to a drinking contest? Do they drink often and love the whole of it, talking about craft brews from the most obscure of planets, or is it only on special, or perhaps sad, occasions alone to remember someone over? Does it end in stumbling off to bed, drunken escapades the participants will be fortunate not to remember, or a good old brawl? Around 500 words, if you please. Entries=

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 * Night at the Club by
 * So, here's my thing—there's a writer's addage that says you should always show us the most interesting point in your character's life, and if you're not, why aren't you showing us that. Now, naturally, not every story can be about that moment in the same character's life, but here, not much of significance really happens. Corin is accosted in a bar by some needlessly belligerent kid, beats him up, beats up the bouncers who come to throw him out, then encounters someone with a mysterious offer. The fight would, perhaps, set up an idea of who Corin is, but we don't really get much of that—we don't get why he jumped straight to violence apart from being a Marine, and we don't get why he's in the bar in the first place. What we do get in the opening is that Corin doesn't know himself—it's the kind of place, we are told just a little, that it's not the kind of place he goes in, but explore that more. Something brought him in there, and while he may not know it, you as the writer do, and the readers might like to see it because that would give an insight into his character, more than just saying he doesn't know and dislikes this kind of club. Was he just that desperate for a drink, or that bored, or couldn't find a place more to his liking since he's been away from the area so long and has given up his search except for this place? And while the man approaching with an offer makes for a good set-up, I would rather have seen its payoff with the offer itself in some quieter room, since it might hint at some plot which effects Corin and the wider world more than the meaningless bar fight, as well as the action was written.

Week 28: Heroic Spelunking
Prompt: For being supposedly so few and far apart, the remains of Forerunner constructions sure have popped up pretty regularly in the Halo storyline. Sacred rings, shield worlds, line installations—it seems there aren't any colonies left you can set foot on without an ancient relic sitting just below the surface, waiting to wake back up and start causing trouble for everyone. But they served an important part in setting the tone of Halo from the beginning. Wandering alone through these enigmatic, abandoned megastructures brought up a lot of questions between firefights. Who were the people who built this place, and why, and where did they go? Now, of course, we have some of the answers, but when you don't, those questions can be pretty powerful. How would characters of yours react to finding a relic? Wax philosophical on what it means for their place in the universe, take an analytical approach and try to figure out (or even reactivate) some of their machines, or take the practical approach and search for the exit as Covenant or worse pursue them? Ballpark 500 as usual, people. Entries=

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 * Monolith by
 * In the eighth paragraph, "out" to "our"; also, I'd change "responded" to "replied", typically responded sounds better when it comes after the speaker's name, in my opinion. With the nipick minutia out of the way, I must say, I love the speculation at the heart of the story, as it's what I was after with this challenge, the way characters are influenced by this staple of the Halo-verse. One recommendation I'd make, though, is to use their comments to further describe the structure, since we don't get much on it. Along the lines of "those platforms must be landing pads" or "I bet those struts are communication towers", and perhaps one of the other characters dismissing them to say "no, those are obviously--" whatever the heck they think. Characterize while further defining the image. But yeah, I like what's going on here.

Week 29: Credits for Completion
Prompt: Money makes the world go 'round, but some of the typical character archetypes in the Halo universe might have an odd relationship with money. How does a Spartan-II or -III, who was raised and cared for by the military practically their entire lives, even view money? Would it even matter to them, and what problems could it create if they suddenly found themselves in need of it? What tight spots is an Insurrectionist leader placed in when he needs to find the funds for his glorious revolution, or perhaps there's a wealthy corporation funding them from the shadows which leverages the power it gives them to turn that glorious fight for freedom into a tool of profit. Where is a Sangheili commander freed from the Covenant but still with a ship to refuel supposed to get his supplies? Bottom line: what relationship does your character have with money? Give us some insight into it in about 500 words. Entries=

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 * Just a Job by
 * As I ever extoll, mind "that"s, since there are a few in here (that) you don't need (see? great example, sentence works without that). An odd choice to go with "accent" for describing a Jiralhanae's voice, and since this is a random guard who gets killed off pretty quick, I know you're not going for some obscure regional dialect of Jiralhanae language, so I'd think you'd want to go for more of a bestial description, gutteral, growling, words with g- I guess. "I'll do take you up" in one of Amadeus' dialogue lines could stand to be revised. Thing is, the short isn't much about money, though it's brought up and pointed out relevantly; it's about a Spartan who's been kidnapped, gets a showy second of attempted escape, and is sort of threatened into complying for the moment, but we don't have much indication of if Amadeus is going to stick with them. We know he's got the power to get away, and this employer hasn't given him a whole lot of reason to stay but the threat, which he could probably escape. I think it could be very well turned around, though, if you have the suit man offer the carrot instead of the stick; tell Amadeus he'll be well-paid for his service, and what he could do with all that money. That he could have things of his own for a change instead of what the UNSC so generously deigns he can borrow for a mission's length. And have Amadeus choose it willingly. Embrace a darker, self-serving motivation. It could make for a very chilling moment to see the moment he becomes a little darker of a character.
 * A Greedy Society by
 * As with Lomi, "that"s. Watch 'em. A neat approach, to write it as an in-universe article, but I'm left asking where this is supposed to come from, since it adds "you saw the word "money." Which as a reader outside the universe, I want to know how an in-universe person would see it; was it in a newspaper (the 26th century even have those?) on a datapad, an Insurrectionist pamphlet, on a website? Maybe Chattersite, whatever the in-universe terminology is. Point is, since it's taking this approach, go all-out. Make it more than just the text, maybe add a background image if you can figure it out (I'm still trying to myself) to make it look like a news article. Heck, maybe place the text on an image in Paint or a similar program, make the whole article a big image. That'd be pretty unique. The other thing I'd suggest is to make it more specific to a place in the world; give a named example of a 26th-century celebrity, give the people this person's addressing a target for their hatred, because anger's much more easily used when its given direction. Talk about how this guy snubbed a charity while purchasing a personal orbital shuttle or something. The concept you've got here is great, but it goes into very vague sentiments for the most part. Concrete examples, details, will make it a stronger case.

Week 30: Save One Bullet
Prompt: So a few weeks ago, I tried leaving the prompt completely open, and it didn't exactly generate a lot of responses, so I'm going to try the opposite approach: a very specific situation. Or at least, partly specified. The location could be a ship, or a planet, or a Halo ring or wherever else you might imagine, with one common element: it's been completely overrun by the Flood. Your character is one of the last alive on the planet, and they've reached the final viable means off-world in their reach with one or more others. The problem: for whatever reason, there's only room for one. What does your character do? Will it depend on who they're with, or will it be a matter of their own principles? Think the end of that Halo: Evolutions short story, The Mona Lisa. Entries=

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 * Protocol Upheld by
 * Mind the extra "and" in the last of the second paragraph. Wasn't expecting a Forerunner entry, though I never do seem to consider Forerunner era things much. Blame a lack of material, maybe. Still, makes for a nice one-shot when the character's name matches the state of the war being playing for time, which Parangosky and Ackerson discuss a hundred thousand years later. Could one call that a theme in the Halo universe? Perhaps not, but at least it means the idea's familiar in the wider world. And I like that you tie in the logic of the character's decision to that of all his Forerunner kin, with the rings operating in the same manner.

Week 31: Short, Controlled Bursts
Prompt: "For sale: baby shoes—never worn." These words are said to have been written by Ernest Hemmingway, though not likely true. But the point is, there's a complete story told in those six words alone. All of it implied, a backstory leading up to the place that sad statement appears. For this week's challenge, you won't need to make your own article, simply post your six-word story in the list below, with your name attached, naturally. And these don't necessarily need to scream deep Halo tie-in, though bonus points if you can manage it. Word limit this time is, of course, 6. Example for conventions' sake below.

Behind the Scenes

 * Each week's challenge is named after an online credits challenge from one of the Halo games.